tkgirl Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 so I've been doing the online dating thing lately and so far it's been not so great... some dates here and there with a couple different guys but no sparks so I'd end things... anyho, I started communicating with this one new guy who seemed interesting, and he does ironmans which is impressive.. but lately he's been bringing up our HUGE age difference.. he's 45 and I'm 46! at first he goes, "I see you are older than me, do you usually date younger guys?" I thought he was joking at first but then he brought it up again in another email... the fact he is younger... seriously? I mean, I get that he's probably in amazing shape to be doing triathlons and all that and maybe he's used to dating younger women.. but I'm only one year older! and in great shape and usually date younger guys myself... I was even thinking he's too old for me! I don't know why but I'm super annoyed with it... and now he wants to meet me but I'm already turned off... am I over-reacting? My friends tell me I'm too picky but if a guy does something that annoys me this early on then why would I want to waste my time (and his) by going out with him?
forms Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Maybe he's lying about his age? Maybe he's really 35? Or maybe he thinks you are lying about your age and assumed you are really 50? I think BOTH of you are too hung up on ages. If you think a guy one year younger than you might be too old, you are just as neurotic as a guy who is one year younger than you worried that you are too old. I doubt this relationship will work since you are both freaked out by the ages.
Author tkgirl Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 Maybe he's lying about his age? Maybe he's really 35? Or maybe he thinks you are lying about your age and assumed you are really 50? I think BOTH of you are too hung up on ages. If you think a guy one year younger than you might be too old, you are just as neurotic as a guy who is one year younger than you worried that you are too old. I doubt this relationship will work since you are both freaked out by the ages. lol! I think you are right about one thing... that it probably won't work out with this guy... but because he is too hung up the age thing, not me. The last guy I went out with was 50 and I had no problem with that. And a while back I was seeing a guy in his 30's.. but he never made me feel "too old". The fact that this guy is only one year younger and that he has brought that fact up a few times now makes me think that's he's the one with issues... and I'm just not interested in meeting him now... anyways, thanks for helping me figure it out!
ShannonMI Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 so I've been doing the online dating thing lately and so far it's been not so great... some dates here and there with a couple different guys but no sparks so I'd end things... anyho, I started communicating with this one new guy who seemed interesting, and he does ironmans which is impressive.. but lately he's been bringing up our HUGE age difference.. he's 45 and I'm 46! at first he goes, "I see you are older than me, do you usually date younger guys?" I thought he was joking at first but then he brought it up again in another email... the fact he is younger... seriously? I mean, I get that he's probably in amazing shape to be doing triathlons and all that and maybe he's used to dating younger women.. but I'm only one year older! and in great shape and usually date younger guys myself... I was even thinking he's too old for me! I don't know why but I'm super annoyed with it... and now he wants to meet me but I'm already turned off... am I over-reacting? My friends tell me I'm too picky but if a guy does something that annoys me this early on then why would I want to waste my time (and his) by going out with him? I would be annoyed too. A year older. Whats the big deal? I would go on a date with him and see if your feelings change. One date isn't exactly "wasting time." If you still feel irritated then don't continue to see him.
SingleinSouth Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 That is so stupid that I probably wouldn't bother to go out with him. He sounds narcissistic. One year age difference?
Author tkgirl Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 I would be annoyed too. A year older. Whats the big deal? I would go on a date with him and see if your feelings change. One date isn't exactly "wasting time." If you still feel irritated then don't continue to see him. yeah, I thought about giving him a shot but I know how I am... once a guy says or does something like this and so early on I've found I have hard time letting it go. The last guy I met from there told this really inapproriate joke on our first date and I just couldn't get past it... it pretty much ruined it for me... That is so stupid that I probably wouldn't bother to go out with him. He sounds narcissistic. One year age difference? that's what I'm thinking.. that he sounds a little narcassistic... like with the whole Ironman thing too. I mean I think it is pretty awesome too but he brings it up multiple times in his profile and in his emails to me... like he's just a little too into himself... next!
Negative Nancy Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 That is so stupid that I probably wouldn't bother to go out with him. He sounds narcissistic. One year age difference? yeah, seriously. what kind of loser is he? kick him to the curb, who knows what other hang-ups he has. tell him he's right, he's too young and immature to you, and give him the directions to the next nearby play school, as that it obviously where he belongs.
Woggle Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 How is it wrong for a a 45 year old to message a 46 year old. Aren't women here always saying men should go for women their age? Can men do anything right?
Negative Nancy Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 nothing's wrong with that at all, but apparently you haven't read the posting thoroughly because that man in question is the one who's having the hang-ups about the age, not the woman.
ThsAmericanLife Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 lol! I think you are right about one thing... that it probably won't work out with this guy... but because he is too hung up the age thing, not me. The last guy I went out with was 50 and I had no problem with that. And a while back I was seeing a guy in his 30's.. but he never made me feel "too old". The fact that this guy is only one year younger and that he has brought that fact up a few times now makes me think that's he's the one with issues... and I'm just not interested in meeting him now... anyways, thanks for helping me figure it out! Here's a thought... go ahead and go on the date. You could ask him how old the women are he usually dates. Have you asked him why he thinks one year older than him qualifies him as a 'younger' guy? Also, What was your posted age range? Some guys have some wierd idea that women prefer older men... He does sound a bit insecure for someone nearly identical to your age though. Not saying this will change your mind... just that some people get hung up on wierd things at first that eventually fade away. Couldn't hurt.
FitChick Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I had a similar experience with a doctor, who should know better, who was hung up on age. I told him that lifestyle determines health and appearance not the number on your birth certificate. He should know that, right? I told him that after 40, people the same age can look very different -- some decrepit and some quite youthful. Anyway, he kept pestering me on and on, and I thought, I wonder if he acts like this about everything? Can't he take the hint to drop the subject? So annoying. As it happened, even though he was a doctor, he looked older than his age with a face like melted wax. Go out with this guy and treat whatever he says about age as if he is kidding. Say you love his dry wit.
daphne Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 He definitely sounds insecure. It sounds like he's trying to suggest that you should feel lucky, given that your shelf life has expired, to get a guy like him that would deign to date a woman a year older. This type of guy often feels entitled to date and much younger women. I received an email blast from an online guy, who was angry that I never responded to him. Frankly, he was a very good looking guy, but I had met someone else I liked better and wasn't really interested in multi dating. Plus, he seemed a little full of himself. So instead of taking no response gracefully and moving on like almost all men do, he wrote me a page long missive on how affected I was and projected that I felt entitled to the best of the best when I was too old to expect that anymore because there were plenty of 20 somethings willing to date him. He was a year younger. He also mentioned something about me having the look of royalty. Whatevs. I was confused, then bemused then I laughed out loud when I realized he wasn't kidding. I'm not sure I'd give your guy a chance. I don't like guys that have that kind of insecurity problem, because they invariably make it your problem. He's already telling you that he feels in the one up position with you. He'll probably only get worse.
Mircea Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 so I've been doing the online dating thing lately and so far it's been not so great... some dates here and there with a couple different guys but no sparks so I'd end things... anyho, I started communicating with this one new guy who seemed interesting, and he does ironmans which is impressive.. but lately he's been bringing up our HUGE age difference.. he's 45 and I'm 46! at first he goes, "I see you are older than me, do you usually date younger guys?" I thought he was joking at first but then he brought it up again in another email... the fact he is younger... seriously? I mean, I get that he's probably in amazing shape to be doing triathlons and all that and maybe he's used to dating younger women.. but I'm only one year older! and in great shape and usually date younger guys myself... I was even thinking he's too old for me! I don't know why but I'm super annoyed with it... and now he wants to meet me but I'm already turned off... am I over-reacting? My friends tell me I'm too picky but if a guy does something that annoys me this early on then why would I want to waste my time (and his) by going out with him? You're 46, chances are you already wasted some time. Meet with him and make fun of it in a light way if he brings it up. Watch his reaction and if you don't like it, next him.
Author tkgirl Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 yeah, seriously. what kind of loser is he? kick him to the curb, who knows what other hang-ups he has. tell him he's right, he's too young and immature to you, and give him the directions to the next nearby play school, as that it obviously where he belongs. right! He definitely sounds insecure. It sounds like he's trying to suggest that you should feel lucky, given that your shelf life has expired, to get a guy like him that would deign to date a woman a year older. This type of guy often feels entitled to date and much younger women. I received an email blast from an online guy, who was angry that I never responded to him. Frankly, he was a very good looking guy, but I had met someone else I liked better and wasn't really interested in multi dating. Plus, he seemed a little full of himself. So instead of taking no response gracefully and moving on like almost all men do, he wrote me a page long missive on how affected I was and projected that I felt entitled to the best of the best when I was too old to expect that anymore because there were plenty of 20 somethings willing to date him. He was a year younger. He also mentioned something about me having the look of royalty. Whatevs. I was confused, then bemused then I laughed out loud when I realized he wasn't kidding. I'm not sure I'd give your guy a chance. I don't like guys that have that kind of insecurity problem, because they invariably make it your problem. He's already telling you that he feels in the one up position with you. He'll probably only get worse. yeah this is what I'm feeling.. that he thinks he has the one up on me because he's a whole year younger To me the age thing is so irrelavant but to him it's obviously not. It's too bad because I was a little interested in meeting him before all this but now I'm not at all... You're 46, chances are you already wasted some time. Meet with him and make fun of it in a light way if he brings it up. Watch his reaction and if you don't like it, next him. that made LOL! thanks.. but yeah, I really have no interest in meeting him now.. I just know it wouldn't work with us... so I haven't responded to his last email... where he brings up the age thing yet again but wants to meet anyways.. woo frickin' hoo.. I'm trying to think of nice easy way to decline meeting him but would be funny to throw something in about his age hang-up thing... suggestions anyone?
Art_Critic Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I'd bet that at some point in the year you are both the same age Guys sounds insecure.. and possibly lying about his age... If he is already bothering you.. then next him.
D-Lish Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 How is it wrong for a a 45 year old to message a 46 year old. Aren't women here always saying men should go for women their age? Can men do anything right? It's good that he messaged her, it's ridiculous that he referred to her as an "older woman" in their correspondence when they are the same age... I've had men message me that are 2-3 years younger than I am and ask if I'm interested in younger men- it makes it sound like they are suggesting they are "doing me a favour" by messaging me. I'll click on their profile and they look like my dad...
FitChick Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I'll click on their profile and they look like my dad... And they're always the ones who say in their profile "People tell me I don't look my age." Right, you look much older, buddy!
Author tkgirl Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 It's good that he messaged her, it's ridiculous that he referred to her as an "older woman" in their correspondence when they are the same age... I've had men message me that are 2-3 years younger than I am and ask if I'm interested in younger men- it makes it sound like they are suggesting they are "doing me a favour" by messaging me. I'll click on their profile and they look like my dad... I know! I mean, if I really wanted to date someone "younger" then I would... but I'm talking like 10 years younger... I mean, heck... why not totally go for it! And they're always the ones who say in their profile "People tell me I don't look my age." Right, you look much older, buddy! yeah, and the funny thing is that I think this guy.. who let's not forget is a whole year younger than me actually looks older than I do! and most of the guys I date too... but I really didn't give the whole age thing much thought... until he made an issue out of it...
D-Lish Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 And they're always the ones who say in their profile "People tell me I don't look my age." Right, you look much older, buddy! That's exactly the way it is, you hit the nail on the head. I know! I mean, if I really wanted to date someone "younger" then I would... but I'm talking like 10 years younger... I mean, heck... why not totally go for it! yeah, and the funny thing is that I think this guy.. who let's not forget is a whole year younger than me actually looks older than I do! and most of the guys I date too... but I really didn't give the whole age thing much thought... until he made an issue out of it... I'd move on to the next one- this guy doesn't sound promising.
Author tkgirl Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 That's exactly the way it is, you hit the nail on the head. I'd move on to the next one- this guy doesn't sound promising. yeah, that's just what I'm going to do.. now I'm trying to decide how to respond to his last email which he sent a few days ago actually... or do I even need to respond? anyways.. thanks D... and everyone else! it's always good to get different perspectives
2sunny Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I would respond and tell him you are accustomed to younger - but since he seems to be hung up on it - you've decided against meeting him.
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