Doona Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Hi guys, I posted on here about 4 weeks ago about my break up. I believe he dumped me because he as GIGS, but he has told me he is still attracted to me and still cares about me. He said he wants to be single and experience life on his own (we got together when he was 19 and I was 21), we were together for 3.5 years. I was very upset about the break up at first, even though I knew it was for the best. Our relationship has never been the best, we fought a lot and had a lot of issues. At first I thought he might have met someone else, but I now know there isn't someone else (and no I'm not being ignorant). We still live together at the moment (I move out at the end of the month). We ended up sleeping together about a week after we broke up - it hurt me a lot and I didnt want to make that mistake again. Our flat is very small, so the only other place he could sleep is on the couch in the lounge. He found that very uncomfortable, so we got a mattress on the floor for him to sleep on. We did this for about three weeks, it was really hard to not be together but still living under the same roof. We hardly see each other because he works night shift. So anyway, after three weeks of sleeping on the floor he complained that it was very uncomfortable, so I invited him back into the bed. We didn't hate each other and still cared about each other, we were very civil to each other. About a week ago, I decided to give up on trying to heal myself just yet, I will do it when I move out at the end of the month. I think it's worse to try and get over someone when you still live with them and you know they still care about you, and you still care about them - its pure torture. So because of this decision we are almost acting like a 'normal' couple. I wake up in the morning and he is cuddling me, we have slept together a few times. We laugh and joke around (almost like we are in the beginning stages of a new relationship). I know that none of this behavior means that we will get back together, its almost a coping mechanism for both of us. It's also hard for us to stay away from each other, it almost seems impossible. I also think we are doing this so we do not have to deal with the break up just yet. When I move out at the end of the month he has offered to help me move, as he has a truck that can move my bigger items. Has anyone else gone through this, I'm finding it all a bit confusing. I know when I move out at the end of the month its going to hit me real hard. Oh, he also said when we broke up that he hopes one day that we can be together again, he just feels we met too young.
fredrickhsalas Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Hi guys, I posted on here about 4 weeks ago about my break up. I believe he dumped me because he as GIGS, but he has told me he is still attracted to me and still cares about me. He said he wants to be single and experience life on his own (we got together when he was 19 and I was 21), we were together for 3.5 years. I was very upset about the break up at first, even though I knew it was for the best. Our relationship has never been the best, we fought a lot and had a lot of issues. At first I thought he might have met someone else, but I now know there isn't someone else (and no I'm not being ignorant). We still live together at the moment (I move out at the end of the month). We ended up sleeping together about a week after we broke up - it hurt me a lot and I didnt want to make that mistake again. Our flat is very small, so the only other place he could sleep is on the couch in the lounge. He found that very uncomfortable, so we got a mattress on the floor for him to sleep on. We did this for about three weeks, it was really hard to not be together but still living under the same roof. We hardly see each other because he works night shift. So anyway, after three weeks of sleeping on the floor he complained that it was very uncomfortable, so I invited him back into the bed. We didn't hate each other and still cared about each other, we were very civil to each other. About a week ago, I decided to give up on trying to heal myself just yet, I will do it when I move out at the end of the month. I think it's worse to try and get over someone when you still live with them and you know they still care about you, and you still care about them - its pure torture. So because of this decision we are almost acting like a 'normal' couple. I wake up in the morning and he is cuddling me, we have slept together a few times. We laugh and joke around (almost like we are in the beginning stages of a new relationship). I know that none of this behavior means that we will get back together, its almost a coping mechanism for both of us. It's also hard for us to stay away from each other, it almost seems impossible. I also think we are doing this so we do not have to deal with the break up just yet. When I move out at the end of the month he has offered to help me move, as he has a truck that can move my bigger items. Has anyone else gone through this, I'm finding it all a bit confusing. I know when I move out at the end of the month its going to hit me real hard. Oh, he also said when we broke up that he hopes one day that we can be together again, he just feels we met too young. Sounds that he wants no relation but have connection with you..so weird because mostly guys ready to sacrifice even there personal things just to be to someone they love....
achooachoo Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 hi donna, i truly understand what you feel right now. I was in the same situation 2 months ago. I was living with my ex for almost 4 years and then he just decided to break-up the relationship (i found out that he is in contact with his ex-gf and started again their relationship). Believe me, he gave me a lot of reasons why he wants the break-up (he told me that his family doesnt want our relationship since I am a single mother, he wants to settle all his debts first before settling down, he doesn't want to get married, blah blah blah), and he just realized those things after 4 years!!! I felt I wasted my time with that douche bag. Our relationship was almost perfect, we never fight nor argue. We are both matured (Im 29 and he is 33). But we got bored as times goes by. Anyways, after the break-up on 30th September, we decided that one of us will move out once we received our salaries which will be in the middle of October. We have to live together for 3 weeks together. It was really painful. We were still acting like a couple too. We were still sleeping on the same bed and cuddling each other like nothing changed. Im was trying to win him back, but nothing works. Everyday, I have to see him going out of the apartment just to hide from me that he is calling his LDR ex-gf. I kept quiet, I didnt even nag nor complain. But my heart was crushing into pieces. I was crying everyday at work (I dont want him to see me crying at home, I showed him that I am strong). Finally, he moved out on 19th October. I didnt cry infrom of him. I bid him goodbye and I gave him a smile. I helped him packed his things and helped him in his new apartment. I was really very supportive becoz I love him. We were still seeing each other till the last week of October. He was taking me out, we were dining out together. The connection is still there but he is really confused about the other girl. The day that he blocked me in facebook, I talked to him and I decided to implement NC. The first week of NC was a torture. I cant sleep and I cant eat. I was 50kg last September and now I am only 43kg The second week was also very hard, I was having nightmares of him with another girl. Everyday, my nightmares woke me up at 3am and couldnt go back to sleep. I dont go out a lot becoz I dont have that much friends, most of them are already couples and loves to stay at home. Most of my friends and family are telling me to have fun, but I dont have energy to do that. I jog every night after work. I play with my son and check loveshack everyday to help to cope. I am already in my 16th day of NC and believe me, I am so much better now. I am really thankful he moved out and I implemented NC. I dont think of him that much nowadays and I dont feel sad already. I am getting back to my old self. You have to help yourself to recover. Read the posts of the people here in Loveshack, it will help you a lot to cope with your heartbreak. Just do NC and keep yourself busy. You dont have to date if you dont want to, you just have to improve yourself and let go of him. Maybe someday, somewhere along the road, they will have a change of heart. Keep smiling...
ErgoStep Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 It's an odd situation. It sounds like you're coping.
Author Doona Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 I am coping at the moment, only because we are basically still together. I know its going to all hit me when I move out at the end of the month. I love this man so much, but I also know that we do not belong together. Aaaaarg I'm finding everything so confusing at the moment.
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