having a hard time

[CarboniteCammy]

I guess maybe its hard to start this off, because I'm not sure what really constitutes infidelity. Also, this is incredibly long, so if you get through it, give yourself a pat on the back.

 

My boyfriend of several months is flirty with other girls when he gets too drunk at a bar. It was to the point where a friend of his came up to both of us recently at a bar, and asked the bf if he remembered a situation where my bf had actually gone as far as lifting up the skirt of one of his friends and possibly doing more.

 

My BF got angry that this guy brought up the situation around me, and said, "Yeah, well I'd do it again, too." Which is probably the truth.

 

We had a huge fight about the whole situation, and the bf insisted that he didn't understand what my issue was with his behavior and went on to say that I was making a bit deal about nothing, just so that I could cause more drama.

 

Somehow, I got past it at the time. Maybe because I found out I am pregnant (oh God, out of all the men I dated, why does the father have to be HIM???? We even used protection!!!). Previous to getting pregnant, he was aware that I was about to up and leave him. Not just for the skirt flipping incident, but for other things.

 

We had one incident where we went on a trip with his brother and every time he saw a scantily clad female who had a nice figure, he would make some obscene comment to his brother like I wasn't even there. It was utterly humiliating. He's done other things like that in my presence as well.

 

After all of those issues, I told him I was pregnant, but that I was leaving him. My mom said I could move back in with her to get on my feet. I'm 30 years old, but I just can't afford to raise a baby on my own. I explained that I'd never withhold rights from him or whatever, but that the kid and I would be in another state.

 

He was shocked. He acted like he didn't have any idea about why I was leaving him and he said he was excited about having a child and that he wanted to be with me.

 

At that point, I told him that I didn't want a man like him helping me raise my kid, that his behavior was gross and deplorable and that I felt that having strong morals was one of the most important things about being a father, which obviously he lacked. I told him I would move out immediately and would give him whatever information he needed.

 

He then told me that he was having a panic attack, because he couldn't stand to lose me, that I was the sweetest girl he'd ever met, and it would ruin his life if I moved myself and the kid away from him. He admitted he'd been a horrible boyfriend and told me he'd change his behavior, including drinking less as well as putting a lid on ogling other women and going too far with flirting.

 

Since that point, he has made great strides in how he treats me. Things are not perfect, but they are better then they were. As time passes, he is getting more excited about being a father.

 

My problem is that I am having a seriously hard time getting over his past behavior. I'm now terrified when he goes out with his friends that he's doing things that would disrespect me. I no longer have the energy to go as many places or stay out as late and on top of that I'm often sick.

 

He doesn't seem to really understand why I don't want to just go to a bar to hang out.

 

Last night, we decided to go our separate ways and I went to a friend's house and he went out to watch a boxing match on TV with his friends. On my way home, I called him twice and once home, texted him. Since he has our home phone number forwarded to his cell phone, I knew that a call came in that he picked up immediately AFTER he had been ignoring my texts and calls.

 

When he called me back, I confronted him about it, and he said that he could take calls, or ignore calls, and that was his business. He then explained that it was a friend of his, Bob, and that he had been waiting for that call to come in, and called me back right after.

 

Whether his story is true, I don't have any way of knowing. The bottom line is that I don't trust him and I'm not sure how to put the past behind me.

 

Does anyone have any words of wisdom or advice?

[Mircea]

1 - try to not let this immature ******* be involved in raising the child (i'm assuming he is of the same age as you).

2 - you can raise a child on your own, you have your mother and you can get a job.

3 - he has cheated on you, if he hasn't already.

4 - you can get him to sign the birth-certificate, and if he refuses, sue him for child support (he can't fake a DNA test). Tell him if he refuses, you will sue him after you win for lawyer expenses (i don't know if you can do that there, but it's a bluff basically).

 

Do all of this, after you get back on your feet. This means go to your mom's, get a job, get support from the state if need be ... you need options and you need support.

The one thing you don't need, is him.

 

Children grow up influenced by the behaviours of their parents, do you want your son/daughter to end up like this guy ?

He obviously has some serious boundary issues and with time, these get more and more cemented in the personality, it is that much harder for them to get removed.