I hope history repeats itself...kind of lol. I'm constantly reaching new lows...

[futuregopher]

Just my vent...lol

 

When my first ex of two years broke up with me, it was August of 2008, I was 18 years old, just landed as a college freshman on campus, and was totally set on track of finding ME again. I lost myself the last two years of high school and made sure that I would become a new and better man in college. In my first year, I met a ton of really great people but hated women. I made plenty of women friends but I was just didn't want to date/hookup with anyone. I knew I wanted to be single to find myself to make me a much better person so I wouldn't become so dependent on one person. Towards the end of summer 2009, I felt like I was ready to date again. I wasn't going to wait around thinking that someone great would fall into my lap. I needed to be active

 

So I get to back to campus again and try to be really active in student run organizations. I was really putting myself out there just to meet new people. So the first weekend of school, I meet this girl who I got a number from my freshman year but never called. We both remembered each other and it was kind of awkward. Fast forward a few weeks and we're officially dating as boyfriend and girlfriend. Everything is great all over again. I knew my first ex was nothing compared to this girl. I am really happy to be with this person. She is a year older but I shrug it off. I had been going to the gym hardcore since I got to college but started to taper off... I didn't hang out with my friends as much because I spent most of my time with her....

 

Fast forward to Summer 2011. I am about to start my senior year in college. I visit her in Illinois when I live in NJ for the last week of July. She recently entered the workforce so I had to fly because she didn't have vacation days. The following week after I get back, she breaks up with me saying that she needs time to figure herself out as she's so stressed with work. I am completely devastated. What the hell just happened? I do all the pleading stuff the first two weeks but when I got back to school, I tried to do NC.

 

It's been three months since I felt like the happiness in the world just got taken away from me. I was at the lowest point of my life. I knew my first ex really wasn't a good person so I knew anything would be better than her. I thought I couldn't go any lower. BUT WRONG! Because I reached another new low tonight! Through texting her a bit today, I find out she is "seeing" someone. I of course am so pissed because only three months ago, she was saying "it's not you it's me;I need to find myself; work is so stressful" and yet...she does this. I am still shocked.

 

It took a year to get over my first ex and I am really scared it's going to take a year to get over this one as well. I have been going to the gym 5-6 times a week but I just feel like my time spent here is pointless. I have met a few really cool people but isn't it so funny/sad that you always meet really cool people when you are about to move on to a new chapter of your life? I need to get out of this campus. Thank god I am graduating in December. I came to college with three goals - to meet a ton of friends, to get a job, and find a girlfriend. I made a ton of great people, got a big 4 accounting job in NYC BUT it still feels like I'm a failure because I didn't accomplish the third goal. A part of me is scared to death(!) that I won't find someone better than her but at the same time, I don't want to "settle".

 

I start work in January and I can't wait for January to come fast enough. I am sick of the college life and I need to move onto the next chapter of my life. I miss my family, miss my home, and miss some people back in NJ. I am going to miss a lot of people that I met here in college but it's time for me to move on with my life. I don't know how I'll be in three months but I sure as hell hope I'll be doing better than now. Maybe I'll meet someone special in that time; maybe not but I am putting myself out there like no other! I don't even know if this is the lowest I get. I'm sure it'll get lower at some point in the future but how can you know how good it feels to be up top when you've never realized the lows?

 

Hopefully history repeats itself and I meet someone even better (but not break up!)!!!

 

Thanks for letting me vent LS. You guys are my second family.