dave22 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 First, a little bit about my situation. I was dating this girl, we had a fight a couple of weeks ago and I broke up with her. I had second thoughts but she told me not to, that we were through (this was the third time something like this had happened over the five months we were together). The thing is, we had been very good friends for about seven months before we started dating and she seems to be giving me signals (cautiously) that she wants to be friends again. So I am not sure what to do. I always thought that we would be great together and I still have hope that we could try again sometime down the road (although it may be a long time from now, probably at least many months). On the other hand, I do remember how we were really good friends before and I do miss that, and I think if we really want to, in time we could have something like that again. So the question is, what should I do? If we go back to being friends, do I ruin any chance of ever trying a for a relationship again? Would it be sign of maturity that I could put all of this aside and just be friends? Is it better to stay close to her? Or is it better to leave it be and have her wonder? I am also wondering what experiences other people have had with becoming friends again with an ex.
ErgoStep Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I would keep it in the context of dating. Either you're dating her, or you are looking for someone else. And she's not wanting to date you right now. I might add. Breaking up and getting back together is not a good pattern. You need to hold a steady course with the woman. Breaking up during a fight was a mistake. It was an emotional decision rather than a rational one. It's better to slowly back off, get some space, and then break up. That way you're really sure it's what you want to do.
eweezzee Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 The fact that you have broken up 3 times in 5 months is a very bad sign, those are supposed to be the easiest months! lol in my opinion i would back off. Girls have some kind of mental thing where they CANT be friends with an ex even if you were good friends with them before hand. Obviously this doesnt apply to every girl but i see it for the most part and happened to me personally. i was friends with my ex for 3 years before we dated, ive tried to always remain in contact even if it was once a month or whatever but she wasnt having it at all and she was the one who broke up with me! lol Being friends with an ex is tough bc both of you need to have the same feelings whether its you might get back together one day, or that you will only be friends and not care what each other you do. If you guys dont have the same feelings it will never work. Good luck
freestyle Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Once a relationship moves from platonic to romantic--there's no returning to innocent friendship. It's like trying to put the toothpaste back in the tube, after it's been squeezed out. It's impossible. I'm not saying friendship can NEVER happen again---but from my own experience, lots of time (years ) needs to pass before you can return to being around each other as friends. trying to remain friends after a breakup is usually one party trying to keep a foot in the door.......So there's an agenda based on false premises. Having an ex in your sphere can also potentially sabotage a person's chances at new romance.......A lot of people view a new romantic prospect who's still in regular contact with an ex as a red flag.
monkey00 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 (edited) I've done the whole break up get back together thing a couple times already. But yes I'm still friends with my ex and it's very possible. I think as long as you are able to separate your emotions and not let the friendship hold you down from moving forward with your life, it's doable. If it will hold you down making it hard for you to date others then not being friends is probably the best solution. Also if you still have romantic feelings or hopes of getting back together, then maybe friendship might not be the best solution. I think taking some time apart to reflect on what happened and coming back to them in a renewed self with a better outlook can make the relationship better than it was in the past. Breaking up based off emotion or in the heat of the argument is never a good thing. While there's always a possibility of getting back together. It is a big deal and you should try to talk or work things out before biting the bullet. People get hurt in break ups more often than simple arguments. Edited November 13, 2011 by monkey00
Author dave22 Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 Also if you still have romantic feelings or hopes of getting back together, then maybe friendship might not be the best solution. I think taking some time apart to reflect on what happened and coming back to them in a renewed self with a better outlook can make the relationship better than it was in the past. Yes, I think you are right. I don't know for sure that she wouldn't get back together with me given some time. This all happened in the heat of one weekend and the fact that we are still emailing each other (very cautiously but keeping things positive) is a good sign. So maybe waiting a while and seeing if she is still interested in getting back together is a good idea. I guess we can always try to go back to being friends later.
Mircea Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Are you sure she doesn't just want you on the backburner ? Ex's are ex's for a reason. They are in the past. How would you like it if your next gf had her former ex-bf as a good friend ?
Author dave22 Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 Are you sure she doesn't just want you on the backburner ? Ex's are ex's for a reason. They are in the past. How would you like it if your next gf had her former ex-bf as a good friend ? I wouldn't even consider it if we hadn't been good friends before and if I hadn't once promised her that we would stay friends no matter what happened.
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