Grayson Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Hey, all. I'm not very experienced in the world of dating. Admittedly, I'm pretty socially challenged. And although I've been on a few dates in my life, none were the result of me getting up the nerve to ask somebody out (I was either set up by a friend, or in some other situation irrelevant to this one). But there's this girl who works at a take-out place I frequent. I'm very attracted to her, and find myself thinking about her all the time. The problem, of course, is that, because of the nature of the business, I've never really had a chance to chat with her. All I really know about her is that she's pretty and nice . We know each other on a first name basis, and she greets me by name whenever she sees me come in. Over time, we've shared a couple smiles from across the room. But I'm too dense to know whether or not all this is a sign she likes me or if she just has good customer service skills. Obviously, because I barely know her, I don't feel asking her out on a "date" date would be the right thing to do. Rather, I was thinking about asking if she wants to hang out; get some coffee or something. A safe, low-pressure way to get to know each other and see if we share anything in common. So am I going about this the right way? What exactly should I say? Should I try to spark up a conversation first, or just go right out and ask her? Also, I know that I would be terribly scared and uncomfortable doing this, but what about her? If there are customers/co-workers around, would it make her embarrassed or uncomfortable? I hate to put her on the spot, but I guess any time you're asked out you're being put on the spot. Do I have any hope? Thanks for the advice!
Dust Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 If you know what kind of music she listenst to you could say you have an extra ticket to the concert. Smooth and low pressure because she'll want to say yes.
ErgoStep Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I think you need to look beyond this woman to the big picture. You are inexperienced with dating. You need a plan to find women, a steady stream of women. A lot of flirty friends is good. Realistically, you will date a few women before you get good at it.
jobaba Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Hey, all. I'm not very experienced in the world of dating. Admittedly, I'm pretty socially challenged. And although I've been on a few dates in my life, none were the result of me getting up the nerve to ask somebody out (I was either set up by a friend, or in some other situation irrelevant to this one). But there's this girl who works at a take-out place I frequent. I'm very attracted to her, and find myself thinking about her all the time. The problem, of course, is that, because of the nature of the business, I've never really had a chance to chat with her. All I really know about her is that she's pretty and nice . We know each other on a first name basis, and she greets me by name whenever she sees me come in. Over time, we've shared a couple smiles from across the room. But I'm too dense to know whether or not all this is a sign she likes me or if she just has good customer service skills. Obviously, because I barely know her, I don't feel asking her out on a "date" date would be the right thing to do. Rather, I was thinking about asking if she wants to hang out; get some coffee or something. A safe, low-pressure way to get to know each other and see if we share anything in common. So am I going about this the right way? What exactly should I say? Should I try to spark up a conversation first, or just go right out and ask her? Also, I know that I would be terribly scared and uncomfortable doing this, but what about her? If there are customers/co-workers around, would it make her embarrassed or uncomfortable? I hate to put her on the spot, but I guess any time you're asked out you're being put on the spot. Do I have any hope? Thanks for the advice! There's nothing abnormal or unusual about what you are attempting to do. Guys do it all the time. It's your mentality that is totally off. You cannot be obsessed with a woman you barely know in that kind of manner. It's bad enough when you invest in a woman you do know well who doesn't reciprocate. Based on the facts presented, your chances of success (defined as getting a date) I'd say are <2%. If I was going to do what you are attempting to do (and I have), I'd treat the activity as more of a joke ... go in with a flippant attitude. To wit, something said recently to me by a co-worker of mine... "Oh. That Dunkin Donuts girl is kinda cute. We've talked a few times. She calls me by my name. I'm gonna ask her for her number for kicks. Oh, by the way, my girlfriend said she wants to go hiking this weekend." I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say you're a young guy (20-24?). You need to change your mentality of how you think, particularly the bolded above. I know it's hard, but the sooner you do, the better off you'll be.
Author Grayson Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 Thanks for the replies. jobaba, I hear what you're saying. Although when I say I'm thinking about her all the time, I should have said that it was when I decided I wanted to ask her out that I began running through the scenario (of asking her out) all the time in my mind. That's the part I can't get out of my head. It's not as though I'm fantasizing about our life together or picking out the names of our children . Though, I do realize dwelling like that on someone I don't know is not good for me. And admittedly, the only connection here is that I find her attractive. But there are a lot of women I see on a regular basis that I find attractive for whom I don't feel that nagging nervousness at the back of my neck when I think about asking her out. There have been a lot of women to whom I was physically attracted, whom I lost interest in once I got to know them better. And that could very well happen with this girl, but I don't know how I'll get any other chance to find out
ErgoStep Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Though, I do realize dwelling like that on someone I don't know is not good for me. It's a lot of fun, and keeps your mind occupied. It also builds a crush on her, which might make you stutter. There have been a lot of women to whom I was physically attracted, whom I lost interest in once I got to know them better. And that could very well happen with this girl, but I don't know how I'll get any other chance to find out Ideally you want her feeling the same feelings you do. That takes flirting. My guess is that your dating life has been mostly intellectual to this point. Then there is also building the emotional connection. Emotional and physical go hand in hand.
Leegh Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Is there a slow time at her work, where you could ask her questions about the different food items, etc. and strike up a conversation about the food for starters? Then after several times of doing that, you could ask her to meet you for coffee on her day off, or after work sometime. Speaking for myself, (I'm female) it's much harder for me to call back a guy that I really like vs. a guy I don't like. The same thing with job interviews, the more I wanted a job the more nervous I was at the interview. I think there is more anxiety when we really want something.
notafraid55 Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 You are going on the right track... You need to hang out for a while, go to the movies or something, then ask her on date. Personally, if I was in your position, I would 'hangout' with her until the end of December, then I would ask her out on New Year's (or New Year's Eve) For Example, I did that last year, and since I live in New York City, I gave her a hell of a time at Time's Square. I told her this 'I wanna shake it up this year? Take Me?' She said screamed and said yes. But just make sure you ask her when its quiet, and you know absolutely nothing is going to interrupt you. Hope this helps!!
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