just need some guidance

[tigz]

hiya guys.

 

so i'll save you all the small details of my relationship and i'll just try and tell you the major parts (probably will still be long ) i'm pretty much passed the extremely sad/depression part. (i lost 10 pounds when i was in that stage). now im just in like a whatever mood. okay back to the details. we dated for a little over a year. i'll save you all the lovey dovey details of it, but it was a great relationship up until well you know lol. she broke up with me, and basically left me hanging. her reasons were "im not happy" "relationship was more work than fun" "not myself". this was 2 weeks after an incident we had. i was mad at her for something i do not remember. and i left my phone somewhere, checked it like 5 hours later, and she blew up my phone saying how much she loves me and wants me. i treated this girl with all my respect and loved her as much as i could, and she knows that. after the break up, i was shocked, because this kinda came out of no where. i ended up sending like 2 major messages to her. one saying how can she give up on this relationship like this. she then proceeded to call me clingy and said this was pushing her more away. at first i thought it was true, then after talking to friends and family for a week or 2. i came to the conclusion she felt really guilty and had to push the blame onto me so she could feel better about herself in her own mind. like honestly, all i said in that message was how much i loved her, it was just my feelings, no harsh words or anything. so after this i stood up for myself, sent her a message saying she was wrong for calling me clingy and what not and i just was telling her my feelings. i told her to enjoy her life cuz what and how she is treating me now, i dont want to be apart of it. 3 weeks have passed of NC. i started to think with my brain and not my heart now. so i thought for days and this letter i was going to write her. i put a bunch of thoughts together. i didnt want it to seem like i was desperate, but i wanted to be who i am. anyways. i got her address wrong and couldnt write it out:( so i sent it over facebook today. in my gut, i know she won't respond, but i hope it atleast affects her somewhat. here it is.

http://i44.tinypic.com/10pyucw.png

 

 

So i know it seems like i am asking how to get her back, but i'm not. i want to know how to move on. if she comes back, then she comes back, but life moves on even though its going to suck for the upcoming weeks. I have been dreaming of goals since the break up. I want to transfer out of this community college and into a university with some of my friends. I want to play soccer again(quit couple years ago, played travel for 11 years). i want to work out(without quitting after a week haha) i want to succeed in life. all these sound great to me, and i want to do them. but they all seem so far away:(. i go days without hardcore thinking about her, but that 1 or 2 days during the week i break and look at her facebook or something and i take a step back in my healing. i dont know what im really asking, i guess for advice and some healing storys that people have experienced. and how they achieved healing.

 

thank you all. i have been on these forums since break up, made 1 post, but mostly just reading them everyday, but i couldnt take it anymore and i had to make my own. i hope you guys understand it, i know its basically like i scrambled all my thoughts into 1 big paragraph haha. but yes, i greatly appreciate anyone who reads/comments on this. makes me happy:)

Edited November 13, 2011 by tigz

[Mcnulty]

Reading the letter, you are asking her to come back and you are appearing needy from where I stand.

 

This is one of the reasons she cited for the break up.

 

Acceptance is the key here I'm afraid. She's left you and gave you reasons, you have to accept these reasons and move on my friend.

 

The more you push her the more she will pull away. Please try to go NC with her and concentrate on trying to heal.

 

Hope you don't view this as harsh.

[fredrickhsalas]

I think youre not desparate..You just want her know how you love her very much...but you know what you need to move on already..be possitive.maybe someday you are both meant for each other....and start a new chapter of your life.