fificremefarben Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Ok, so I'm about 3.5 months out of my relationship (boyfriend of 4 years left me for someone else, though he denied that this was the reason for a month before finally admitting it. He then refused to talk it out or explain for my closure, saying we had nothing to talk about. He completely cut me out of his life. After 14 years of friendship/4 years of relationship). It is about 2.5 months NC. I've accepted the relationship is over and would say I'm definitely in tr angry phase. I know it's over and that I had a lucky escape dice he turned out to be a really bad guy. He really hurt me though and I can't see myself getting over that for the moment. I am really mission affection, though. I recently bumped into an old ex in a bar (the ex before my most recent ex) who I hadn't seen in 5 years. The relationship didn't end badly we were both just so busy at university we didn't have time to see each other so it just seemed pointless. Anyway, we didn't get to talk much at the bar because he was leaving as I wa coming in but he got my number and messaged me the next day to say it was good to see me. We continued to message and the spark still seemed to be there on our banter. Anyway, he asked me if I wanted to meet up for a proper catch up next weekend an I said yes. I'm not sure if anything romantic was implied it even if he has a girlfriend. I can't help but feel, though, that if things develop on the night I'll be unable to say no because I'm missing affection and because he's familiar. What do you think?
kat27 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Can you tell us a little bit about this new/old guy? Who broke up with who, how long did you date?
YaOldBuckaroo Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Hi fificremefarben, Based on the info you shared, my guess is that you indeed will not say no to the whatever happens on the night you meet up with your ex. Max
lymtal1 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 fificremefarben, here is what i can offer. i have been broken up for 5 months now. i was the dumpee. i took it very hard. it is still hard and there is not a day that goes by that i don't think what if. do i have some hope that we will get back together, not so much now. we were very incompatible. did it crush my self-seteem? very. what i have done since then? saw a therapist, read ten books on relationships, self esteem and co-deprndency. got in very good shape. reconnected with family and friends. drove myself to get the career that i wanted. i did a bunch of work and owe it to much of the advice i received from this site. bottom line was i focused on me. so that tells you where i was emotionally. in a bad place. a month into this i ran into my ex college girlfriend who i was with for five years. it was great to see her as i always had thought about her and wondered how she was doing. we started doing some things together, lunch, movies, golf, dinner etc. spending time together basically. i told her everything that had happened with my most recent ex. she knew what was going on. it did not seem to bother her and she kept wanting to spend time with me. i was encouraged by folks to continue along as i seemed to be feeling better and in a different frame of mind, they would tell me. so how did i feel? did all the just past feelings and emotions vanish? heck no. in fact they hightened. i compared her to the ex in everyway. did i feel better? very much. it was a great boost for my ego and self esteem. having someone tell you what you need to hear is great for helping you rationalize that although i got dumped, i still had so many great traits, and was a good person. all i felt which was what i was told that was "bad" about me, really was an opinion of the ex's. so here we are four months later and she is still around, we are still going out and having fun. where is my head regarding my ex you ask? it is better but i still think about her everyday and many times during the day. the ex ex knows this and is still willing to hang around at a pultonic level, so far. she is starting to hint that she wants more. i am starting to have some feelings but am being very cautious. i do not want this to be a flat out rebound for me. i want to be fair to her. what do i think? i think based on my recent experience is tread lightly. be very cognizant of the fact that it will be very easy to develop feelings for the ex ex as they were there in the past. ask yourself if you are over the most recent ex and are at a place of indifference with them. if you answer no then you might be in a place for a rebound and that is not good for you both. will it help. absolutely. just go in with your and his eyes wide open and it could be very beneficial to your healing.
fredrickhsalas Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I'm in a similar situation I'm 27 she's 25... I'm starting to realise she ain't coming bk and it's easier and kinder to let her go if I love her I've just moved all my stuff bk to my mums today very stressful. But I knw that in time I will meet someone else no point dwelling on the past!
M2155 Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Interesting. I'm just curious what you decide. I ran into an ex from 4-5 years ago recently and he wondered how I had been and seemed really excited to go out sometime. We didn't break up for anything bad either, just bad timing and poor communication. Unfortunately I'm not at all interested, but the timing is uncanny since I'm just over the recent ex that broke my heart. I guess it depends on how you feel about this ex, like you said he didn't imply anything. I could hang out with this ex I mentioned above with no problems but I have another ex from the past where I may think differently Just don't lead anyone on if you are not serious.
Author fificremefarben Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 Hi, Firstly, apologies for all of the mispellings in my original post. I used my iphone to post the thread and autocorrect took over a few times, it seems. Thank you so much everyone for your insight. I'm meeting him this weekend. Like I said, there was nothing implied and I don't even know his status and this could all just be speculation. I'm definitely not ready for another relationship at the moment, I'm still too hurt, However, at the same time, I'm a huge believe in fate, and I find it slightly bizarre that he somehow appeared back in my life at this time so I feel I owe it to let it go where it goes. I'll keep you all posted
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