Four children, an affair and a pending divorce. What to do?

[quarterlifecrisis2]

My wife of 6 years and woman of 11 years, (since sophomores in high school) left me in August for another man after I found out about the affair. Obviously, this has been the hardest thing I've ever delt with, especially with us having four children together. The worst part is she left me for a man from church, who had recently been kicked out by his wife for cheating and was demoted from youth pastor at his church. I decided to keep seeking God and take the high road. I got to a point of peace and joy and that seemed to trouble her. Out of nowhere she tells me she misses and loves me, that she's sorry for hurting me and it wasn't intentional, that they fight all the time because of how she still feels for me, that when he touches her all she thinks about is me, and that she wants her life back. BUT...she left me hanging onto those words and really hasn't said much since. She'll start pouring out her heart to a point and then leave me hanging, completely confused. I love this woman with all my heart, but now she's worried about "breaking" this other mans heart. She seems indecisive but I feel like the decision shouldn't be hers to make. As much as I want my life back, I can't help but to wonder how I could ever trust her and if it would happen again. I don't want her back because she thinks it's the right thing to do. I want her back because she is in love with me and wants to work on our marriage. So, does anyone think it would be okay for me to give her a deadline? Basically, I tell her "You have til such n such date, and it's either you tell him to hit the road and choose to work on this marriage, or you stay with him and deal with the decision you've made." Btw, our divorce court date is set for Decemeber 8! thoughts and advice would be greatly appreciated

Edited November 13, 2011 by quarterlifecrisis2

[Tony T]

The ONLY reason she is behaving this way is because you appear to have moved past her. All you have to do is tell her you love her and you want to be with her forever and you're toast. This woman is confused and flakey. You don't need that. It's a classic case of wanting what she can't have. If you want to have some fun, start showing her lots of attention and see how fast she puts her foot on the gas.

 

You don't need this woman. Don't back up now. You're going forward...keep on going. Remember, people always want what they perceive they can't have...or what may be hard to get. That's why people get divorced or have affairs with people who are married. Human beings are strange creatures.

[xquarkofborgx]

Honestly she is feeling bad about what she did to you. I was in a similar situation with my sons mother. She left me for some goon and then wanted me back and did nothing but text and talk to me like we were still together the whole time. She wants what she cant have. You could probably find someone better for you that will not cheat. She will cheat if you get back with her because she will feel that you will just forgive her again. If she was in love with you she wouldnt have done it to begin with. You gotta think, do you want to have to be with her and look at her every night knowing what she did to you. People say they get over things but they dont. Move on like I did things will get much better and now I am with someone that I TRUST.