Struggling men: play the game or play the woman?

[kaleidoscope]

somedude81, take a moment and reflect that you are not that short first of all. There are many, many men shorter than you. Also, there are many, many women shorter than you.

 

So don't beat yourself up so much on that. I think its translating into bitterness for women.

 

There are even big stars like Tom Cruise who are not super tall.

 

Regarding bigger women, at least treat them with the same respect as you would for a sister or mother who was obese.

 

Sure, there is likely a choice to lose some weight if a guy or girl is 500+ pounds. But sometimes its psychological too. Its not that they don't want to lose weight, maybe there are some psychological barriers.

 

Have some level of empathy.

 

Also, the whole point it seems is that you want to SLEEP with women. Personally, I don't sleep with a woman unless I really care about her, and usually only if I love her.

 

So I'm wondering if you want a REAL relationship. Sure there are girls that just want to sleep around. Do you really want that kind of girl?

 

Rethink some things. You'll find there are many ways to give and receive love.

[Negative Nancy]

If being obese wasn't a choice then how come every woman isn't 200lbs +?

 

really?

 

we might as well turn your question around and ask you - with regards to your very own hang-ups about your height -: how come every man isn't 5"6?

 

just as every man can't be 6 feet tall, not every woman can be super fit and slim...and some have genetic dispositions or diseases that make them obese - just like your genetics make you 5"6

 

 

Frankly, I find it disgusting that a short man is about as attractive to a woman as an obese woman is to a man.

 

It sucks that there is absolutely nothing I can do, outside of painful and expensive surgery to get taller.

 

suck it up....millions of women go thru painful cosmetic surgery and procedure just to please men...you ask about their pains? nope...instead you're hypocritically judging fat women but then you complain when it's YOU being judged about your height?

 

if you can't see the irony in that then i don't know what to tell you anymore..

[Woggle]

Women mostly go through that stuff for themselves and other women.

[missed_theboat]

Some people are superficial and will always sort of be that way.

 

I need to feel physically attracted to my mate, but that comes in different forms for me. My last ex was conventionally hot. He is tall, fit, with all the qualities you could imagine a "hot" man to have, hegemonically speaking. When he approached me, thinking I was hot/good-looking, too, I was kind of amazed. For some reason I never thought a man like him would be interested in me.

 

I think I'm pretty, etc, but I kind of doubted I'd end up falling in love with someone who was what I considered "extremely hot". I always fell for guys who were good looking, but regular. It's hard to explain, but I guess I wasn't used to having a man who a bunch of other women thought was attractive, too.

 

Anyway, even after I started dating him, I was still incredulous that he would fall for me. It's an insecurity, I guess--I mean, I'm a good person, so why shouldn't I deserve it? But, I judged him for his good-looks in an unfair way. I assumed he'd have certain views, want me to look and behave a certain way--and I was completely wrong! He was a sweetheart who really liked me the way I was.

 

So, when I thought my ex was hot to look at, I was more interested in how he would be as a person--because I would not date someone who was "extremely hot" but had a terrible attitude or personality.

[fortyninethousand322]

really?

 

we might as well turn your question around and ask you - with regards to your very own hang-ups about your height -: how come every man isn't 5"6?

 

just as every man can't be 6 feet tall, not every woman can be super fit and slim...and some have genetic dispositions or diseases that make them obese - just like your genetics make you 5"6

 

When did he say he wanted someone "super fit and slim"? Everything I've ever read that he's wrote indicates he's just not into "obese" women. Now granted, not everyone can be super model thin (and that's good) but it's far easier to adjust your weight than it is to adjust your height. Or, is there really a diet plan to help you grow a few inches?

 

 

 

 

suck it up....millions of women go thru painful cosmetic surgery and procedure just to please men...you ask about their pains? nope...instead you're hypocritically judging fat women but then you complain when it's YOU being judged about your height?

 

if you can't see the irony in that then i don't know what to tell you anymore..

 

I don't think you really get it. But that's ok, I don't expect someone like you to get it anyway.

[allina]

Why?

 

Because when you refer to them as being "the bottom of the barrel" and comment how they "don't have very high standards", "aren't picky, and men ignore them" solely based on appearance, more so their size, you are being incredibly judgmental at face value. You are also writing off and entire group of the population

 

True, he was, but in case you haven't noticed obesity isn't a highly desired trait in women. Call if judgmental but obesity is not attractive or desirable.

[aj22one]

My point wasn't who he is attracted to, it was how he basically dismissed and dehumanized obese people with his comments. There is such a thing as tact, and even indifference is more respectful of another human being than saying such derogatory things.

 

This attitude burns me up because I have experienced both sides of the coin. I have been the pretty little fit one (110) as well as the unhealthy obese one (397). I am happily in the middle now, but throughout all of it, I was always the same person. I had and have the same heart and mind and soul and desires as any human being.

 

Being obese is not a choice as some of you seem to think. I certainly didn't choose it. It is not as simple to change as going for a jog or eating lettuce and working out hours a day. It can often be a symptom or side effect of other health issues. Millions of people have “invisible” health problems, such as cancer, arthritis, or MS. Obesity is just one that is visible.

 

I’ll leave you to discuss your post in peace, that just really hit a nerve. Hard.

 

Interesting perspective.

 

I do judge women superficially. I almost exclusively date Indian/Pakistani women, and sometimes Middle Eastern looking women (even though I'm white myself). A white blonde chick has no choice in whether or not she's naturally blonde and white, and yet I'm just not attracted to those types of women. Nothing personal, it's just how I roll. It's not fair that I judge based on ethnicity, but life's not fair either so oh well.

 

I didn't think Somedude was being particularly hateful, but then again I've never been an obese woman so I can't really know how it feels from that POV.

[Negative Nancy]

Women mostly go through that stuff for themselves and other women.

 

that's just what men like to tell themselves in order to make themselves feel better.

 

women observe and see who men really go after and lust after, so of course they try to emulate that in order to compete with other women. after all, what we've learned here is that men want the hottest women they can get and mostly that hot woman is surgically enhanced, young and fits a certain stereotype.

 

i mean, who do we see in porn and on the covers of maxim, stuff, fhm, playboy? is it the homely 40 year old plain jane, or is the hot young blonde/brunette with implants, extensions and god knows what other surgery?

 

somedude, you have admitted on here that you are attracted to women with huge knockers (e.g. lucy pinder). so should women with smaller equipment bemoan your shallowness now and the fact that THEY in turn could only live up to that by "painful surgery" as well?

[aj22one]

that's just what men like to tell themselves in order to make themselves feel better.

 

women observe and see who men really go after and lust after, so of course they try to emulate that in order to compete with other women. after all, what we've learned here is that men want the hottest women they can get and mostly that hot woman is surgically enhanced, young and fits a certain stereotype.

 

i mean, who do we see in porn and on the covers of maxim, stuff, fhm, playboy? is it the homely 40 year old plain jane, or is the hot young blonde/brunette with implants, extensions and god knows what other surgery?

 

somedude, you have admitted on here that you are attracted to women with huge knockers (e.g. lucy pinder). so should women with smaller equipment bemoan your shallowness now and the fact that THEY in turn could only live up to that by "painful surgery" as well?

 

I don't base my life and who I find attractive on the basis of what mass media (aka corporate slime) promotes. I'd imagine most other men feel the same way.

[Negative Nancy]

True, he was, but in case you haven't noticed obesity isn't a highly desired trait in women. Call if judgmental but obesity is not attractive or desirable.

 

neither is shortness in men.

 

A white blonde chick has no choice in whether or not she's naturally blonde and white, and yet I'm just not attracted to those types of women. Nothing personal, it's just how I roll. It's not fair that I judge based on ethnicity, but life's not fair either so oh well.

 

exactly. nothing bad about it, it is what it is. so while somedude's complaints are understandable, calling women's preferences "disgusting" is pathetic.

[Woggle]

that's just what men like to tell themselves in order to make themselves feel better.

 

women observe and see who men really go after and lust after, so of course they try to emulate that in order to compete with other women. after all, what we've learned here is that men want the hottest women they can get and mostly that hot woman is surgically enhanced, young and fits a certain stereotype.

 

i mean, who do we see in porn and on the covers of maxim, stuff, fhm, playboy? is it the homely 40 year old plain jane, or is the hot young blonde/brunette with implants, extensions and god knows what other surgery?

 

somedude, you have admitted on here that you are attracted to women with huge knockers (e.g. lucy pinder). so should women with smaller equipment bemoan your shallowness now and the fact that THEY in turn could only live up to that by "painful surgery" as well?

 

Women themselves say it all the time.

[Woggle]

Also I see unattractive women out all the time with their husbands and boyfriends and in many cases a bunch of kids so they have no issue getting men.

[Negative Nancy]

probably cos the men settled, but if they had a chance to be with their physical ideal, they would get it on with her in a heartbeat. many men cheat or bang hookers on the side.

[allina]

neither is shortness in men.

 

 

To me it's not the same. Obesity is something you can control and it reflects your life style. Some men are just born shorter than others, it doesn't mean they don't take care of themselves or aren't fit. My H is 6' but I'd love him just the same if he was 5'6.

[aj22one]

exactly. nothing bad about it, it is what it is. so while somedude's complaints are understandable, calling women's preferences "disgusting" is pathetic.

 

It's all about perspective though. Being short (5'6" isn't that short) will be unattractive to some women but not all. Obviously Somedude hasn't come across any women (or very few) who are willing to give him a chance, so when all he's doing is getting rejected, he's bound to become bitter.

 

Many women I've tried to date or ask out have rejected me because I was white or not of a certain religion. I let it roll off my back because I know there will be some women who won't care about that. Somedude's gotta do the same, but I think it's going to require that he get some success though so he can get some momentum going his way.

 

Getting some success is going to be key.

[Woggle]

probably cos the men settled, but if they had a chance to be with their physical ideal, they would get it on with her in a heartbeat. many men cheat or bang hookers on the side.

 

Do you honestly think women are any different?

[Negative Nancy]

that depends on the woman. i can't speak for all women, i don't cheat, neither does my mother, my aunts, my friends. whereas i can think of at least 5 relationships that ended because the man cheated. i've been cheated on too. so overall, men seem to cheat more in my perception.

[aj22one]

that depends on the woman. i can't speak for all women, i don't cheat, neither does my mother, my aunts, my friends. whereas i can think of at least 5 relationships that ended because the man cheated. i've been cheated on too. so overall, men seem to cheat more in my perception.

 

This is true. But, the guys who ended up settling for their wives (instead of getting their "ideal" as you put it earlier) are generally not the ones cheating on their wives. It's always the guys who could get any woman they want who end up cheating (like Tiger Woods, etc.). Men who lack confidence, dating skills and what have you are not getting any side action not matter how aesthetically good looking they are.

[Negative Nancy]

Somedude's gotta do the same, but I think it's going to require that he get some success though so he can get some momentum going his way.

 

Getting some success is going to be key.

 

I agree, and I wish him all the success in the world. I have nothing against him and I'm sure some girls will find him interesting IF his height is his only roadblock. I just call out hypocrisy when I see it.

[Woggle]

that depends on the woman. i can't speak for all women, i don't cheat, neither does my mother, my aunts, my friends. whereas i can think of at least 5 relationships that ended because the man cheated. i've been cheated on too. so overall, men seem to cheat more in my perception.

 

Maybe you know different women but I have known faithful women who had to defend themselves from accusations that they were stepford wives because they didn't cheat.

 

I have also had women try to hit on me and called me lame and old fashioned when I refused to cheat on my wife.

[missed_theboat]

I don't think it's unreasonable not to be attracted to obese people. I mean, I am not attracted to blondes either, but that doesn't make me a bad person, does it? I just don't find overweight men attractive. I don't think they're desperate or lazy or anything like that. Some people go for the big guys, who are like bears they can hug and hold and feel safe with... Some men like bigger girls for other reasons, too.

 

I know a friend of mine has been big her whole life and has had issues with body image and self esteem and she sleeps around a lot with guys and has had maybe one long-term boyfriend (in high school). I think she's insecure so she does end up putting herself out there and sleeping with random people (who are often *******s) in order to feel okay with herself. Not all large people are like that, of course, but it's just that she hasn't realized that she deserves someone who will respect her for who she is.

[Negative Nancy]

men get the same messages from their buddies too, they get called "lame" and "p****-whipped" when they calm down and settle down with a woman or when they don't wanna live it up with the guys out in the clubs anymore. so i don't know what you're trying to say because how you react to those messages is entirely up to you and your own maturity. i have never had any friends call me lame because i don't cheat, in fact it is an unspoken assumption in my circle that we're faithful and loyal and the cheater gets his/her ass grilled.

 

 

aj, i couldn't add this anymore to my last post: somedude said though he already had success once, but "unfortunately" in his opinion it was only a "drunk fattie". so sorry, my sympathy is limited here. what somedude wants is success and validation from the hotties, but at the same time he is judgmental about fatties when theoretically he has no business being THAT judgmental.

[Woggle]

Nobody in my circle gets called lame when they are faithful but when we a see a guy who can't even go to a concert or go to a game without getting chewed we see an emasculated shell of a man. I can be a loving and faithful husband without losing my identity.

[Negative Nancy]

of course you can, nobody claimed otherwise and i don't know how it got from cheating to not going out. but it is also a fact that many men try to egg on their male friends when out in the club, "look, that hottie over there smiled at you, go for it". men cover up so much b******t for their friends, I've experienced it first hand.

[Woggle]

of course you can, nobody claimed otherwise and i don't know how it got from cheating to not going out. but it is also a fact that many men try to egg on their male friends when out in the club, "look, that hottie over there smiled at you, go for it". men cover up so much b******t for their friends, I've experienced it first hand.

 

Women do it as well. When we first moved to NJ my ex made a bunch of friends who egged her on and told her not to let me control her sexuality which I was doing by asking her to be faithful.