eerie_reverie Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 I am starting to need to hear that he loves me. Is there anything I can do? I don't want to say it first because: -I asked him out -I initiated the sex I need him to take the lead on this one... but it's been 6 months and I don't think I'm gonna hear it anytime soon. I'm starting to feel insecure.
dasein Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 No idea really. Buy him a car? It will mean more when he does say it if itsn't prompted.
Author eerie_reverie Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 I love you, Eerie, if that helps at all. haha thanks
ErgoStep Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I am starting to need to hear that he loves me. Is there anything I can do? Tell him that you love him. It sounds like he's not one to take the initiative.
Author eerie_reverie Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 It will mean more when he does say it if itsn't prompted. Yup... especially in this case, where I have been going all of the driving in the relationship.
allina Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Do his feelings suggest that he loves you or do you feel like you're more in to the relationship than he is? Is it just about the words ILY or is it also about how he treats you?
eweezzee Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I am starting to need to hear that he loves me. Is there anything I can do? I don't want to say it first because: -I asked him out -I initiated the sex I need him to take the lead on this one... but it's been 6 months and I don't think I'm gonna hear it anytime soon. I'm starting to feel insecure. You might want to think about this relationship and if you want to find someone else who gives you the attention you need. You have initiated everything and what happens when you want to get married are you going to propose to him? just something to think about. Good Luck
Author eerie_reverie Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 Do his feelings suggest that he loves you or do you feel like you're more in to the relationship than he is? Is it just about the words ILY or is it also about how he treats you? He treats me really well and by his actions appears to be at least as into the relationship as I am. But, at the 6 month mark, especially when we are spending almost every night together, I am expecting him to be a little more explicit about his intentions.
Author eerie_reverie Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 You might want to think about this relationship and if you want to find someone else who gives you the attention you need. You have initiated everything and what happens when you want to get married are you going to propose to him? just something to think about. Good Luck I'm not lacking for attention from him - he actively includes me in every part of his life, all the time. He just sucks at being verbal about his feelings/ intentions, and I want to HEAR that he loves me.
The dot Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I am starting to need to hear that he loves me. Is there anything I can do? I don't want to say it first because: -I asked him out -I initiated the sex I need him to take the lead on this one... but it's been 6 months and I don't think I'm gonna hear it anytime soon. I'm starting to feel insecure. Ummm, maybe he doesn't love you? Yeah, I know, it sucks to hear, but it's probably true. Look at the facts. You had to ask him out, you initiated the sex, you've had to do all the work so far. Maybe he's just not interested in a serious relationship. Heck, I have no interest in a serious relationship, but if a half-way attractive woman intiates sex with me I'll probably still take it.
Woggle Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Weren't you almost ready to break up with him a couples months ago because you were losing attraction.
ErgoStep Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I'm not lacking for attention from him - he actively includes me in every part of his life, all the time. He just sucks at being verbal about his feelings/ intentions, and I want to HEAR that he loves me. Sounds like he's sending you good signals.
Author eerie_reverie Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 Weren't you almost ready to break up with him a couples months ago because you were losing attraction. Woggle, Like you I have my own issues, but I try to work through them. Our relationship has been great and my feelings have been strong and steady for a couple of months.
Author eerie_reverie Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 Ummm, maybe he doesn't love you? Yeah, I know, it sucks to hear, but it's probably true. Look at the facts. You had to ask him out, you initiated the sex, you've had to do all the work so far. Maybe he's just not interested in a serious relationship. Heck, I have no interest in a serious relationship, but if a half-way attractive woman intiates sex with me I'll probably still take it. Doesn't ring true.
OliveOyl Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Do you know whether he's ever told anyone else ILY? I wouldn't play any games or manipulate the situation to try to get him to say those three words. I don't think there's anything you can do but either ask him "how do you feel about me?" or tell him that you love him first. He's probably just one of those guys who doesn't express himself verbally.
The dot Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Doesn't ring true. Well, by all means, believe whatever you like, but most guys don't beat about the bush on this subject. After all, most women have had at least one guy who pursued them, a guy they didnt' want. The guy who sends you flowers in the office, the guy who sends you text messages at work, that sort of thing. Those are the guys who love you. The guys who just take free sex when it's offered, the guy who accepts your offer to go on a date when he's got nothing else on? Maybe not so much. As I said before, I have accepted dates with women I wasn't interested in, just for the sake of having a good time. I knew I was never going to "love" these women or commit to a serious relationship, but that didn't stop me going out and having fun. So you're options here seem to be either just enjoy what you have and make the best of it, or torture yourself over three words he hasn't said yet.
xxoo Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I'd just ask. "Do you feel in love with me, or something else?" Try to ask in a tone that says you want to know his true feelings, not that you want to hear ILY. Be prepared to accept his answer, either way.
Author eerie_reverie Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 Do you know whether he's ever told anyone else ILY? . I'm not certain, but I think he probably has. He's got a couple long-term relationships under his belt. I wouldn't play any games or manipulate the situation to try to get him to say those three words. I don't think there's anything you can do but either ask him "how do you feel about me?" or tell him that you love him first. He's probably just one of those guys who doesn't express himself verbally. I definitely haven't been playing games or intentionally being manipulative. I did say "I love your dick," during sex once to try to get him more comfortbale with the "L" word but I don't think that counts. Re: being expressive verbally, he is actually a really great communicator, and he's a lawyer by profession so he's good with words... which only makes it more perplexing that he'd have such a hard time with this. But he's also a cautious guy so maybe he's just taking his time?
Author eerie_reverie Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 (edited) Well, by all means, believe whatever you like, but most guys don't beat about the bush on this subject. After all, most women have had at least one guy who pursued them, a guy they didnt' want. The guy who sends you flowers in the office, the guy who sends you text messages at work, that sort of thing. Those are the guys who love you. The guys who just take free sex when it's offered, the guy who accepts your offer to go on a date when he's got nothing else on? Maybe not so much. As I said before, I have accepted dates with women I wasn't interested in, just for the sake of having a good time. I knew I was never going to "love" these women or commit to a serious relationship, but that didn't stop me going out and having fun. So you're options here seem to be either just enjoy what you have and make the best of it, or torture yourself over three words he hasn't said yet. Seems like you're just trying to make me feel bad. Our relationship goes beyond him "accepting" a date because he has nothing else going on. Edited November 13, 2011 by eerie_reverie
ffw Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Since you are taking initiative everytime, I am wondering in the future, when the time comes to settle down who is going to propose?
ErgoStep Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 He probably doesn't know it's important. And the woman can propose (eventually). Or at least discuss it, so he can propose.
FitChick Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Yet another reason why I never ask men out. I don't like torturing myself wondering if he really likes me or is waiting for someone better to come along. I've never had to say "I love you" first to a man. Actions are more important than words. Plenty of women hear "I love you, babe" while their boyfriends treat them like crap over and over. Give it a year then have The Talk about whether you should split up or stay together. By then he should be fully invested in you so if you said you were having doubts because he never said "I love you," either he'd say he's not ready for a serious commitment or "Of course I love you!"
Imajerk17 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Well eerie, I did check your last thread (too much free time on my hands tonight). You wrote a thread towards the end of September how you weren't feeing it with him. That's not that long ago, within 2 months. My point is that he probably wants to make sure that you are really in it, because from the way it looks, he has had some reason to doubt. Just because you moved on from your doubts doesn't mean he has moved on from his.
ErgoStep Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Actions are more important than words. Plenty of women hear "I love you, babe" while their boyfriends treat them like crap over and over. Give it a year then have The Talk about whether you should split up or stay together. By then he should be fully invested in you so if you said you were having doubts because he never said "I love you," either he'd say he's not ready for a serious commitment or "Of course I love you!" Yes. This.
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