alexa137 Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 is it just me or are there others who just cant do the dating more than one man at a time thing? especially if you really like the first guy but kidna waiting to figure out if its gonna be more than just dating or possibly a relationship or something. Its hard for me to spend time with other guys also knowing that they dont have as much potential as #1 or you know they just want sex or maybe you dated them previously and it didnt work but you are still friends. i dont know im full of mixed emotions i mean sometimes i just want to go out with someone because maybe im home too bored and #1 is busy working or with his kid, so i dont want to be bored home alone doing nothing, but i usually do anyways! I know men do it all the time but also men dont have the thoughts feelings and many other things that women have when it comes to dating love and etc..... should i just go with it? but then i have to break it to them thats its just a date(as friends) and nothing more! ugh!
ErgoStep Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 It's common for singles to have many flirty friends. This gives them the dating vibe that is so much fun. Usually they crank up the intensity with one person, which gives them more vibe. It sounds like you want monogamy, and also want to fill your calendar. The man isn't always going to be in sync with you. So I'd recommend coming up with other ideas. Think of things that you enjoy doing alone. Or perhaps go out and find some female friends that your man would fully approve of.
Author alexa137 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 well, i dont have a boyfriend and the guy im dating off and on for a few months is out of town with family and his son, and im pretty sure he is dating other women also a guy i dated last year asked me to go out for drinks tonight, ive been home bored all day with nothing to do! also another guy ive known like 20 years asked me out also, i turned him down because i can already tell t hat he just wants one thing. I would just go as friends(even though we had sex before) but i cant anyways tonight(woman thing) and dont want to because i like the #1 guy but i dont know. i guess men here are different! maybe im just tired of being home every weekend bored and nothing to do while everyone else is out having fun or getting married and i am nowhere close! (41 yrs old) its depressing!
ErgoStep Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Sounds like a good situation to me. At you age, it's more acceptable for the woman to bring up matters of relationship. If you're "going steady" with that one guy, maybe it's time you were officially together. The other route you might take is to keep both of them. And even if the second guy wants sex, doesn't mean you're going to give it to him. Just plan the evening so it ends with you two going separate ways. Or have sex with him. Three options. The first is best, in my opinion.
Author alexa137 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 I have no idea what i am to guy #1! but as you can see ihave a bad track record with men(all my life) the deal with guy #1 is that we dated may-july, i messed up he stop contacting me i was devastated because i thought he was the "one"- he is everything i wanted in a man, I told i was sorry, he ignored me for a few weeks so i gave up-i cried everyday, lost weight, hit depression, started therapy and did absolutely nothing for awhile, I had a few guys interested in me, talked to a few guys , even went on a date my no luck! they were nothing like guy #1-so i just focused on myself, but still thought about him all the time, he popped up up 6 of the dating sites as a "perfect" 99% match, so i asked his cousin if he was seeing anyone and nope. so i decided to email him about a month ago or so i told him briefly how i felt again and was sorry etc.. and asked if he would consider giving me another chance, he said he wasnt sure and would have to think about it. well about 2 weeks ago we started hooking up again-first time for my bday) and then last weekend he actually invited me for drinks out and then invited me to stay at his house! i was kinda shocked but excited, now the whole time( a month or so) i have not but initiated the texting or calling first9 i have left it all up to him) and acting like whatever. i didnt see him this weekend but still chatted at least 3 diff days this week, he is out of town with family and his son. believe me i want to ask if this just a hookup or he is actually giving me that second chance i asked for! but i dont want to mess up at all this time, im just gonna give it a few more weeks and if i dont see any signs or that he is pursuing me i will probably leave him alone. so i dont fall back in love with him, my feelings get hurts very easily. well i decided not to go out with any other guy tonight, just stayed home and played wii with my daughter and my friend and her kids, and going to bed soon!
cerridwen Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 is it just me or are there others who just cant do the dating more than one man at a time thing? especially if you really like the first guy but kidna waiting to figure out if its gonna be more than just dating or possibly a relationship or something. Its hard for me to spend time with other guys also knowing that they dont have as much potential as #1 or you know they just want sex or maybe you dated them previously and it didnt work but you are still friends. i dont know im full of mixed emotions i mean sometimes i just want to go out with someone because maybe im home too bored and #1 is busy working or with his kid, so i dont want to be bored home alone doing nothing, but i usually do anyways! I know men do it all the time but also men dont have the thoughts feelings and many other things that women have when it comes to dating love and etc..... should i just go with it? but then i have to break it to them thats its just a date(as friends) and nothing more! ugh! It's always felt dastardly to me. But, perhaps there's a right way to do it. To avoid complications, and prevent boredom, why not initiate time with girlfriends?
Author alexa137 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 I usually see my 1 friend a few times a month but she was busy with 3 kids, partys, soccer etc. and my other good girlfriend is busy working and going through a breakup and lives almost an hour away so i dont see her but maybe 1 every other month. im not a busy person whatsoever so i dont have anything that takes up any of my time so im available to do anything anytime just dont have anyone to do it with! crazy huh!
Pierre Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 is it just me or are there others who just cant do the dating more than one man at a time thing? especially if you really like the first guy but kidna waiting to figure out if its gonna be more than just dating or possibly a relationship or something. Its hard for me to spend time with other guys also knowing that they dont have as much potential as #1 or you know they just want sex or maybe you dated them previously and it didnt work but you are still friends. i dont know im full of mixed emotions i mean sometimes i just want to go out with someone because maybe im home too bored and #1 is busy working or with his kid, so i dont want to be bored home alone doing nothing, but i usually do anyways! I know men do it all the time but also men dont have the thoughts feelings and many other things that women have when it comes to dating love and etc..... should i just go with it? but then i have to break it to them thats its just a date(as friends) and nothing more! ugh! Whenever I date it is always one at a time. I don't believe in multidating because it confuses the sensations. When I date I am looking for a GF. I rather have sex with a GF. I don't want to think or deal with the thought that she may be sleeping with others. If a woman tells me she is multidating I don't go out with her.
Author alexa137 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 wow i wish more men would think like you! i cant seem to find one that wants to be in a serious committed relationship! i am the same way, if I really like a guy i guess in my mind i already consider him my man even though we are not exclusive yet, even though i am. i cant do the sleeping or dating around thing, i mean cmon im 41!
Author alexa137 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 its just so frustrating because i want to be with guy #1 but i also hate being home alone everyday especially on the weekends with nothing to do, i want to go to dinner, movies or bowling or something! I have another guy interested in me kinda that I dated before but we have no chemistry , part of me wants to go out with him just for something to do but then i just want to wait for #1 i asked guy #1 if he had plans tomm night after work( i was also just testing him to see if he was interested in seeing me again) and he said " possibly im waiting on a call, but im hitting the gym after work"- well so of course im thinking he has a date or something with another chick! i just want to know if hes giving me another chance or im just a booty call or someone to hang out with while he looking for someone else! i dont want to ask him because i know that kind of makes him mad! i know from previous experience with him before, everytime i asked him what was going on, or what am i to him, or asking to him to be more than friends he would get upset, he wanted to continue dating but i wanted to be in a relationship. confusing because all his dating profiles says he wants to be in a serious relationship im so stuck and dont know what to do! now also kinda upset and depressed and sad again
2sure Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Im dating now, and dating several very very casually. Im over 40, divorced for the last time...I guess it was more difficult to do when I still thought there might be an outcome with one or another. But Im not looking for one, so...dating more than one at a time seems like a natural thing to do. And ...maybe even the kindest? That way no one assumes...anything. I dont think they care either.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 its just so frustrating because i want to be with guy #1 but i also hate being home alone everyday especially on the weekends with nothing to do, i want to go to dinner, movies or bowling or something! I have another guy interested in me kinda that I dated before but we have no chemistry , part of me wants to go out with him just for something to do but then i just want to wait for #1 If you go out with guy #2 you have to be free and clear to give him a real chance... because you are signaling interest! It isn't fair to lead people on... even if you try to warn them in advance. If guy #1 isn't giving you the time. Quit him and find someone who values you.
phineas Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Date = sex to me. I date only one woman & she better only be dating me. Doesn't have to be serious, just respectful. But i'll go out with multiple woman if available just to have fun. if they want to become exclusive I tell them my terms. Sex = exclusive. Because answering to a woman that isn't even sleeping with me just isn't going to happen.
you_can_not_see_me Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 good question, do lots of girls(younger girls) date more than one guy at a time? there is actually this girl I was hitting on, but I found out that she was dating this guy, but to my surprise she was still very flirty with me as if she was single, I does make me wonder that, maybe she is one of those girls who dates more than one guy at a time. I personally don't know how to feel about such a thing. If there was the prospect that the girl would in a matter of a few weeks stop seeing the other guy and focus on me I would come around to it. BUT if she is really more into the other guy and just wants to have some fun with me, I would get away from her faster than she could say what happened. I do not like being second choice at all:mad:
phineas Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 there is a reason I don't take a woman seriously until sex is on the table & this is because in my experience a woman with options is exploring every one of them so why shouldn't I? Women know ultimately what it takes to keep a man interested. If she isn't doing it then she either isn't interested or is interested in someone else more & just trying to figure it. That's cool, but when they know i'm doing the same thing their either all in or all out. They never seem to want a guy who is seeing other women even though they are seeing other men. It's laughable really.
Author alexa137 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 oh my! well then my situation is a little crazy! guy #1(the one im really into alot) we dated may-aug, he was the best man ever and i messed up, i waited no contact for a month, moved on(kinda) talked and met other men but didnt click like i did with guy #1 so just stopped it all together and send him an email telling him i was sorry and wondering if he would give me another chance( i have many previous posts the past 6 mths regarding the whole situation) he said he would think about it. but within the last month we have been seeing each other( he gave me sex for my bday) and we went for drinks and i spent the night at his new house 2 weekends ago. of course im wondering whats going on and i am pretty sure he is dating around or whatever, because its just not the same and i am wondering if hes giving me that second chance or what. now guy #2, the one i have hung out with a few times the past few weeks and previosuly dated last year for a few months. ive known him 20 yrs and hes a nice guy, other than hes never been married and has no kids, hes a little selfish and conceited and a little strange. we didnt see each other much when we dated b/c of his work schedule and the sexual chemistry just wasnt there, preformance wise on his part. but we get along. let me also add that the sexual chemistry with guy #1 is the best ever! i thought he was the "one" for me and i could see myself being with him and the whole time we were apart i thought of him all the time everyday and it drove me crazy and made me stressed and depressed i could go on and on im so confused and lost
Pierre Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Im dating now, and dating several very very casually. Im over 40, divorced for the last time...I guess it was more difficult to do when I still thought there might be an outcome with one or another. But Im not looking for one, so...dating more than one at a time seems like a natural thing to do. And ...maybe even the kindest? That way no one assumes...anything. I dont think they care either. For mature women that the rules are different.
Pierre Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 good question, do lots of girls(younger girls) date more than one guy at a time? there is actually this girl I was hitting on, but I found out that she was dating this guy, but to my surprise she was still very flirty with me as if she was single, I does make me wonder that, maybe she is one of those girls who dates more than one guy at a time. I personally don't know how to feel about such a thing. If there was the prospect that the girl would in a matter of a few weeks stop seeing the other guy and focus on me I would come around to it. BUT if she is really more into the other guy and just wants to have some fun with me, I would get away from her faster than she could say what happened. I do not like being second choice at all:mad: Former multidaters often cheat when they enter a relationship. With multidating they are giving you a preview of things to come if you become GF/BF.
ThsAmericanLife Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Former multidaters often cheat when they enter a relationship. With multidating they are giving you a preview of things to come if you become GF/BF. I agree with you 100% on this... its as if, by agreeing to date someone who is multidating, you will be agreeing that lies of omission and lack of intimacy are A-OK. Doesn't seem like a good plan for anyone looking for a relationship. Most aren't though (looking for a relationship).. not really... those are the multidaters. Which is why we avoid them
menseeking Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 not all woman date more than one guy at a time. there are times when a woman is serious with that guy, she will stick to it and do everything she can to have him and vice versa.. if they are happy and compatible with each other, then it is the time for them to be more attracted with each other..
Author alexa137 Posted November 19, 2011 Author Posted November 19, 2011 ok update: I asked guy #1 thurs if he had any plans fri night after work(as a test to try to find out what is going on) his reply was : "possibly, waiting on a call but going to gym after work) ok so i didnt respond for awhile thinking( of course) he probably had a date with another girl-ugh! not sure though, so he asks whats up? so i said just wondering if you wanted to go bowling b/c its 99 cents on fridays after 9pm, so he asked a few questions about it and then ended the conversation. so last night he texts me asking what im doing , told him i was finishing up dinner and he asks i thought you were going bowling, well i didnt want to say well im not because youre the only one i asked and im was kinda upset b/c im thinking you have plans with another chick! ( what i was really thinking!) just responded not sure yet, so he asks me to come over to his house, which since i didnt have any plans i decided to go on over there! probably wrong i know! but im in love with this guy! and didnt want to be home alone bored! so i go over we have sex, he asked me to stay but he had to work early in the morning so i decided to leave( mainly b/c the more i spend time with him and doing that type of activity makes me fall for him more!) and most likely that wont be good! as we kissed goodbye I said: " so tell me, is this a fling? or what? his response:(raises head to the ceiling) ugh why you have to ask that? so i just turned and said cya later! so why is it with every man i have dated, etc.. I never know where I stand with them? i can get a man to be my boyfriend/or serious relationship! im more confused upset and depressed and cried all the way home and cried myself to sleep! Im gonna have to try to leave him alone! now all the wounds have opened up again! SMDH!
ThsAmericanLife Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 I never thought about it like this. I wish more people would consider this... Multidating is practice for cheating. That's how I see it anyway.
ThsAmericanLife Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 ok update: I asked guy #1 thurs if he had any plans fri night after work(as a test to try to find out what is going on) his reply was : "possibly, waiting on a call but going to gym after work) ok so i didnt respond for awhile thinking( of course) he probably had a date with another girl-ugh! not sure though, so he asks whats up? so i said just wondering if you wanted to go bowling b/c its 99 cents on fridays after 9pm, so he asked a few questions about it and then ended the conversation. so last night he texts me asking what im doing , told him i was finishing up dinner and he asks i thought you were going bowling, well i didnt want to say well im not because youre the only one i asked and im was kinda upset b/c im thinking you have plans with another chick! ( what i was really thinking!) just responded not sure yet, so he asks me to come over to his house, which since i didnt have any plans i decided to go on over there! probably wrong i know! but im in love with this guy! and didnt want to be home alone bored! so i go over we have sex, he asked me to stay but he had to work early in the morning so i decided to leave( mainly b/c the more i spend time with him and doing that type of activity makes me fall for him more!) and most likely that wont be good! as we kissed goodbye I said: " so tell me, is this a fling? or what? his response:(raises head to the ceiling) ugh why you have to ask that? so i just turned and said cya later! so why is it with every man i have dated, etc.. I never know where I stand with them? i can get a man to be my boyfriend/or serious relationship! im more confused upset and depressed and cried all the way home and cried myself to sleep! Im gonna have to try to leave him alone! now all the wounds have opened up again! SMDH! Simple solution. Don't have sex with men who might be seeing other women. Get some hobbies so that you can say no to activities that don't bring you closer to your goals.
Author alexa137 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 I guess I figured that having sex with him again would get him to like me again and possibly go back to dating again, or him giving me the second chance i asked for. after the way i left fri night i didnt think i would hear from him, but he texted me last night after he got off work, i was shocked! he asked me if I was still mad at him. I said no im not mad- I mean i am but i really dont have a right to be mad at him, mainly my fault for having sex with him but the part that is his fault is him wanting it also, which i never understand with men, i mean if i dont like a guy i wouldnt have sex with him, why cant men be easier to figure out??? we didnt say much after that, b/c i was trying to have a good time with my friend(girl) and to keep my mind off of the guy! so i wouldnt think about why he keeps texting me and inviting me over, especially since i have met him in May on dating sites he puts that he is looking for a serious relationship and so am I. I mean i strictly wont even give my # or respond to messages from men who just want a fling etc.... im so confused, thank god im going to my therapy session tomm morning! even though they dont give advice!
joystickd Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I have read alot of stuff on multi-dating for women (not men though, I don't think they should, its just a tad slimy and nice guys tend not to). For women I think its more a case of keeping their options open in a positive way. The advantages: its hard to tell if a man will come through or he's just playing around etc so if there is a bit of competition you won't waste your time. More importantly, it means you won't get hung up on one man who has issues or is not treating you right, as women often do, etc. However, I've come to think that once you've had sex, and you really are considering a relationship with someone, even with the best intentions its very difficult to multi-date, but that is my experience. How come women can and men can't both genders need to keep their options open.
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