Guys, question for you.... about length of time before moving in or marriage

[nature]

Guys, how long did it take you before you wanted to move in with your girlfriend and/or marry her? Honestly? I am just wondering how long a girl should stick it out with a guy before she realizes she's just been strung along.

 

My ex proposed to me after a 15 months together, but then we stayed engaged for nearly another 2 years after that and whenever we discussed moving in together or actually getting married he'd freak out and have anxiety attacks and tell me i was pressuring him. I'd say, I'm pressuring yiou? You asked me to marry you. You asked my dad for my hand in marriage. you got down on one knee and proposed. Now it's going on 2 years after the fact and we've been together almost 4 years and you still won't move in with me or actually marry me. I got fed up and felt strung along. He told me i wasn't patient enough. I told him I had been too patient and enough was enough.

 

What are you honest feelings about it? How long until you knew she was the one?

[wilsonx]

You got strung along by someone that was insecure.

 

Learn to listen to that little voice deep inside you. Not every guy is like this

[Buttercup84]

My ex proposed to me after two months and we moved in pretty much right away . He is 31 and I am 27 . I think that was too soon and maybe we would still be together if we hadnt rushed things .

 

But you did the right thing , he shouldn't get freaked out like that ! and at least you should be able to discuss things .

 

Next time I think I won't move in with a guy until we have been together at least over a year . And won't get engaged until we lived together and got over the honeymoon stage so we know our feelings are real . But then again , things always work out differently .

[nature]

Thank you both. Wilson, what do you mean he was insecure? He acted all mighty and condescending when he would tell me i was pressuring him. I never saw him as insecure. I saw him as needing to have everything his way.

[wilsonx]

I saw him as needing to have everything his way.

 

This is selfish and at the same time insecure, if its not his way, hes not happy with it. Everytime you tried to bring up your own wants and needs, you were pressuring him, thats insecurity because he wasnt willing to compromise. At the same time, you know next time if there something that you want and communication isnt working, time to go after what you want

[nature]

Thanks so much Wilson. I knew it was selfish, and all about him, which is why I finally said good bye. But I had never looked at it as being an insecure thing. You have enlightened me.

 

So back to my original question? How long do you think is appropriate, or what has been your experience for yourself?

[wilsonx]

Its about your wants and needs. Find somebody that has the same wants and needs as you. Theyre out there trust me, I have a friend that wanted to get married and her bf didnt he broke up with her. She went out and found a good guy that wanted the same thing she did. Theyre engaged now.

 

They got engaged really quick... 4-5 months but I know both of them and they are both good people

[nature]

Yes, I guess you really need that open, honest communication to ensure you are both on the same page and want the same things. Also looking at their actions and not just listening to their words. That is a nice story to hear.