wildtrac77 Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Well i started chatting to this women on a online dating site about 3 months ago, from the word go we go on like a incredible well and chatted online for hours prob about once a week for a month then i suggested we meet up in a couple of weekends and take my dog out for a walk, anyway she said yes and a date was arranged then we missed each other online the rest of the week so in the end swapped mob nums by email and she txt me on the fri, a few txts back and forth that night and sat morn and somehow we ended up agreeing to meet that night instead on a spur of the min thing, anyway i went over to her house (she only lives 5 mins away and as it happens drives past my house every day to go to work) straight away you could tell there was an amazing connection between us, we started chatting and 8 hours later i left (thou it was 8 hours it seemed more like 10 mins) had a kiss when i left but no more, left it for a couple of days as we had arranged to meet on the sat as orginally agreed then on the tues i got a txt saying she had a amazing time the other night but not sure there was any chemistry between us and what did i think??? anyway i txt back and said yea there is bucket loads between us( which there clearly was) didnt hear much back then that fri got a txt saying she still wanted to meet that sat so i txt back and said yea cool be great to see you, Meet up the next night and got on amazingly well ended up chatting for 6 hours then pretty much did everything but sleep together for a couple hours and when she was leaving she said i didnt expect that to happen tonight, anyway meet up a few times since,sometimes she suggested meeting and sometimes i did, got on really well and turns out we have loads in common/ like the same foods/wine, nearly all the same hobbies.intrests etc, looking for the same things in life etc, she ended up telling me things about her past very few people know about( said she found me very easy to talk to about those type of things) she also said she never cuddles up with a guy on the sofa, holds hands, lets a guy touch her face/hair etc and she couldnt believe that it felt so natural to let me do those things with her) ended up sleeping together on prob half the dates after the second one and the sex was great, told me very few guys had found her spot and couldnt understand how i found it so easily(clearly the chemistry/connection on all levels between us helped a lot) and after we sleep together she just cuddled up right beside me which turns out she never has done that with guys in the past and she normally turns away from them when they have fhinshed. went on a date with her a couple of weeks ago, got on great as usual, were making plans about going running together and what we could do on future dates etc, anyway next day got a txt saying she was unsure about us and wasnt ready for a reship and it was wrong timing and she really enjoys being with me and thought she was ready to start dating again but now realized she wasnt etc, few txts went back and forth but she wouldnt change her mind and she didnt think it was a good idea for us to meet up and have a chat, anyway i left it a few days and then i thought what the hell will just check my messages on the dating site, went on, and she was on there, didnt msn her and came off again after a few mins and then i get a txt from here saying she was getting a dog, nothing more nothing less!! anyway i replied the next day saying its mad this situation so lets have a chat and tell me whats worrying her, got a txt back saying nothing had changed, she was not ready for a relship and the timing was wrong but she had to be honest before it progressed any further, i txt back saying what now as we clearly like each other and get on incredible well and got no reply but went onliine the next two/three nights and she was on there but made no attempt to msn me or vive versa, then the next night i went on for a few mins and she wasnt on then went back on a bit later and she was there but as soon as i came on she logged off.. left it a few days and just said hope she is okay, cant see how something wont happen between us sooner or later as we have such a connection/chemistry which is very rare (speaking from lots of dating and dates and iv never experienced something on all levels with anyone before like this) but can see see has things to work thru from her last relship and if we had met in a normal way we would have hit it off as friends instantly so be good to stay in touch and guess we will catch up sometime, didnt hear anything back,my questions are 1 is what went wrong as we got on so well? and 2 what do i do now walk and never attempt to make any further contact( which normally i would but very rare, esp for me to meet someone i really like, have so much in common, loads of chemistry and get on so well with) or drop her a txt in a few weeks just asking how she is and saying the odd thing about what iv been upto?? She has told all her friends/family about me so def not trying to hide she was seeing someone. I should point out that she only came out a 6 year relship a few months ago ( which she claims she ended and was fhinshed at least 6 months before they broke up but im not so sure) and she is still in contact with her ex on a fortnightly basis ( but did talk to him once when i was seeing her as a joint friends mother had died..) also she still has a pic of him in her lounge with her and her brother in when she graduated last year and did talk about him a bit and also compare quite a lot about what we did/talked about doing (not sexually) with what she did with him.. Sorry didnt mean to babble on so long..
ErgoStep Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 she ended up telling me things about her past very few people know about( said she found me very easy to talk to about those type of things) she also said she never cuddles up with a guy on the sofa, holds hands, lets a guy touch her face/hair etc and she couldnt believe that it felt so natural to let me do those things with her) ended up sleeping together on prob half the dates after the second one and the sex was great That's a very good sign. She has told all her friends/family about me so def not trying to hide she was seeing someone. That is also a very good sign. She is being genuine about her interest in you. anyway next day got a txt saying she was unsure about us and wasnt ready for a reship and it was wrong timing and she really enjoys being with me and thought she was ready to start dating again but now realized she wasnt Oh wait. She dumped you dude. If you have self-respect, you will ignore her for at least three months. This lets her know that you are taking this really seriously. You don't want a pattern of being dumped. By her, or anyone else. Give her space. Further. Friendship never works in this situation. It's a relationship or nothing. Simply due to the emotional and sexual attachment.
Emilia Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 She is on the dating site so she is either chatting to other guys or just wants attention to build up her ego again. A lot of people create profiles straight after break ups wasting everyone's time. I really don't think anything will come of this sorry
Author wildtrac77 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 She is on the dating site so she is either chatting to other guys or just wants attention to build up her ego again. A lot of people create profiles straight after break ups wasting everyone's time. I really don't think anything will come of this sorry I think i need to walk from it, like i say we do get on incredible well with great chemistry/connection which isnt the easiest thing to find with someone these days ( hence comments made on the other thread) should have added she has removed her profile from the dating site about a week ago.
Author wildtrac77 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 That's a very good sign. That is also a very good sign. She is being genuine about her interest in you. Oh wait. She dumped you dude. If you have self-respect, you will ignore her for at least three months. This lets her know that you are taking this really seriously. You don't want a pattern of being dumped. By her, or anyone else. Give her space. Further. Friendship never works in this situation. It's a relationship or nothing. Simply due to the emotional and sexual attachment. Yea i def dont want to be in a stituation where i dont know where i stand from one day to the next, you cant live like that long term as it will screw your head up, yea i agree in this type of situation its either a reship or nothing,once you cross the line and sleep with someone you can never be friends again as your attachment to each other has changed hence why iv never stayed in touch with any of my exs for that reason.( or ever got it on with any friends ) What makes you say 3 months??
Emilia Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I think i need to walk from it, like i say we do get on incredible well with great chemistry/connection which isnt the easiest thing to find with someone these days ( hence comments made on the other thread) should have added she has removed her profile from the dating site about a week ago. I think you do. I've just re-read some of it missed the intimacy part earlier (it's a little hard to read your text). I think it was too much for her too soon. Maybe she has intimacy issues in which case it will be always push and pull. I'm going through something not dissimilar with someone I dated a while ago
Author wildtrac77 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 I think you do. I've just re-read some of it missed the intimacy part earlier (it's a little hard to read your text). I think it was too much for her too soon. Maybe she has intimacy issues in which case it will be always push and pull. I'm going through something not dissimilar with someone I dated a while ago Yea sorry it is very hard to read, didnt mean for it to be so long,(needs a bit of editing i think!!) Yea that is what i am thinking,def a case of wrong timing on her part ( not her fault just the way it was) i think she does have some kind of deep rooted intimacy issues from her past going on as well,think it would def be one of those reships where it is great one min then hell the next, alarm bells did ring when she said she has been cheated on in three of the four serious relships she has had!! on the physical side it always seemed to be me doing most of the work with very little in return. So Generally what is the story with your guy and how long ago were you dating?
Emilia Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Yea sorry it is very hard to read, didnt mean for it to be so long,(needs a bit of editing i think!!) Yea that is what i am thinking,def a case of wrong timing on her part ( not her fault just the way it was) i think she does have some kind of deep rooted intimacy issues from her past going on as well,think it would def be one of those reships where it is great one min then hell the next, alarm bells did ring when she said she has been cheated on in three of the four serious relships she has had!! on the physical side it always seemed to be me doing most of the work with very little in return. So Generally what is the story with your guy and how long ago were you dating? My story is very different, we were always on-off because he is in the armed forces and I struggled with anxiety for his safety while he struggled with being separated from me. I accept that it won't work and I'm trying to establish some light contact and some kind of friendship that's not too chummy. I'd rather know what's happening in his life than not. Not sure whether he is able to do that though. He is trying but I think he would prefer no contact
Author wildtrac77 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 My story is very different, we were always on-off because he is in the armed forces and I struggled with anxiety for his safety while he struggled with being separated from me. I accept that it won't work and I'm trying to establish some light contact and some kind of friendship that's not too chummy. I'd rather know what's happening in his life than not. Not sure whether he is able to do that though. He is trying but I think he would prefer no contact How long and how far back were you dating him?? who ended it? sorry just trying to get a bit of background to see what is going on. I think the person above that replied to my thread it the nail on the head: once you have dated someone there is no way you can just be friends after you break up ( yea i know someone people manage it but i cant see how you can move on with your life when you are still in contact with a ex, you need time apart to sort out your head/feelings). Guess with my situation im hoping that if i stay/get in contact down the line something might happen between us ( but no good untill she has got over the ex and has moved on from him, think after we had sex she felt guilty about sleeping with me ( you could tell her mind was in deep thought about something as we cuddled up quite a few times) as i think she had it in her head it was cheating on him somehow!!
Emilia Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I'm friends with most of my exes, I think it's a matter of maturity and perspective. I'm not seeking advice on my situation, I'm going to let him decide which way it goes because he is more emotional than I am. I think it is possible to be friends (not best chums as I said) with exes after a while, I think it's usually egos that get in the way, not emotions
Author wildtrac77 Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 I'm friends with most of my exes, I think it's a matter of maturity and perspective. I'm not seeking advice on my situation, I'm going to let him decide which way it goes because he is more emotional than I am. I think it is possible to be friends (not best chums as I said) with exes after a while, I think it's usually egos that get in the way, not emotions That is a very mature way you are looking at the situation with your ex, When you say be friends after a while, do you mean a few weeks or months?? what i never understand is people that try to be friends with someone they have been dating long term as soon as they break up, if it is possible to stay friends then surely the only way you can do that is by having no contact for a few months then start txting etc occasional then??
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