Smooth legs, smooth bikini area, fake tan, hair, make-up....EXHAUSTING!!

[emily_m]

This is really trivial and probably going to sound a bit ridiculous....but it's a huuuuge deal to me and is causing me real problems

 

I can't stand to let a guy/boyfriend near me unless my legs and bikini area are completely smooth and hair free and I'm wearing make up. And unless I've done my fake tan and my hair looks decent, I don't feel nice about myself at all, which then affects my self confidence and in turn, makes me feel much less sexy and more withdrawn.

 

I'm slim and have a good body, but I feel absolutely vile without all of the above. I have tried and tried to accept myself au naturel, but I just can't do it. However, the upkeep is absolutely EXHAUSTING!!! At the very least, I HAVE to be hair free, which is so time consuming each day. (I epilate my legs rather than shave, but it's still a complete chore). Laser hair removal/reduction would help me so much, but it wouldn't be very effective because my hair is blonde.

 

I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice, or if anyone feels similar to me? Guys, what do you think? How much of a turn off are stubbly/hairy legs and/or bikini area??

 

This is so much more about how I feel about myself, rather than what the guy thinks... But it still makes me cringe at the thought of my bf running his hands up my stubbly legs

 

HELP !

 

p.s. I'm in my late 20s, so by no means am I a 16 year old girl who hasn't 'discovered' herself yet!

Edited November 12, 2011 by emily_m

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

This is so much more about how I feel about myself, rather than what the guy thinks...

 

 

 

Well, at least you got THAT part correct !!

[purplehouse]

I feel exactly the same. I am 27 and have a boyfriend also. I get jealous of him because he doesn't have to do anything really except shave

[findingnemo]

When I read your OP, I was amused. I'm 37 now but clearly remember reaching a point in my late 20s when I pondered the same things as you. Why the hell does going to meet my boyfriend require so much prep time? How much grooming is too much? How much grooming is sustainable?

 

I don't know when it happened but I realized that the grooming was really about what I liked rather than what some dude wanted. Some guys like girls completely shaved, some don't. I had only had the first category of boyfriends but ended up marrying one that didn't like fully shaved privates. At first I thought, great! A couple of months in I realized that I was totally uncomfortable and put my foot down about what I wanted. My choice prevailed. I have dated a guy who claims that he hates make up and would prefer a natural. I don't wear foundation but I love powder and mascara and lipgloss. I wear the least make up possible already. So I asked him, "why were you attracted to me if you don't like make up?" No answer.

 

My advice is to do things that are comfortable for you. Also find a way to schedule them so that it doesn't feel like it's taking up a lot of your time. Only do what you enjoy doing. Shaving is not a daily thing, is it? There is such a thing as overdoing things. I don't know about tanning, I'm black. Make up? The better my skin is the less make up I need. So I take care of my skin primarily. Make up should enhance your look, not change it dramatically. When you wake up next to your SO, he shouldn't wonder who it is he went to bed with. Subtle and simple = less stress.

Edited November 13, 2011 by findingnemo

[emily_m]

My advice is to do things that are comfortable for you.

 

That's kind of my problem, I do all of this for ME, because otherwise, I don't feel comfortable. I absolutely love having smooth legs and most of my bikini area to be the same. I'm not really that interested what guys think, but at the same time, I would hate to be intimate with someone if I wasn't groomed. Again, that's because of how I would feel, not what they think - as I'm sure they wouldn't care anywhere near as much as me.

 

Shaving is not a daily thing, is it?

 

God if I shaved my legs then yes, I'd have to do it every day to keep them feeling smooth. That's why I epilate.

 

I'm totally into the natural look...subtle make-up and a very subtle non-orange tan. To look at me, you probably wouldn't realise the effort that goes in. Haha. Although I look well groomed, I certainly don't go over the top.

 

Guys say they 'prefer the no make-up look' because they think the naturally made-up look = no make-up! If only....

[emily_m]

Well, at least you got THAT part correct !!

 

So you seriously wouldn't care if you got a girl naked to find that she was hairier than you or had serious stubble that was rough-as to touch?? Or would you just be grateful to have the girl naked in the first place? Hehe

[jerbear]

Sounds like you have high standards for yourself, gotten into a routine, or OCD.

 

Honestly, try having a low maintenance day where you just take a show/bath; no shaving, no pulling hairs out, no makeup.

 

You have to be happy with yourself, some guys don't care to much but everyone has their preferences.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

So you seriously wouldn't care if you got a girl naked to find that she was hairier than you or had serious stubble that was rough-as to touch?? Or would you just be grateful to have the girl naked in the first place? Hehe

 

 

 

Probably the latter, BUT, in all seriousness, it is the:

 

"trivial

ridiculous

fake tan

vile

lack of self-acceptance"

 

 

parts which are most noteworthy.

 

 

If you can't allow yourself to be the 'human partner' that your guy signed-on for, then why bother even having partners?

 

If you were a bit more fair to yourself, it would become easier for men to be more fair to you.