Viking Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 So, I asked this cute girl out at the dry cleaners I go to. She works there. I asked her for her number and if I could call her after she got off work Friday. She gave me her number and said "yeah" to calling her. So, I texted her Friday afternoon to find out if she was over 21, as I wanted to take her to dinner and then play pool at a bar. She wasn't over 21...so I said I had a backup plan. She asked me what I had in mind and that she may have made loose plans with some friends. I said "I can pick you up or meet you for dinner, and then bowling." She then said "I'm flattered, but I didn't realize this was a date. I'm afraid I'm not really interested in dating right now." I said, "Better to find this out first thing I guess." and she said "I'm sorry if I sent the wrong message." SO, what the heck? I asked this girl for her number, set a time when I would call her, on an evening that is usually for "going out" and doing stuff. WHAT DID SHE THINK THIS WAS?:rolleyes:
ShannonMI Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 So, I asked this cute girl out at the dry cleaners I go to. She works there. I asked her for her number and if I could call her after she got off work Friday. She gave me her number and said "yeah" to calling her. So, I texted her Friday afternoon to find out if she was over 21, as I wanted to take her to dinner and then play pool at a bar. She wasn't over 21...so I said I had a backup plan. She asked me what I had in mind and that she may have made loose plans with some friends. I said "I can pick you up or meet you for dinner, and then bowling." She then said "I'm flattered, but I didn't realize this was a date. I'm afraid I'm not really interested in dating right now." I said, "Better to find this out first thing I guess." and she said "I'm sorry if I sent the wrong message." SO, what the heck? I asked this girl for her number, set a time when I would call her, on an evening that is usually for "going out" and doing stuff. WHAT DID SHE THINK THIS WAS?:rolleyes: Hahahahaha men are f*cking dense too honey. Sometimes more so then women but I digress....Who knows what's up with this chick. Maybe she just chickened out. Or maybe there is someone else she likes better? I dunno.
Author Viking Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 Hahahahaha men are f*cking dense too honey. Sometimes more so then women but I digress....Who knows what's up with this chick. Maybe she just chickened out. Or maybe there is someone else she likes better? I dunno. Yeah, I know men can be dumb. But this was an obvious thing...or at least I thought. Not, "oh hey, you're hot! Let me get your number so I can just be friends and we can go crocheting or something and talk about little dogs."
ShannonMI Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Yeah, I know men can be dumb. But this was an obvious thing...or at least I thought. Not, "oh hey, you're hot! Let me get your number so I can just be friends and we can go crocheting or something and talk about little dogs." Well theres nothing wrong with talking about little dogs. She probably just got nervous. Maybe she just got out of a long relationship and she jumped the gun about dating. There could be a million different reasons. Don't take it personal.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 It sounds like she wasn't too interested from the beginning and she didn't really know what to do so she said she was interested when she really wasn't. And then she might have had some time to think about between the time you gave her your number and you guys talked, which lead her to be a little more forth coming about how she really felt.
Eddie Edirol Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Maybe you didnt read her body language right when you were talking to her to realize she didnt like you. But she probably used the date excuse on friday because she didnt want to deal with possible retaliation from you by telling you no for her number. Lotta of women do that now. they give you their number, and then when you call them, they think up some excuse on why they cant answer, or go on a date. So to avoid this, you have to really know if you are turning them on to be interested enough in you to bother asking them for a number. Just be alot more keen on how they react to you before asking for the number. BTW, you never know what their situation might be, she might still be heartbroken from an ex, and maybe she really wasnt ready to date, but she wanted to see if you could make her forget about her ex. Didnt work though....
Author Viking Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 Every time I've gone in to get my shirts pressed or pick them up she is there. She's also really talkative and was asking me about my antique truck that I am working on, as I brought it up because I had been working on it earlier the day I asked her for her number. It is weird because she's pretty talkative and open to just chatting, so I don't know what the deal is. I'm not too worried about it, just wondering. I may be taking a long trip anyway. I want to travel through Europe for a bit.
soserious1 Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Sounds like you caught her off guard at her job, she gave you her number & later had second thoughts about dating a customer. Look at it this way, at least when you called her, she was straight about not wanting to date you, she wasted very little of your time & none of your money.
Stung Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Not, "oh hey, you're hot! Let me get your number so I can just be friends and we can go crocheting or something and talk about little dogs." So, if that's all the girls you know do for fun and stimulation, you really need to branch out more--widen your horizons. I realize you're making a joke and hopefully not being serious there but it does kind of come off like you don't think very highly of women's intellectual or conversational capacities, just FYI. As for the girl in question, sorry. Sometimes the dating game sucks and wires get crossed, signals are mixed. Possibly she's dense, possibly she got the attention of someone she likes better...it is possible she's just inexperienced with guys, you said yourself she's not even 21 yet. It does seem odd that she wouldn't recognize the cold approach and weekend plans, but it's also true that many women do approach both males and females as potential friends first, and only over the years do we get worn down into accepting that very few men actually want to be friends with us--which is actually a revelation that can hurt and make us feel less valued as just people. Since you said that you have been chatting with her for a long time, I can sort of see why she might have gotten her signals crossed. It's unfortunate that there was apparently some fundamental miscommunication that left you feeling rejected, that stings. At least, as a previous poster said, she was up front once she realized.
ErgoStep Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 So, I asked this cute girl out at the dry cleaners I go to. She works there. I asked her for her number and if I could call her after she got off work Friday. She gave me her number and said "yeah" to calling her. Approaching a woman romantically at work makes for awkwardness. If she does not know how to handle it. Her "yes then no" approach shifted the rejection to a less personal space. I'd call it a good response on her part.
PlumPrincess Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 this dating game sucks because females charge there f**king mind every two seconds First there was a "b" missing in your name, now it's an "n." Your spelling skills are really awesome...
PlumPrincess Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 When I was younger and more clueless, when a guy asked me out, I sort of pretended I didn't understand it was meant as a date and just hoped that my wishful thinking would resolve the problem with magic. I kid you not!
somedude81 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 only over the years do we get worn down into accepting that very few men actually want to be friends with us How is that news? Don't mother's tell their daughters that 99% of the time any boy 17 or over approaches her it's because he wants sex? Or how come girls don't tell their friends the same thing? It should be common sense.
jobaba Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 ...but it's also true that many women do approach both males and females as potential friends first, and only over the years do we get worn down into accepting that very few men actually want to be friends with us--which is actually a revelation that can hurt and make us feel less valued as just people. Well. I can honestly say that I have a bunch of female friends who are just friends and I've never thought of as more than friends. And the common denominator is ... I just don't think those females are that cool. The ones that I have gotten to know very well and think are sweet and cool to be with, well I develop an attraction to them based on those qualities, and then they reject me because of a lack of physical attraction. That makes me feel less valued as a person. So I guess we're even.
somedude81 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 and then they reject me because of a lack of physical attraction. That makes me feel less valued as a person. So I guess we're even. Ain't that the truth. "I don't like you that way." To me basically means, "I don't see you as a man, but you're more than welcome to be my girlfriend."
Author Viking Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 Ain't that the truth. "I don't like you that way." To me basically means, "I don't see you as a man, but you're more than welcome to be my girlfriend." Hence, the little dogs and crocheting. Yes, the little dogs and crocheting was a snide remark, and I have had some very good conversations with women on topics of politics, history, religion, sports etc. I just don't approach girls with the intention of just becoming friends if I find them attractive and potential dating material. This girl was probably put off by my direct approach. A friend of mine told me that you have to get to know them as friends first instead of trying to cold approach them. Makes sense...wish I had just made plans to go bowling or something else. Not a "date" date. Just an outing at first. What would you recommend I do? I'd still like to get to know her so that IF it possibly can go somewhere, I have the opportunity. Maybe the next time I'm in invite her and some friends to go bowling and a few of my friends? I'll probably be getting a few shirts pressed this week.
ErgoStep Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 She sounds cheerful. Don't expect her to be more than part of the scenery.
dreamingoftigers Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 How is that news? Don't mother's tell their daughters that 99% of the time any boy 17 or over approaches her it's because he wants sex? Or how come girls don't tell their friends the same thing? It should be common sense. Nope, my mother wasn't very apt at these things either. I guess I unintentionally "friendzoned" a lot of guys. I thought we were friends to begin with. Wish they would have piped up a little more.
Author Viking Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 What are my options as far as getting to know this girl? I think she's nice to talk to, the couple times I've talked to her. I at least established what I thought of her to begin with (by asking her out), but that may make her hesitant to even talk/hang out if I do want to pursue getting to know her better.
dispatch3d Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Call her next time. Also don't ask how old she is until after the date has started. Girls do not get rejected, and if she thinks there's any inkling of a chance she might get rejected she will probably bail beforehand.
Author Viking Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 Call her next time. Also don't ask how old she is until after the date has started. Girls do not get rejected, and if she thinks there's any inkling of a chance she might get rejected she will probably bail beforehand. Thing is I said that if she wanted to still grab some dinner, I'd be down to do so. The reason I asked her age was due to not wanting to get to the bar only to have her say, "Oh, I'm not 21..." and me not have a second idea.
thatone Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 (edited) Hence, the little dogs and crocheting. Yes, the little dogs and crocheting was a snide remark, and I have had some very good conversations with women on topics of politics, history, religion, sports etc. I just don't approach girls with the intention of just becoming friends if I find them attractive and potential dating material. This girl was probably put off by my direct approach. A friend of mine told me that you have to get to know them as friends first instead of trying to cold approach them. Makes sense...wish I had just made plans to go bowling or something else. Not a "date" date. Just an outing at first. What would you recommend I do? I'd still like to get to know her so that IF it possibly can go somewhere, I have the opportunity. Maybe the next time I'm in invite her and some friends to go bowling and a few of my friends? I'll probably be getting a few shirts pressed this week. your friend is full of sh*t. the fact is lots of women have lots of different ideas about being approached in public and little or none of their rationalizations for their opinions make any sense. don't change what you're doing, just go find another one. what you do with this one? nothing. you don't call, you don't text, you don't talk. if she calls you, you're busy. you turn the game around on her because you offered, she refused, so now she has something to prove to you, rather than you having something to prove to her. Edited November 14, 2011 by thatone
grkBoy Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I think she chickened out. I don't believe women are that naive to think men who approach and get a number are looking only to be "just friends".
Author Viking Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 I think she chickened out. I don't believe women are that naive to think men who approach and get a number are looking only to be "just friends". What is there to chicken out at? I offered FREE DINNER and BOWLING (my offer, my treat). If there was anything worthwhile, after that maybe I could see her being nervous. I'm a relatively low pressure guy, and I was direct with what I wanted-to go out and have fun. Not looking to go any further than that right now...just a fun evening. As far as approaching her in public, I guess because I'm direct in what I want (to go out), maybe that scared her??? As for what my friend said, I believe it is partially true though, this is the age of Facebook, people aren't used to interacting with people in a manner like that. Passive is how people act now.
thatone Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 don't over analyze it. you didn't do anything wrong. look at it this way...you could've wasted money on 4-5 dates to find out what she told you about herself in two sentences.
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