edwar Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 (edited) Okay so here`s my story: My ex-gf which I broke off with a little over a year ago, recently contacted me. I want to say that breaking up with her was the biggest mistake of my life and there hasn’t been a day since that I havent regreted. She is the only person in my life that I have trully loved and still do. She was everything to me… Since I broke up with her we haven’t talked until now. One month ago she asks a friend for my number and it takes her a whole week to text me saying she wants to be friends and that she doesn’t like how things currently are between us, not talking and all that. To be honest I felt the same way and that is what I texted her back saying it will be nice to be friends and talk etc. Then after a few days she texts me again about a friend, nothing important, I replied back regarding our “common” friend… In the weekend she didn`t text me, this time she decided to call me, twice, but I didn’t pick up. To be honest I didn’t know what to say and I was surprised she was calling me. I texted her after a few hours asking if everything is ok, I got no answer. Then after a week, during which time the “her calling me” was eating at me day and night, I decided to call her. We talked like half an hour, both of us sounded happy. During which she asked why I don’t ask her out for a coffee or something, I asked her if she would like to have some coffee and she agreed. On Monday we met for some coffee/lunch, it was a pleasant “get together”, during which she kept telling me about this guy she met, I didn’t know what to think of him, if she wanted to make me jealous or if she just wanted to see my reaction or if she really liked him. She asked me if I have someone in my life or maybe if there`s someone I like, told her there isnt someone I`m interested in right now. When we left that place, I just couldn’t stand it anymore and I told her that I still miss her, and that I keep thinking about her and that the time I spent with her when we were together was the best part of my life. I knew she felt the same way, but she told me that she can’t be sure that if we get back together I will not break up with her like I did before and repeat history etc. She said if I wanna get back with her I have to try harder and surprise her. I felt very awkward and come awkward silent moments followed… That night I couldn’t sleep, and I don’t know why I decided to surprise her by sending her a big bouquet of red roses. I knew what class she had. I didn’t go to that class obviously. Everyone one told me she was very surprised and didn’t know who sent it, because I didn’t sign the card. Later she texted me saying she liked the flowers. The next day I asked her if she wants to go to a movie/coffee or something. She said she was busy but she can meet me the next day at 3, when she will be free. I said ok. Later that day she texted me asking how I was doing, we talked a little. After another few hours texted me again with “good night”, I replied. Then after a couple of hours texted me again saying she cant sleep, gave her some advice how to fall asleep faster, after a few more texts she texted me a message only with a kiss. I was really surprised by that, didn’t know what to do and I sent her one back too. Next day when we met at the university, we had a common course, I texted her if she still finishes at 3. She replied saying she wasn’t feeling that good, the weather was bad and that she wants to go home. Yea right, bull****. I let her know that I wasn’t too happy but I said ok get well soon. In the evening she texted me again with the usual how are you/good night etc. I tried calling her, she didn’t pick up, replied later saying she was taking a shower… Next day I get another text in the morning, something along the lines “ <3 life is what you make it so make it great”. I was busy all day and I texted her back in the evening asking about that msg, nothing important about it apparently. Told her i`m going out with some friends, wished her good night, she replied the same, afterwards another simple message only with a kiss. Next morning I get another message with “good morning”… Bottom line: my ex-gf which I still love after 1 year since we broke up has recently contacted me, is sending me some signals, she knows what I want, but she still says she doesn’t know what she wants. I made it clear to her that I want us to get back together, she keeps contacting me and when I get back to her (she told a friend im being too pushy). I don’t get it how im being too pushy since she is the one who contacted me after 1 year and all I do is talk back with her after she calls/texts. I really don’t know what to do in order to show her that im serious and I mean it. I might have rambled a “little”, I hope you`ll bear with me, read my wall of text and hopefully give me some advice. Edited November 12, 2011 by edwar
silly_panda Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 I could relate to your story... Yea... You are being pushy... For us guys, we do not think that we are... Because all we were doing was just showing how much we love and care about them... But I think, for girls, when a guy does this, it mean a different thing... They might think that we are coming on too strong or trying too hard... And on top of that, she is still not sure if going back to you is the rite thing and she is scared that history will repeat itself... Yes, I know you are serious... But she just don't see it... I think the best thing you can do now is not to push her for anything... Give her some time... Still hang out and keep in contact... But just be casual... She knows you love her and care for her... So you don't have to keep reminding her that... Just be there for her and have fun together... She will accept you when she think she could... Good luck man...
Author edwar Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 I could relate to your story... Yea... You are being pushy... For us guys, we do not think that we are... Because all we were doing was just showing how much we love and care about them... But I think, for girls, when a guy does this, it mean a different thing... They might think that we are coming on too strong or trying too hard... And on top of that, she is still not sure if going back to you is the rite thing and she is scared that history will repeat itself... Yes, I know you are serious... But she just don't see it... I think the best thing you can do now is not to push her for anything... Give her some time... Still hang out and keep in contact... But just be casual... She knows you love her and care for her... So you don't have to keep reminding her that... Just be there for her and have fun together... She will accept you when she think she could... Good luck man... That's what i'm trying to do, to give her some space. But it's just so damn hard especially when she keeps texting with random stuff, like what she is doing and this and that. I always try to keep it short and not seem desperate or anything... How i could seem pushy and all that when all i do is reply to the stuff she does/say is beyond me... Im just wondering if maybe there was something i could have done different.
EgoJoe Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Go MIA for a week. Tell us what she sends you in the mean time and then we'll get together with a plan of action. Involving dates and stopping the spurious text based contact.
timchambo Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Being a man on the other side of the situation I can maybe give some insight. My ex recently did something simliar, showed back up in my life. I put and end to it so I my advice is a bit limited. Just be very consistent with her if you are truly serious about keeping her. Make plans with her, but maybe a few days to a week in advance. I would personally feel like this takes more effort and that you are serious about her and not just satisfying your immediate emotional needs. Reach out to her, but dont be too sappy or over bearing. I think her biggest fear would probably be just that you are lonely and might only be using her for temporary companionship. If she is serious about giving you another chance you should really take it slow. Don't rush to re-establish that old routine. Prove to her that you intend on being there for the long haul.
lizlemon Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 This girl is totally in it for the attention, the reason she waited this long to contact you and then give you mixed signals is because it seems she is a bit bored, isn't in a relationship, wants to be admired/chased after/the attention, wants someone to say "good morning/good night" to her.. etc trust me, I've been that girl before. She is bored or lonely, and craving attention. If you're really serious, keep showing her how much she means to you. If she keeps up the same behavior and doesn't the slightest hint of wanting to commit, you need to be careful and read what I wrote above. Good luck
intheEvent Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 This girl is totally in it for the attention, the reason she waited this long to contact you and then give you mixed signals is because it seems she is a bit bored, isn't in a relationship, wants to be admired/chased after/the attention, wants someone to say "good morning/good night" to her.. etc trust me, I've been that girl before. She is bored or lonely, and craving attention. If you're really serious, keep showing her how much she means to you. If she keeps up the same behavior and doesn't the slightest hint of wanting to commit, you need to be careful and read what I wrote above. Good luck Yep. you should probably listen to Liz. This happened to me about a month and a half ago. Ex reestablished contact and brought up so much stuff from the past ... all our good memories. She was the one who left. So we spoke for about 2 weeks everyday (at night sometimes for hours) until i just cracked and asked her what her intentions were. She said she didn't mean to stir up the past, and that maybe it would be best if she didn't talk to me right now. It was all so quick and pointless. Do not be fooled.
Author edwar Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 Everything you guys are saying is exactly what my friends are telling me i should do also. Half tell me to just let it be and what happens happens, but i know if i do that she will think i lost interest/i don't care anymore. The other half tells me if i really want it that i shouldn't give up and continue pursuing it. I really don't know what to do, i don't wanna give up but at the same time i don't wanna look desperate/needy w/e... What i can trully say is that i`m starting to loose my patience and possibly my sanity, this is eating at me day and night. This morning i got another text from her in which she asked me if i wanna make some plans for next week, we should shedule ahead, just so she can make sure she doesnt schedule "something" with someone else and i dont get mad..what?? I dont know what to think of this, gee thanks for thinking of me and trying to fit me in to your busy schedule. I replied saying, i really dont know, i got a full week also and i asked her what day would be good for her. She said she doesnt know, her week is kinda full and that we`ll talk and see when both of us have a break or smth, i said ok and left it at that. Do you think i should have maybe answered differently?
immitable Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 the fact that she contacted you even though she is the one dumped by you is brave on her part. You were pushing her a little to hard. Sending her red roses speaks for that. You should treat these contacts as beginning of a new relationship and getting to know her this time properly, i think it is worth a shot.
Author edwar Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 the fact that she contacted you even though she is the one dumped by you is brave on her part. You were pushing her a little to hard. Sending her red roses speaks for that. You should treat these contacts as beginning of a new relationship and getting to know her this time properly, i think it is worth a shot. You might be right, but when she contacted me she said that she wants to be friends. I`ve made it perfectly clear that i do not want that. After talking with a friend, i can`t help but thinking, if what i replied earlier, when she asked when i can go out next week, was wrong. Could it be that she was maybe "asking" me out and i totally blew it. And this whole getting to know her again, don't get me wrong (I guess you might be right since you`re not the only person so far that has mentioned it), seems impossible/very hard for me. After what i`ve had with her and how i`ve known her i dont know...
silly_panda Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Getting to know her all over again I think means to go slow... The two of you has not be in contact for a year rite..? So that's what you gotta do... Take it slow, see if she is still the girl that you love... Has she devolop any new habit/personality that you could not accept... I think it's better to make it clear at this stage rather than later... She may say that she wanna be just friends... But based on what she says and her body language, you could really tell if she is still interested in you... Just pay real attention on what she tells you... But you losing your patience is a dangerous thing... You may really end up pushing her or saying things that will hurt her... Be patience and take it slow man... Getting an ex back is a lot harder and need more effort and patience compared to trying to get into a relationship with a new girl...
Author edwar Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 Getting to know her all over again I think means to go slow... The two of you has not be in contact for a year rite..? So that's what you gotta do... Take it slow, see if she is still the girl that you love... Has she devolop any new habit/personality that you could not accept... I think it's better to make it clear at this stage rather than later... She may say that she wanna be just friends... But based on what she says and her body language, you could really tell if she is still interested in you... Just pay real attention on what she tells you... But you losing your patience is a dangerous thing... You may really end up pushing her or saying things that will hurt her... Be patience and take it slow man... Getting an ex back is a lot harder and need more effort and patience compared to trying to get into a relationship with a new girl... Thats what i`m doing, trying to take it slow. Thats why when she asked today when i am free next week i told her im not sure and we`ll have to see. I dont know, it seems to me that if i had given her a straight answer and not seem busy she would think that i really dont have anything to do except meeting her and when she suggests something that i will drop/reschedule/move everything for her. Do you think i should have gave her a "straight" answer?! Or just say, yeah sure we can meet in "that" day.
Author edwar Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 It doesnt matter anymore, one of my best friends called me and I made her tell me that she talked with my ex. At first she denied it but admitted to it in the end. Apparently she told her something along the lines that its pointless and I shouldnt get my hopes up... So yea... Thanks for all your helpful replies but i guess sometimes its just too late.
silly_panda Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Sorry to hear that man... We will just see what's her next move...
Eddie Edirol Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Ah so she wanted to get your hopes up just to drop you in a revenge plot. Hook you in to feel the hurt like she did. Well know you know what kind of person she really is.
Author edwar Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 Sorry to hear that man... We will just see what's her next move... Apparently, this supposed "good friend" of mine, failed to mention some things, I still dont know what to make of it. At one point she said smth along the lines that my ex was trying to "teach me a lesson". Then she kinda slipped about the fact that her asking me out earlier was a "sign" from her and me sort of saying im busy maybe send the wrong message. Then she also said that she told her if i quit now she will be ok with it, i was like ok, continue, expected her to follow up, then she changed the subject. Ah so she wanted to get your hopes up just to drop you in a revenge plot. Hook you in to feel the hurt like she did. Well know you know what kind of person she really is. Apparently, from what this "friend" of mine keeps telling me. I cant know for sure but yeah... At one point I`ll have to talk with her and I`ll get to the bottom of it...
Eddie Edirol Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 If she was trying to get you to "work hard" for her attention and affection, to make you fall for her before you even started dating for real again, Id say thats your proof. Because I doubt she'll fess up to it if you confront her, but Id love to hear what she says when you tell her that her friend spilled the beans.
Author edwar Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 Okay its really over this time. I've talked with her, she said that she wants only to be friends. Tried to make it look like she didn`t know anything from what i`ve told my so called friend. I told her as long she didn`t hear it from me I don`t care who told her what. I really didnt expect this from my "friend" but I didnt let it show, i played it cool. It was kinda ****ty but oh well... So yeah, it didn`t have the desired effect but at least now i know for sure and I can finally close this chapter in my life.
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