highviolet Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 We have been unhappy for a long time. We have threatened divorce over and over again. I think it might be happening for real now. I am at the point I just can't keep going the way things are, and every time we decide to stay together, we both say things are going to change, and they don't. My problem is that my husband does not want to try to keep things amicable or talk rationally like adults about everything. He is always leaving in a fit of rage, threatening to take the kids from me, take all the money out of my bank account, close my account, etc. He doesn't really have a leg to stand on in taking the kids, I have been a stay at home mom from the beginning, by his choice. I am going to school to finish college so that I can get a job later. We live with my parents because we lost our house due to him being unemployed. He says now he has a job and he can support the kids; I have no job and live with my parents so he says a judge will give him the kids. I don't know what to do. I want to make agreements and come to a compromise, he wants to start a war. I don't feel like anybody is at fault in our breakup. We do not get along. We don't agree on anything. I feel I have made honest efforts to stay together. Why does he want to make this harder than it is? What do I do to keep us from dragging the kids (2 and 4 yrs old) through hell? In a perfect world, I would like to stay with my parents until I finish school and can get a solid job. I have two loving parents who help a lot with the kids. They are comfortable here. H works 6 days a week, so if he was to take them, they would be in child care all the time, which makes no sense to me. I would prefer they stay where they are and H can visit them or they can stay with him on his days off, whenever he wants. I am in no way trying to take his kids away, but he is forcing this battle onto me. I am a good mother. He has no reason to want to take them away from me. If anything, he is much more "unfit" as a parent, he has had drug addiction problems, arrests for assault, DUIs 3X, and continues to drink almost daily. But I know he is a good man and he has a good job now, and has his drug problem under control. I just want to protect myself without making it seem like I am trying to continue this war or take his kids away. What do I do?
Tiberius Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 He cant take the kids. There will be at least visitation if not 50 50 custody. In most states he cant leave the state with the kids, so relax.
mathompson04 Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Even if the bum would take you to court, he would lose custody. Just so long as you don't have worse priors than him, the courts would be stupid to give him custody. Your hubby has to be willing to change. What he is going through (the anger, rage, unreasonable choices) sound a lot like my depression--which for a long time I thought was bipolar disorder. My doc says severe depression that goes untreated for a long time can result in crazy behavior like that. Urge him to seek therapy, and maybe some antidepressants will help. But like I said, he has to be willing to change in order to improve BOTH of your lives. Good luck.
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