Are guys on online dating sites representative of the male single population?

November 12, 2011

Do you think the guys on online dating sites are representative of the male single population? I'm on a free dating site, by the way, not sure if that makes a difference.

I'm feeling a bit frustrated at the moment and I wonder if I should give it up or not. It's free, but well, I'm starting to wonder if it's not going to screw up my perception of the single male. The guys over thirty will almost always want to date a younger woman. Example, guy, 35, looking for someone between 36 and 20. Guys way older than me, like 15+, will contact me and think I will go on a date with them. The only ones who don't mind dating women their age or older are guys in their twenties and well, they're awfully young and they rather stir up motherly feelings than anything else. And well, I guess, it's because they hope to find a sexually experienced woman. Who knows what they want for a long-term relationship.

Their behavior in general is weird. I have turned various people down and they continue to visit my profile. Why would you do that? I'm just as clingy and desperate as any other single woman in her thirties, but even I have some pride. If you don't answer a contact message or if you have turned me down, I'd rather drop dead than show any sign of interest in you ever again.

I just can't help thinking that so many guys on online dating sites are idiots.

November 12, 2011

females have the pick of the litter online yet still whine and complain. theres good and buy males on there. how bout you do the choosing instaed of leting the wrong male choose you? males go months between messages but females whine when they get 100. just block em if you don't like em. jeez.

I do the choosing, but I'm too appalled what I read in the profiles to really want to contact anybody.

Every guy could get a better contact rate if he set up a good profile and included some decent pictures.

November 12, 2011

Do you think the guys on online dating sites are representative of the male single population?

I sure as hell hope not...

But I have a feeling only about the 20-30% of the actual male dating pool actual gets any real interaction with women online. Of course that is sheer speculation, but I would say that the men you deal with certainly would not be representative of the entire population.

November 12, 2011

Every guy could get a better contact rate if he set up a good profile and included some decent pictures.

I don't know. I've had a few people critique my profile so I know it's pretty good, and I have some decent pictures and yet my reply rate is something like 1% (meaning 1% of my sent messages get replied to). And I never get anyone contacting me first.

Then again I'm 23 so maybe I should be approaching women in bars or clubs or something instead of looking online for women.

Either way I hope online women are representative of women as a whole or else I'm in for a world of hurt.

November 12, 2011

I do the choosing, but I'm too appalled what I read in the profiles to really want to contact anybody.

Every guy could get a better contact rate if he set up a good profile and included some decent pictures.

Well there's the problem!

You need to stop wasting your time with online dating (now there's an oxymoron for you!) and start doing something real. Look up some singles groups on meetup dot com and join a few. Or if they don't have any, start one.

Let me tell you... some of those creepy guys who do the online dating thing wouldn't last 5 minutes in a meetup group. They're real-life trolls and online dating is their last place of refuge!

November 12, 2011

Do you think the guys on online dating sites are representative of the male single population? I'm on a free dating site, by the way, not sure if that makes a difference.

I'm feeling a bit frustrated at the moment and I wonder if I should give it up or not. It's free, but well, I'm starting to wonder if it's not going to screw up my perception of the single male. The guys over thirty will almost always want to date a younger woman. Example, guy, 35, looking for someone between 36 and 20. Guys way older than me, like 15+, will contact me and think I will go on a date with them. The only ones who don't mind dating women their age or older are guys in their twenties and well, they're awfully young and they rather stir up motherly feelings than anything else. And well, I guess, it's because they hope to find a sexually experienced woman. Who knows what they want for a long-term relationship.

Their behavior in general is weird. I have turned various people down and they continue to visit my profile. Why would you do that? I'm just as clingy and desperate as any other single woman in her thirties, but even I have some pride. If you don't answer a contact message or if you have turned me down, I'd rather drop dead than show any sign of interest in you ever again.

I just can't help thinking that so many guys on online dating sites are idiots.

OLD sites, especially the free ones, ARE representative of a certain segment of the single male population.

I stopped using them for the same reasons you mention above. I work around nearly all men, and my observations of their dating and marrying experiences don't line up with what I viewed when I was trying OLD.

I also felt it was starting to give me a negative impression of men that I didn't want to carry around with me.

The need for men doing OLD to troll for much younger women than themselves, the number of them being down on their luck, or having alcohol/drug/money issues, and multi-dating are all reasons I felt that most men there came from a different dating pool I had no interest in diving into or staying in.

Most of my male friends have never even tried OLD, and if they did, it was short term (like me). Most of them paired up with people close to their own age, with only a few exceptions.

Some have met some decent men there. I honestly don't have the time or the desire to sift through that garbage anymore.

It would be great if someone created an online dating site that did background and credit checks as part of the sign up requirements. That would sift out the worst of them, I think.

Oh, and why do they continue to visit your profile?? They are probably hitting the button on 'more like you'.

yet another reason to remove myself from the pool entirely.

November 12, 2011

...FYI... I did all of the contacting.

I pulled down my pictures to avoid the flood of 'ur hawt' emails and others who obviously had nothing in common with me so that I could focus on doing my own searches.

That did seem to improve things a bit... but not enough for me to continue.

... and regarding the advice to just delete emails... honestly, I don't want their junk occupying my space (cyber or otherwise) long enough to even decide if I should delete or not.

November 12, 2011

Since more and more people I know are having luck on dating sites this year, I'm going to go with: in some areas, yes. Probably depends on your area and AGE (especially age!) though. I feel like my generation (X/Y/Millenial/beyond --- I am probably technically Y, though the cusp of X and some graphs have me in X) has it good for OLD but earlier generations do not, except for the much older, grandma-aged mostly widowed subset on EHarmony.

I think the biggest problem with dating sites (in urban areas, which is the only place I think they work) is most people screen terribly, get discouraged, and rush through the people. Really, I think the way to use it is keep it up there, look occasionally with compatibility in mind, be willing to message anyone interesting (even if you're female!), and be willing to leave it alone for awhile and come back to it later, if needbe. Just like dating in the real world, it's not a tool for insta-BF/GF/hookup/whatever. Have some patience, cull as you would in the real world (where there are plenty of non-desirables, just as there are online), and be proactive.

I could never use any site but OKC, which helped me filter, without getting frustrated, but one of my friends met her sweet, awesome BF on POF, a site I think is abhorrent. (And neither of them fit the POF stereotype!)

But, yeah, I think it's about the same everywhere in terms of dating in urban areas. There are lots of single men and women, and many of them would be incompatible or unappealing to you, but you're looking for the subset that aren't and focusing on the people that ARE appealing and compatible. If you focus on that, you get more success.

November 12, 2011

OLD sites, especially the free ones, ARE representative of a certain segment of the single male population.

I stopped using them for the same reasons you mention above. I work around nearly all men, and my observations of their dating and marrying experiences don't line up with what I viewed when I was trying OLD.

I also felt it was starting to give me a negative impression of men that I didn't want to carry around with me.

The need for men doing OLD to troll for much younger women than themselves, the number of them being down on their luck, or having alcohol/drug/money issues, and multi-dating are all reasons I felt that most men there came from a different dating pool I had no interest in diving into or staying in.

Most of my male friends have never even tried OLD, and if they did, it was short term (like me). Most of them paired up with people close to their own age, with only a few exceptions.

Some have met some decent men there. I honestly don't have the time or the desire to sift through that garbage anymore.

It would be great if someone created an online dating site that did background and credit checks as part of the sign up requirements. That would sift out the worst of them, I think.

Oh, and why do they continue to visit your profile?? They are probably hitting the button on 'more like you'.

yet another reason to remove myself from the pool entirely.

Agree with your post as usual. I have male friends and I work in a very male environment in the City of London. They show a very different attitude to dating than what I saw in OLD. One important aspect is that my friends and colleagues seem to be personable and establish rapport easily. They also don't appear to live in a dreamworld - while I get the impression that men that OLD struggle with interpersonal contact.

I only know of two men IRL that looked for a partner via OLD and neither of them find it easy to build a romantic rapport. I chose to widen my social circle via different activities and hang out with extroverts that have good social skills and are genuinely curious people. I find those are more capable of healthy relationships than those that look for it in cyber space

November 12, 2011

Do you think the guys on online dating sites are representative of the male single population?

I hope not

I was on free, and a pay site. I only seemed to attracted those who were just talking a lot of talk, but never wanting to go that next step to real life. I'm not even one who is picky or selective about looks, size, or age.. I just want a down to earth real person who wants me as well.

I think the majority of "older", beyond their mid-30s, men on those sites are just there looking. I have had several go as far as making plans to meet, only to back out at the last minute, or just never show. I wonder if being online is 'safe' or comfortable for them? Or if they are hiding behind the screen.

I gave up.. if I find someone in my every day real life, that would be great, but I won't hold my breath lol...

November 12, 2011

Agree with your post as usual. I have male friends and I work in a very male environment in the City of London. They show a very different attitude to dating than what I saw in OLD. One important aspect is that my friends and colleagues seem to be personable and establish rapport easily. They also don't appear to live in a dreamworld - while I get the impression that men that OLD struggle with interpersonal contact.

I only know of two men IRL that looked for a partner via OLD and neither of them find it easy to build a romantic rapport. I chose to widen my social circle via different activities and hang out with extroverts that have good social skills and are genuinely curious people. I find those are more capable of healthy relationships than those that look for it in cyber space

I think it's awesome you live in London... I'm really looking forward to living in a bigger city with a more diverse set of people! Would love to live in Europe. That's my current goal.

I might PM you sometime to hear what life is like in GB, if you don't mind. There is another poster here from one of the other countries I"m interested in that I've been meaning to catch up with too...

Also glad to hear there is a 'pool' of men interested in meeting women in real life.

November 12, 2011

I think it's awesome you live in London... I'm really looking forward to living in a bigger city with a more diverse set of people! Would love to live in Europe. That's my current goal.

I might PM you sometime to hear what life is like in GB, if you don't mind. There is another poster here from one of the other countries I"m interested in that I've been meaning to catch up with too...

Also glad to hear there is a 'pool' of men interested in meeting women in real life.

Of course, feel free to PM. I think if you have a plan it's not that hard to meet people here

November 12, 2011

I think the majority of "older", beyond their mid-30s, men on those sites are just there looking. I have had several go as far as making plans to meet, only to back out at the last minute, or just never show. I wonder if being online is 'safe' or comfortable for them? Or if they are hiding behind the screen.

I gave up.. if I find someone in my every day real life, that would be great, but I won't hold my breath lol...

As far as I could see there were quite a few people on that were fresh out of a relationships and wanted to make themselves feel better

November 12, 2011

Since more and more people I know are having luck on dating sites this year, I'm going to go with: in some areas, yes. Probably depends on your area and AGE (especially age!) though. I feel like my generation (X/Y/Millenial/beyond --- I am probably technically Y, though the cusp of X and some graphs have me in X) has it good for OLD but earlier generations do not, except for the much older, grandma-aged mostly widowed subset on EHarmony.

I think the biggest problem with dating sites (in urban areas, which is the only place I think they work) is most people screen terribly, get discouraged, and rush through the people. Really, I think the way to use it is keep it up there, look occasionally with compatibility in mind, be willing to message anyone interesting (even if you're female!), and be willing to leave it alone for awhile and come back to it later, if needbe. Just like dating in the real world, it's not a tool for insta-BF/GF/hookup/whatever. Have some patience, cull as you would in the real world (where there are plenty of non-desirables, just as there are online), and be proactive.

I could never use any site but OKC, which helped me filter, without getting frustrated, but one of my friends met her sweet, awesome BF on POF, a site I think is abhorrent. (And neither of them fit the POF stereotype!)

But, yeah, I think it's about the same everywhere in terms of dating in urban areas. There are lots of single men and women, and many of them would be incompatible or unappealing to you, but you're looking for the subset that aren't and focusing on the people that ARE appealing and compatible. If you focus on that, you get more success.

I think it might be the issue of patience and being prepared to treat first dates as a hobby almost. When I started chatting with someone I found almost instantly that their profile bore very little resemblance to reality. I think it's true that we all see ourselves differently than outsiders do but I don't have the patience to try to build rapport with someone that is likely to be a duff one - while IRL it would take me 30 seconds to realise that.

IME you have almost as much luck picking someone based on photos than based on the piece of fiction they present as themselves

November 12, 2011

I think it might be the issue of patience and being prepared to treat first dates as a hobby almost. When I started chatting with someone I found almost instantly that their profile bore very little resemblance to reality. I think it's true that we all see ourselves differently than outsiders do but I don't have the patience to try to build rapport with someone that is likely to be a duff one - while IRL it would take me 30 seconds to realise that.

IME you have almost as much luck picking someone based on photos than based on the piece of fiction they present as themselves

Well im a single guy, 34 and have been on both pay for and free dating sites the last two years, have been on dates from both and the biggest two themes i seem to pick up is either the women have a list of say 20 requirements and if you dont tick all 20 boxes ( which no one male or female poss can) then they arent intrested and the other one is so many women are still hung up over their ex and last relship and shouldnt even be thinking of starting dating again for a few months, i have been on a lot of first dates ( and no im not a serial dater) and they are either plan weird and you cant get out of the place fast enough (one spent two hours talking about a cat and £5 (dont ask iv no idea!!) or the one that told me she would have to kill me if she told me what her job was as it is top secret goverment work but then very occasionaly you hook up with someone really genuine and you have amazing chemistry etc but they are still hung up over their ex.. like the last person i meet from the internet!!

November 12, 2011

Well im a single guy, 34 and have been on both pay for and free dating sites the last two years, have been on dates from both and the biggest two themes i seem to pick up is either the women have a list of say 20 requirements and if you dont tick all 20 boxes ( which no one male or female poss can) then they arent intrested and the other one is so many women are still hung up over their ex and last relship and shouldnt even be thinking of starting dating again for a few months, i have been on a lot of first dates ( and no im not a serial dater) and they are either plan weird and you cant get out of the place fast enough (one spent two hours talking about a cat and £5 (dont ask iv no idea!!) or the one that told me she would have to kill me if she told me what her job was as it is top secret goverment work but then very occasionaly you hook up with someone really genuine and you have amazing chemistry etc but they are still hung up over their ex.. like the last person i meet from the internet!!

I met a weirdo last summer and that's when I threw in the towel

Don't you feel you would be better off focusing that energy on real life dating?

November 12, 2011

Well im a single guy, 34 and have been on both pay for and free dating sites the last two years, have been on dates from both and the biggest two themes i seem to pick up is either the women have a list of say 20 requirements and if you dont tick all 20 boxes ( which no one male or female poss can) then they arent intrested and the other one is so many women are still hung up over their ex and last relship and shouldnt even be thinking of starting dating again for a few months, i have been on a lot of first dates ( and no im not a serial dater) and they are either plan weird and you cant get out of the place fast enough (one spent two hours talking about a cat and £5 (dont ask iv no idea!!) or the one that told me she would have to kill me if she told me what her job was as it is top secret goverment work but then very occasionaly you hook up with someone really genuine and you have amazing chemistry etc but they are still hung up over their ex.. like the last person i meet from the internet!!

So, there are weird women on these online dating sites? I'm just curious. I've always wondered how the experience is for men. My claim was that there always are more weird men than women.

November 12, 2011

I met a weirdo last summer and that's when I threw in the towel

Don't you feel you would be better off focusing that energy on real life dating?

In what way was he weird?? i could tell you a few experiences, the two i mentioned werent the worst!!!

Yea beginning to think along those lines about putting my energy into real life dating, but where i live and the job/ hours i work mean it is hard to meet single women in a day to day situation..

November 12, 2011

So, there are weird women on these online dating sites? I'm just curious. I've always wondered how the experience is for men. My claim was that there always are more weird men than women.

There are def a lot of weird women on these sites, other than the two iv mentioned other dates were one that bought her parents along and while she sat in the corner as quiet as a mouse the parents preceded to ask me 101 questions then when they had fhinshed firing them at me they got up to go and said you can court our daughter for 6 months and then we expect you to take her hand in marriage... i only went out to meet her and have a drink, not come home half married!!! another told me she was in love with me after a couple of dates and wanted to settle down and have my kids.. another turned up at the pub dressed like a hooker.. Meet another person who i went out on a date with, got on fab arranged a second date the following week then in between the dates i found out she had been going around asking a lot of questions about me to people that i deal with thru my business... hence not impressed, another told me she was 36 (pics confirned what she said... yea you got it, turned up at the pub and she was 64!!! dont laugh...pics were of her married daughter it turned out!!! hmmm this is getting to be a long list... thinking about it iv only really meet one genuine women online but like i say she is screwed up over her ex which is a shame as have amazing chemistry/same intrests etc.looking for the same things long term etc etc..

November 12, 2011

There are def a lot of weird women on these sites, other than the two iv mentioned other dates were one that bought her parents along and while she sat in the corner as quiet as a mouse the parents preceded to ask me 101 questions then when they had fhinshed firing them at me they got up to go and said you can court our daughter for 6 months and then we expect you to take her hand in marriage... i only went out to meet her and have a drink, not come home half married!!! another told me she was in love with me after a couple of dates and wanted to settle down and have my kids.. another turned up at the pub dressed like a hooker.. Meet another person who i went out on a date with, got on fab arranged a second date the following week then in between the dates i found out she had been going around asking a lot of questions about me to people that i deal with thru my business... hence not impressed, another told me she was 36 (pics confirned what she said... yea you got it, turned up at the pub and she was 64!!! dont laugh...pics were of her married daughter it turned out!!! hmmm this is getting to be a long list... thinking about it iv only really meet one genuine women online but like i say she is screwed up over her ex which is a shame as have amazing chemistry/same intrests etc.looking for the same things long term etc etc..

Your stories are definitely better than mine! I used to have a friend who always got into weird situations with weird people. You remind me of him.

November 12, 2011

Your stories are definitely better than mine! I used to have a friend who always got into weird situations with weird people. You remind me of him.

Ha ha, glad its just not me, why do you reckon he attracts all these weirdos and how did he break the cycle???

November 12, 2011

In what way was he weird?? i could tell you a few experiences, the two i mentioned werent the worst!!!

Yea beginning to think along those lines about putting my energy into real life dating, but where i live and the job/ hours i work mean it is hard to meet single women in a day to day situation..

Maybe you need a life style change.

The weirdest guy I met had altered his photo and lied about his build. He was tiny, smaller than me and I'm only 132 pounds, 5' 6"

He lied about his job and everything else, I had the most uncomfortable 30 minutes of my life. Other guys I screened better but had one that posted a photo that was 10 years old then asked me what I would have done upon meeting him. I said I would have walked out and considered him a liar. He said he was marketing himself with his old photo and that he was like a discounted Gucci bag. I told him I could afford one on full price.

Then chatted with a few that had just split up with someone and others that were very very awkward. I had lots contacting me from overseas probably thinking at the age of 38 I was desperate enough to marry them and get them a visa, they were always young men from developing countries.

I also had Africans contacting me for casual sex probably thinking I wouldn't know about the astounding level of HIV infection in their countries.

I found the most socially awkward ones were on OKC

November 12, 2011

Its good you didn't fall for them.

November 12, 2011

Ha ha, glad its just not me, why do you reckon he attracts all these weirdos and how did he break the cycle???

I think he looks at the world with the eyes of a child. He is also quite easy going. People often seem to be strangely attracted to him. He's not my type, but occasionally some women will really dig him. Once he met this woman at a single party, she approached him and they hooked up the same night. She was a judge. Honestly, I don't know how he did that. He didn't really know either...

I think I'm just way more careful than he is. I screen a lot. And if someone strikes me as fishy, I'll go with my instinct. I guess, some people would think that I'm way too sensitive with regards to what I consider a red flag, but I rarely get that kind of surprises. Once I was flirting with this cute guy. It was really fun, but somehow after a while I wondered why a cute, funny guy like him was on this dating site and I started inquiring about his picture. He showed me more recent ones. Turns out, his profile pic must have been 20 years old or something and well, he's just not that cute anymore...

I think my friend has more interesting stories to tell and I live a somewhat safer life.

Edited November 12, 2011 by PlumPrincess

November 12, 2011

Do you think the guys on online dating sites are representative of the male single population?
...
I just can't help thinking that so many guys on online dating sites are idiots.

I think many present themselves as idiots. Simply because they do not know better.

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Are guys on online dating sites representative of the male single population?

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