AlexisMacabre Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 i guess theres no need for me to wait anymore, it is over for real this time, i dont know how to feel, its a mix of a lot of different emotions but none of those include hate or animosity but just a lot of hurt i guess. my husband is in love with another girl, she has 2 kids and hes never met her before but he said he loves her and that shes his one and only and that she makes him feel like hes never felt before, he got all those feeling just by talking to her on the phone. wow. anyways, he told me he hates my existence, he has so much animosity towards me and he hopes i die. im the mother of his son, he doesnt ask about his son at all and he wants to take care of another girls kids and another girl? i think i should be the one with all the animosity but i cant hate a person ive always loved so that just shows me i never meant **** to him. im so sad, if anyone wants to throw in some nice words go ahead i really need them.
Ernest Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 I'm so sorry, that's horrible. The thing with the other woman is imo a fantasy but that really doesn't matter that much. He is obvious desperately unhappy and is lashing out at you. Protect and care for yourself and your son. One day at a time.
fluffyfluff Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 i guess theres no need for me to wait anymore, it is over for real this time, i dont know how to feel, its a mix of a lot of different emotions but none of those include hate or animosity but just a lot of hurt i guess. my husband is in love with another girl, she has 2 kids and hes never met her before but he said he loves her and that shes his one and only and that she makes him feel like hes never felt before, he got all those feeling just by talking to her on the phone. wow. anyways, he told me he hates my existence, he has so much animosity towards me and he hopes i die. im the mother of his son, he doesnt ask about his son at all and he wants to take care of another girls kids and another girl? i think i should be the one with all the animosity but i cant hate a person ive always loved so that just shows me i never meant **** to him. im so sad, if anyone wants to throw in some nice words go ahead i really need them. Hi Im sorry to hear this. Did they met on the internet? You say they never met before. The grass is never greener on the other side. How long have you been together for? I doubt it will be working out for him if they haven't met!!!! Its an illusion he has made up in his own mind about her~!!! Hang in there
Steadfast Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 It's never easy dealing with rejection, betrayal or animosity. Give yourself a break and mourn this loss. Don't try to rush into 'feeling better'. You, and your child are being wronged. It'll take some time and daily doses of self-love to work through the upheaval. Don't feel bad about feeling bad. It's a pretty safe bet to assume guilt is driving his comments and actions right now. In other words, he's placing the order, you're paying the bill. He wants this woman more than anything, and to justify his actions he's painting you as someone that must be avoided. This includes your son, for now, or some angle that makes him look noble in the OW's eyes. When someone does this to someone else, the truth always comes out later. For now, do not concern yourself with his facade and focus on you and yours. You may, or may not be around to see what his actions eventually cause, but in either case do not concern yourself with it. Remember, if his grief causes your joy, what will his joy cause you? Let him go. He'll pay for his actions. It's better if you're not involved. Lean on friends and trusted family. Day by day. You'll make it out of this.
Tiberius Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 I am getting the impression with all these people coming from divorced homes nobody really knows how to be a husband or father anymore.
marqueemoon4 Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 I am getting the impression with all these people coming from divorced homes nobody really knows how to be a husband or father anymore. Or a mother and a wife. It's this selfish ME society.
fluffyfluff Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Yeah, I think we all should take marriage councilling before entering it. Not a bad idea of my Mothers which I decided not to do.
Author AlexisMacabre Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 Hi Im sorry to hear this. Did they met on the internet? You say they never met before. The grass is never greener on the other side. How long have you been together for? I doubt it will be working out for him if they haven't met!!!! Its an illusion he has made up in his own mind about her~!!! Hang in there yeah i think they met on facebook, and we've been together for 4 years married for 3. i think he might be thinking the grass is greener but im sure hes going to get hurt and well if that happens i guess its what he gets.
Author AlexisMacabre Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 It's never easy dealing with rejection, betrayal or animosity. Give yourself a break and mourn this loss. Don't try to rush into 'feeling better'. You, and your child are being wronged. It'll take some time and daily doses of self-love to work through the upheaval. Don't feel bad about feeling bad. It's a pretty safe bet to assume guilt is driving his comments and actions right now. In other words, he's placing the order, you're paying the bill. He wants this woman more than anything, and to justify his actions he's painting you as someone that must be avoided. This includes your son, for now, or some angle that makes him look noble in the OW's eyes. When someone does this to someone else, the truth always comes out later. For now, do not concern yourself with his facade and focus on you and yours. You may, or may not be around to see what his actions eventually cause, but in either case do not concern yourself with it. Remember, if his grief causes your joy, what will his joy cause you? Let him go. He'll pay for his actions. It's better if you're not involved. Lean on friends and trusted family. Day by day. You'll make it out of this. thank you so much for your reply, im glad there are people out there who know what im going through and know that i will make out of this ok, i know my son will be better off without him around a lot, if this OW is what he wants then im going to let him be and wait for it to crash and burn right infront of him, this OW is married also but i think they are separated too so idk how much longer its going to be till her husband comes crawling back to her as well.
Author AlexisMacabre Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 I'm so sorry, that's horrible. The thing with the other woman is imo a fantasy but that really doesn't matter that much. He is obvious desperately unhappy and is lashing out at you. Protect and care for yourself and your son. One day at a time. thank you for this, i appreciate ever comment.
Author AlexisMacabre Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 i agree with the selfish ME thing, a lot of people in relationships always tend to become selfish and make everything about them like my husband is doing, everything is about him and my son and i arent apart of that ME thing. he needs to open his eyes and realize what he may be losing but of course his selfishness takes over his mind and its what HE wants now what is the RIGHT thing to do.
shayla Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 When your husband gets the rude awakening of reality, when he realizes that his fantasy did not come close to who she really is, he will remember who he stomped on to get to that other woman. If all it took for him to do this is a few words on facebook, then that doesn't say much for his commitment to his marriage. I agree that he should be let go. Watch from the sidelines as his fairy tale crashes and burns, and if it were me, I'd be cordial for your sons sake but I'd never again take him back. So sorry this happened to you.
fluffyfluff Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 yeah i think they met on facebook, and we've been together for 4 years married for 3. i think he might be thinking the grass is greener but im sure hes going to get hurt and well if that happens i guess its what he gets. Book yourself in for councilling and tell him the invitation is open for him to attend any time. Tell him its with a male. Try with either outcome for the best interests of your son. I seriously need to do a marriage counselling course, a marriage is a life time and temptation will always be there. I think people don't know what its going to be like and how to handle things. Everyone needs support. When the communication starts breaking down, that's the time to step in. Dont give up!
Author AlexisMacabre Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 Book yourself in for councilling and tell him the invitation is open for him to attend any time. Tell him its with a male. Try with either outcome for the best interests of your son. I seriously need to do a marriage counselling course, a marriage is a life time and temptation will always be there. I think people don't know what its going to be like and how to handle things. Everyone needs support. When the communication starts breaking down, that's the time to step in. Dont give up! thank you, i have offered but he's denied it, so im just gunna let things go and see how it goes for him. its all i can do now.
Author AlexisMacabre Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 When your husband gets the rude awakening of reality, when he realizes that his fantasy did not come close to who she really is, he will remember who he stomped on to get to that other woman. If all it took for him to do this is a few words on facebook, then that doesn't say much for his commitment to his marriage. I agree that he should be let go. Watch from the sidelines as his fairy tale crashes and burns, and if it were me, I'd be cordial for your sons sake but I'd never again take him back. So sorry this happened to you. thank you and yeah, i told him to just forget about ever meeting me and whatever we had and love that girl and to delete my number from his phone, if he wants to see our son he can call his mom and tell her about it.
andyg99 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Alexis - sorry for your pain... but you need to find it in you to become a stronger person as a result of this... you mentioned about letting him go and watching his new fling crash and burn. Actually there is a very good chance it will blow up but here's where the strength comes in, you need to close the door if and when he leaves... and the only way you should ever open it for him is if a) you want to and b) he makes some serious changes and agrees to YOUR boundaries: you get access to all his e-mail and internet accounts, you get to monitor his calls, etc. Again I'm sorry, we all know your pain sadly....
fluffyfluff Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 thank you, i have offered but he's denied it, so im just gunna let things go and see how it goes for him. its all i can do now. Still do it for yourself, stay strong and focused, get support where you need it.
talonx Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 aside from the breakdown of the marriage, you indicate that if he wants to see his son, he should contact his mother? you have ZERO rights to prevent him from seeing his child. ZERO. i don't condemn you for your pain or anger. however bringing your child in as a pawn to get back at his father is not in the child's best interest.
Author AlexisMacabre Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 Alexis - sorry for your pain... but you need to find it in you to become a stronger person as a result of this... you mentioned about letting him go and watching his new fling crash and burn. Actually there is a very good chance it will blow up but here's where the strength comes in, you need to close the door if and when he leaves... and the only way you should ever open it for him is if a) you want to and b) he makes some serious changes and agrees to YOUR boundaries: you get access to all his e-mail and internet accounts, you get to monitor his calls, etc. Again I'm sorry, we all know your pain sadly.... as much as i would wish to be with him again, its never going to happen, if it does crash and burn then oh well, this is his loss. im trying hard to be strong and even though i may cry, im trying my best to forget him.
1956cadhain Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I think you've had a lucky escape. My Husband has cheated on me twice. The first girl he admitted he was in love with her. Sadly, I had nowhere to go, and no friends or family that could have taken my 2 kids to, so I could start a new life, but I wish I'd tried harder. I stayed with him, hoping I could one day forget, and get over his infidelities, and he says he loves me, but I wonder if he just see's me as a companion now he's in his late 50's. I know he still loves the first girl he cheated on me with, as I catch him listening to the songs they shared, miles away, and with his eyes closed. It hurts! I am left bitter and extremely self concious, and will always feel 2nd best, or the 'booby prize', and I would hate for someone else to go through what I go through every day of my life, because you NEVER forget, even years later. Do what I wish I had done, and find someone who will love you as you deserve to be loved. I often wonder if I might have met my 'soul mate', but it's too late for me now, but NOT for you!
Steen719 Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I think you've had a lucky escape. My Husband has cheated on me twice. The first girl he admitted he was in love with her. Sadly, I had nowhere to go, and no friends or family that could have taken my 2 kids to, so I could start a new life, but I wish I'd tried harder. I stayed with him, hoping I could one day forget, and get over his infidelities, and he says he loves me, but I wonder if he just see's me as a companion now he's in his late 50's. I know he still loves the first girl he cheated on me with, as I catch him listening to the songs they shared, miles away, and with his eyes closed. It hurts! I am left bitter and extremely self concious, and will always feel 2nd best, or the 'booby prize', and I would hate for someone else to go through what I go through every day of my life, because you NEVER forget, even years later. Do what I wish I had done, and find someone who will love you as you deserve to be loved. I often wonder if I might have met my 'soul mate', but it's too late for me now, but NOT for you! Why is it too late for you?
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