tk1212 Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Thank you for reading this. Lately, I've really been struggling with an overwhelming urge to leave my girlfriend. There is NO reason for this. I love her and could see a happy life with her but for the past few months I can't seem to avoid these feelings. A bit of background: We've been together for about a year and a half. I'm 28 and she is 26. Both our parents are happily married. No abuse of any sort. We met through mutual friends about 5 years ago. Flirted a bit but nothing came of it until a year and a half ago. At that time we started dating and that progressed into a relationship. At the beginning of our relationship I was still trying to find my career and was working from home (lots of free time) and unemployed. Things were fine and she was very supportive. This past May I started working in a career I love and have done very well in. I've been working very long hours and often don't feel like doing anything other than stay in after work. My concerns have slowly developed since this time. I don't know if it's the stress from work, the meeting new people or something else but I keep feeling like I should break up with her. Oh and one more thing...we NEVER fight. Now I know a lot of people say this has to do with lack of passion but I think we are both too easy going and just give in or attempt to please the other person. I still love doing things for her and seeing her smile. She's amazing and loves me with all her heart. The thought of hurting her is making me sick to my stomach but I also feel anxious all the time I keep this in. She knows I’ve been stressed from work but has been more than supportive. Sometimes too much and it makes me feel guilty. I haven't been able to communicate this fully to her with the fear of hurting our relationship but I'm getting to the point where I can't take it anymore. I've read about the Grass is Always Greener Syndrome, Distancer/Pursuer dynamic, anxiety, depression, and OCD as I worry that all could have been playing a part. I have always been an over analyzer and worst case scenario thinker. While I do understand I should speak to a professional about this I was hoping to gain some insight on here in the meantime. My biggest fear is giving in to these feelings and regretting it forever. We have talked about a life together and that didn't scare me up until recently when I thought about how long forever was. Another one of my biggest fears is getting divorced or never finding love. Lastly, when I logically think of being without her all I want is to have her in my arms. This is so messed up and all I want is to be happy with the women I love. If you've made it to the end please leave your thoughts below. I welcome opinions from all but especially those who have gone through or are going through something similar. Thanks!
thepedestrian Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 (edited) My friend I went through what you are going through kind of right now. I'll tell you my story here... I left a girl for Grass is greener syndrome and not knowing what I want... we talked everyday for a year and then began to feel more distant... eventually 1.5 years later I decided I want her back. She is with another man now and while she still has feelings for me she wants to see where this relationship goes. I will regret my decision to leave her for the rest of my life. She is one of a kind. Edit: the reason I didn't take her back sooner was because I already crushed her feelings once and I wanted to make sure if I did it was because I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. I cared so much for her that I didn't want to put her through the same thing twice. I like to think I have an idea of what youre feeling.... and if it is close I know how tough it is. If this is the girl you want to be with forever stick it out is my best piece of advice. Once you let them go you NEVER know for sure if they will come back. Edit: Brother, if this girl feels the way about you that you do about her you ARE going to hurt her. Edited November 12, 2011 by thepedestrian
Author tk1212 Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 I really appreciate the response. It's nice to hear from people who have gone through it. I have been reading a lot about G.I.G.S. today and can completely relate. I will definitely take your advice into account moving forward. Ultimately I think I may be best to seek professional help as I believe that can't hurt and do worry that I may have some sort of anxiety issues. I do not want to regret this forever. Can I ask a question...how long did you think about the possibility of breaking up before you went down that road? Thanks again.
thepedestrian Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 I had the feeling for a few weeks. My best advice for yourself would be to sit on it for much longer. The more time you think about it hopefully the better the decision you will make for yourself. Go get professional opinions my friend, you're about to make a huge decision that WILL affect the rest of your life. Good luck.
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