DarkAngel7 Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 This is not going to be a "should I get back with my cheating ex" thread. That being said I was in a relationship, we stopped talking for a while(break) and he ended up sleeping with someone. We got back together without me knowing this, until one day I found pics and was stunned. He tried to lie about it, but finally came clean. I told him to get out(we lived together at that point) and he finally left after him begging and begging and begging. He is still begging for me back at this point. On top of all of that, there was a girl that used to constantly call him weekend nights when he was with me(when we first started dating). He explained it was a girl he knew before me and that she was mad he wasn't coming around anymore. She would get drunk and literally call him at 3 am and keep texting. I believed him and let it go, he called her and told her he was seeing someone and what she was doing was not appropriate which pissed her off. She ended up blocking him on facebook. So fast forward, I find out he had been communicating with her again on facebook. Probably about 2 or 3 times while he was with me. It was always subtle flirty things, like "you look cute in ur new pic". I was just shocked because he said they weren't even talking anymore. Even though he told me they had never slept together, I found out they had (before he met me) so obv. I was even more mad that he was communicating with her. My ego is killing me. Why? Well lets just say this girl is extremely unnattractive. She is not overweight or anything, she tries to be a hot girl by dressing very slutty etc but she has terrible skin(dents and cystic acne) and overall just a very weird appearance. She like I said looks very low class. I don't get why he would flirt with her on facebook while he had me? Even the girl he slept with while on a break with me was not that pretty...I just don't get it because I am in great shape, and considered very attractive(I do swimsuit modeling).He even always told me I was the most beautiful girl he has seen...but if that was really the case why would he flirt with the girl from his past? It is really killing my self esteem because I can't help but think that something must be wrong with me... I want to know how to get over this ego thing. NOT so I can take him back, but so I can start feeling better. It hurts enough that he did this stuff behind my back, but the looks thing is also killing me. I literally feel hideous because of all of this.
Author DarkAngel7 Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 I forgot to mention that I found out before he met me, he had been sending the unnattractive girl compliments calling her beautiful, queen, etc. He says he did it because he was bored which makes no sense to me! He says he was lonley, and she was one of this only friends...idk I kind of feel like his compliments don't mean much to me anymore because he said the same things to that girl.
RecordProducer Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 You're a beautiful girl and he is flirting (and even sleeping) with unattractive girls. Don't you get it? He is insecure, he finds pleasure in intimidating you and in the fact that you - a hottie - are jealous of HIM. He's playing games and lying to you. People will tell you that you should pretend not be jealous but I disagree. There is no happiness if you pretend that everything's alright when you're in fact hurting. And there's no point in responding to his games - or even worse, NOT responding to his games. You should walk out of the game. He thrives on this drama. I know it seems like he was actually lying and covering up for what he was doing to prtect you and to prevenmt drama, but trust me, I had a husband who did things like this. If you don't react, he will go further and further until you can't stay calm anymore. If you ignore the texts, emails, calls, pictures... eventually, he will start doing the unimaginable things. He loves the excitement of doing things behind your back and (not) getting caught. Is this pain what you've always wanted from a man?
RecordProducer Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 I forgot to mention that I found out before he met me, he had been sending the unnattractive girl compliments calling her beautiful, queen, etc. He says he did it because he was bored which makes no sense to me! He says he was lonley, and she was one of this only friends...idk I kind of feel like his compliments don't mean much to me anymore because he said the same things to that girl.This is what I discovered with my ex, too: he was telling every woman that she's beautiful. Ironically, he always treated the women he didn't care about with affection and respect, while he was mean and arrogant to the women he loved - all his three ex-wives. The formula is: if I love you I'm going to be a jerk to you. If I am nice to you, it means I don't love you. Who needs psychopaths like that? Urgh... I'm so glad I'm out of that marriage. If I could only remove him completely from my life... he keeps stinking up my life through my children.
Author DarkAngel7 Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 You're a beautiful girl and he is flirting (and even sleeping) with unattractive girls. Don't you get it? He is insecure, he finds pleasure in intimidating you and in the fact that you - a hottie - are jealous of HIM. He's playing games and lying to you. People will tell you that you should pretend not be jealous but I disagree. There is no happiness if you pretend that everything's alright when you're in fact hurting. And there's no point in responding to his games - or even worse, NOT responding to his games. You should walk out of the game. He thrives on this drama. I know it seems like he was actually lying and covering up for what he was doing to prtect you and to prevenmt drama, but trust me, I had a husband who did things like this. If you don't react, he will go further and further until you can't stay calm anymore. If you ignore the texts, emails, calls, pictures... eventually, he will start doing the unimaginable things. He loves the excitement of doing things behind your back and (not) getting caught. Is this pain what you've always wanted from a man? Yes it's like nothing he says even makes sense to me. I found a pic of a girl in a bikini and he straight up told me he had saved it on his phone for revenge. Revenge for an arguement we had...that made no sense to me because I don't even look in his phone so how would I get hurt by this so called "revenge"? He also had pics at the beach with the girl he cheated with, and this is when I didn't even know that occurred. I saw the pics and asked him what the hell they were, he lies and says it's from before he knew me. I busted him because I saw the car in the background, and it is a car he got while he knew me. He then fessed up, but claims he forgot the pics were even there. He never had the time to look in his pics- YEA RIGHT! He is begging for me back, yet I feel his answers are weird. I mean I am obv. not taking him back, I am just someone that likes to make sense of things. I am completely confused.
RecordProducer Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 I found a pic of a girl in a bikini I don't even look in his phoneObviously you saw the pic, so he achieved his goal. People like him will do many things and you won't always discover everything. They just do the wrong things regardles of whether you find out or not. They get pleasure from doing things behind one's back. He probably had a strict mother... He is begging for me back. He'll do anything until you take him back. Then he'll go back to his old self. Playing games by using other women is a big, BIG red flag. And you're the jealous type (like me), so this relationship won't work for you. You need someone who will be 100% dedicated to you. You're still young, don't waste your beautiful youth on undeserving men. Don't even listen to his bull****. Use his begging to give you strength to regain your self-esteem and move on. If you fall for his BS, it won't be long before you will be run over by his crap and driven crazy from jealousy.
Author DarkAngel7 Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 Record producer...You are totally right! I know I deserve better treatment than that. He is a good looking guy, but probably insecure about his career and all of that. He is just too insecure, it's like he needs ppl to make him feel good about himself. He was mad I wasn't worshipping him is what it seems like. You seemed to have went through something similar, how the heck did you get over it? I literally am hurting from how bad I got screwed over, and literally for trashy women. It makes me question myself so much! I've become so insecure now.
RecordProducer Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Record producer...You are totally right! I know I deserve better treatment than that. He is a good looking guy, but probably insecure about his career and all of that. He is just too insecure, it's like he needs ppl to make him feel good about himself. He was mad I wasn't worshipping him is what it seems like. You seemed to have went through something similar, how the heck did you get over it? I literally am hurting from how bad I got screwed over, and literally for trashy women. It makes me question myself so much! I've become so insecure now. Hahah! It sounds so familiar. Run, girl!!! Mine needed lots of people to make him feel good. And he's a charmer, if ya know what I mean. So many people will never know what a jerk he is. Only a select few (mostly his ex-wives and close family members) have had major conflicts with him. To answer your Q: my ex dumped me cuz I apparently wasn't good enough for him and he went for a woman who is waaaaay below my (and his) league in every sense. These men don't want it good; they pigs, they thrive in sh*t. I know how hard it is to accept that someone did bad things to you,but you have to understand that what your real friends tell you about you and what you know about yourself is the REAL YOU. Not how he made you feel. Don't look at yourself through his lenses. And remember, the thing that's most valuable and attractive in you is not your swimsuit body (or your intelligence, sense of humor, style...) - it's your dignity, inner peace, and self-esteem. You have to cherish those things. He's got none of it, so he tried to take those things away from you, too. By depriving YOU of your self-esteem, he gained some of it. I lost those things after having spent a few years with this creep, and I'm struggling to re-gain them. And it's hard. But I will heal and be a better person for that. This man had driven all his ex-wives (3 of us) crazy to the point where we did crazy things. I don't know if your ex is like this, you know him better. But if you feel that he's lying to you and playing games, he's a bad apple. There's no happiness in love with a guy who is not completely honest and open and dedicated to the relationship. Do you agree?
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