tara6542 Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 So, I met a guy online a few weeks ago. We've been out a 1/2 dozen times, and we seem to click well. He's initiated a lot of our dates, and I've invited him to a few things. He has given a few indications that he is interested, told me he likes me, likes spending time with me, talks about stuff we can do together, etc. Last week he said he was going out of town for the weekend but we could do something during the week. So the week comes and he tells me his schedule for the week, and between the two of us, only Tue is free. Tue comes and he tells me that afternoon that he is going to be busier later than expected and maybe Fri would work better. I kinda feel I'm getting blown off at this point so I explain to him why. He calls and says no, he really had stuff going on later than usual, and he was trying to set up something for when we were both free later in the week. He seemed concerned that I didn't want to hang out anymore because of my concerns. I told him yes, I do, but I had a recent difficult experience of getting played, lied to, etc., very recently so I am cautious. He explains that he hasn't dated in several years bc of a bad experience and he understands, that he likes me, etc and wants to continue to spend time together. Next day (Wed) he tells me his plans have changed, that he isn't busy, and asks if I want to do something that night. So we have dinner, have a nice time, and we talk a little about dating at one point. He says he is nervous about the physical stuff (at this pt we've just kissed) and that there are expectations that come with how dating progresses, etc., toward sex and it makes him nervous. It seems he needs more of a connection for that and I completely understand, given that I've only known him for 2 1/2 weeks, so I tell him that I am not really adhering to rules about it and I understand. Then he says he wants to go out on Fri. Fri comes and I send him a msg about our plans and he says he has a back issue and isn't up for it and is leaving work early. Um, ok. Maybe he hurt his back, but there was no rain check type courtesy or apology and I'm kind of wondering what is going on. Granted he could be in pain and just figured he'd get back to me when he's doing better, but I'm pretty skeptical. I may also be totally paranoid at this point because I've been lied to in the past. I, of course, wonder if there isn't another woman he's trying to schedule into his life, but that would go against a lot of what I've experienced about him and his apprehension of dating again after a long time. That does seem genuine. He talks like he's interested-- about stuff he wants to do with me, etc, and seemed concerned that I wasn't interested in hanging out anymore. But then he cancels. I'm wondering if it's just anxiety getting in his way. Or maybe he just isn't interested. Shoud I just drop this guy? Wtf?
forms Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 I'd drop him. Nobody has that much anxiety. At least nobody who's going to provide a quality relationship. It's his job to put on his batman boxers and follow through on what he says. But I doubt it's anxiety. I'm guessing he's just not very interested. You are very low on his priority list. Is that acceptable to you?
Author tara6542 Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 Well he could have also actually injured his back. He did tell me that he intends to be a decent person and not let me down the way the other guy did, then proceeded to make plans, some of which he carried through and some of which he canceled. Ok, so why say that kind of **** if you aren't actually interested? Just weird.
forms Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Fri comes and I send him a msg about our plans and he says he has a back issue and isn't up for it and is leaving work early. Um, ok. He hurt his back and is not 'up for your date'. But he doesn't call you to tell you--YOU have to call him to find out. What's decent about that. As soon as he knew he 'wasn't up for it', a decent guy would have called you--not left you hanging and wondering if you are still on for that evening. Especially since he knows you are sensitive to this sort of thing from the past. So ask yourself if he's so decent, why didn't HE call you and let you know; why did you have to go hunt him down? If he managed to tell his boss he was going home early because of his back, why couldn't he have told you? He was going to stand you up. Are you really ok with him breaking a date without letting you know, not apologizing and then 'getting back' to you when he's doing better? Um, ok. Maybe he hurt his back, but there was no rain check type courtesy or apology and I'm kind of wondering what is going on. Granted he could be in pain and just figured he'd get back to me when he's doing better, but I'm pretty skeptical. So why was there no rain check type courtesy or apology? Important question. And you know the answer why. You are right to be pretty skeptical. He talks like he's interested-- about stuff he wants to do with me, etc, and seemed concerned that I wasn't interested in hanging out anymore. But then he cancels. What does it mean when the talk doesn't match the action? Does it mean you focus on more of the talk? Or do you pay attention to the action?
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