Ex Girlfriend Breaks NC, Wishes Me Happy (would be) Anniversary today...

[shawn923]

Ok so my ex, the dumper texts me and wishes me a happy anniversary today. I had been NC on her for about a month before we last spoke. Ive initiated NC about 10 times on her, all broken by her each time. I also go to the same college campus as her, and seeing her at school and getting use to ignoring her has been a breeze for me lately. Anyways, today (as i expected) she texts me and wishes me a happy (would be) anniversary. I'll post the entire text convo here, and I just wanna know some of ur guys' feedback. Whether i handled it well, or what i couldve done differently.

 

I will bold all my texts sent from me

 

Her- today wouldve been our 1year anniversary

Me- Yea i know i remembered...

Me too

Yea... I cant believe its been a yr already

I know right, so fast

How have u been

Good how about you

Good as well. I thought u forgot about this day...

Never

Never huh? It woulda been better if it was today, 11/11/11

What would you have done to celebrate our anniversary?

Well idk... But if u know me then it woulda been something big and unexpected. oh well...

Yes it would have been.

(10 mins later) You were pretty clever.

Duh clever is my middle name... Guess i wasnt clever enough

Lol! Nah you were very clever

Well obviously I was missing something

You were missing how to act with me

I guess. Its all good.

Its all good?

Yea i mean i guess i didnt know how to act with you. Cant do nothin about that now

You can

How

Idk Shawn

Me neither

:/

I mean are you happy?

Yes. But i have my moments

Then were fine... Moments dont mean anything

Yes they do

U tell me what u think it means then. Why do u have moments

U dont have moments?

I dont forget u. But im fine how we are and happy

Wow ok

(hour later) Well happy 1yr anniversary! Wish you the best

Ditto...

 

 

PS. I know i also posted this in the second chances forum, just trying to get it noticed to more ppl... And yes, a second chance is what i WANT, but not expect. So did i handle this right? And whats next

[confused kitty]

IMO she wants you back, you said you didnt know how to act with her but nothing you can do now and she said yes you can

 

I dont know your full story but looking at this conversation - she wants you back, but she thinks (and it sounds) like your not interested and happy with your life without her...

 

I suggest you address and fix the problems you had, like not knowing how to act with her and show her that youve now changed.

She gave you plenty of oppertunities during this conversation to tell her how you feel and you just blew them off - keep doing this and she will think you've moved on and accept that you no longer have any feelings for her and move on herself....

[shawn923]

I thought this was the point of NC... keep in mind Ive already told her hundreds of times since breakin up that i love her and miss her and wanna be with her, and its gotten me no where. Ive literally done all i could to make it work. Shes told me plenty of times before, "I want to be with you, i love you" blah blah blah. Then when i ask her to actually commit to a relationship, theres a thousand excuses. And its been going on for 9 months. So why would i tell her, "Yes, ive missd you so much and i still love you"??? It will only feed her ego...

 

Shes looking for an ego boost IMO. She knows i wanted this relationship badly, ive cried in front of her for it. If she wanted to be with me, I think she would make it plainly obvious. She just wants to know I still miss her, and I still love her. Its got nothing to do with me, because she knows the only thing i will accept is a relationship. Shes tried to be "friends" a million times and i just wont do it. Ive even tried it for a couple days and it sucks azz so no i refuse to be her friend, i still love her. So anything else she says to me seems irrelevant

Edited November 12, 2011 by shawn923

[Rorschach64]

Well if you tried and only gotten bread crumbs/ego boosters then tell her if she actually loved you and missed you then she would commit to a relationship with you and if she produces another excuse then you tell her you are done, don't contact me again. Block everything that she can use to communicate with you.

 

Ultimatium that crap.

[ChelseaLS]

Really? You think she would make it just plain as day? You don't think for a sec on that IF she wanted this relationship back, a) wants to see you try too?...

 

You:Yea i mean i guess i didnt know how to act with you. Cant do nothin about that now

Her:You can

 

There was clearly a reason why she ended it, and it may not be the most obvious one.

 

or b) perhaps she is does regret it, but feels a bit of idiot and doesn't know how to say it.

 

It's not black and white unfortunately. It might make perfect sense in your head, but it make me jumbled mess in hers.

 

Now if you don't want her back... NC full on. Ignore to the enth dergree and don't wonder why she might be trying to contact you, don't respond, and move on.

[ChelseaLS]

Well if you tried and only gotten bread crumbs/ego boosters then tell her if she actually loved you and missed you then she would commit to a relationship with you and if she produces another excuse then you tell her you are done, don't contact me again. Block everything that she can use to communicate with you.

 

Ultimatium that crap.

 

You guys forget that you don't know whats going on in there head. Once again, it maybe simple and black and white to you.. but we do not know whats going on in their heads.

 

"tell her if she actually loved you and missed you then she would commit to a relationship with you"... thats a sure way to kill anything IF anything was there.

[shawn923]

Ok first off Chelsea i love you for disagreeing with me lol! I feel conflict helps u see both sides of the story plus ur a female... This part stands out to me:

 

"tell her if she actually loved you and missed you then she would commit to a relationship with you"... thats a sure way to kill anything IF anything was there.

 

Thats what ive been doing. Otherwise she just puts me in the friend zone and i hate it. She says she wants to be with me but everytime i give her an ultimatum she never can commit. So i take responsibility for doing something wrong here. So i ask you Chelsea, how should i handle it? What am i doing wrong, what is a way to fix it, and what should be the next step? I really wanna be with her still.

[confused kitty]

`Totally agree wit Chelsea!! You guys are seeing this all different girls arent always just black and white - neither are guys for that matter!! Especially when feelings and emotions are involved

[shawn923]

`Totally agree wit Chelsea!! You guys are seeing this all different girls arent always just black and white - neither are guys for that matter!! Especially when feelings and emotions are involved

 

Then please! Help me see the other side lol im totally open to listening. I agree that im doing something wrong and im here to fix it

[confused kitty]

"tell her if she actually loved you and missed you then she would commit to a relationship with you"... thats a sure way to kill anything IF anything was there.

 

 

Im pretty sure Chelsea was being sarcastic here!!!!

 

 

. She says she wants to be with me but everytime i give her an ultimatum she never can commit. So i take responsibility for doing something wrong here.

 

Stop giving the girl ultimatums!! Cant you see thats only putting pressure on her, No matter how much I wanted to be with someone if they kept giving me ultimatums and putting pressure on me id freak out and back off.

Instead of insisting that youve changed - try showing it instead, actions speak louder than words. And by NOT giving her ultimatums this in itself shows your trying to change

[shawn923]

Ok well then how should i handle this then? Should i text her now just to see whats up? And for future convo's with her, how close should i hold my cards? I obviously love her a lot and really want to be with her, but idk if thats the right thing to tell her all at once. How should i go about this?

[confused kitty]

Stay friendly with her, some of your comments in your last convo were very cold -- as if youve moved on already! If you feel uncomfortable coming straight out with all this "heavy" stuff again then just drop little hints - follow her lead, when she said "im happy but still have moments" IMO this is her way of saying: she still misses you but doesnt want to look desperate - hence saying shes happy! Yes its confusing to the opposite sex haha

 

Prove to her youve changed - show her that you now know how to "act with her". Bring up old memories you two shared when you both were happy together eg " remember that time we had a picnic in the park, that was great I really enjoyed that with you" - well something like that!! And follow her leads, if shes being warm and affecionate return it, if shes being distant u also pull back a little (as you dont want to seem too pushy and put all that pressure back on her)

[Rorschach64]

Okay clearly I am handicapped with female thinking then....so being blunt and forth right is not good?

 

Oh wait...just reread what he said....he gave an ultimatium and he got confuzzlism. So best way would be for him to discuss this issue she has stated...yes?

 

I want this chap to succeed and get his girl back as much as any of you but....yeah educate me and our friend female peoples.

Edited November 12, 2011 by Rorschach64

[shawn923]

Lol u guys are helping a lot thanks!

[Rorschach64]

Since I royally jacked this up, shawn hopefully you can come back and tell us what happens with your ex using actions layed out by Chelsea and Kitty.

[EgoJoe]

OP the next time she contacts you. Give her a fat ass dose of nothing. Don't you think you deserve a LITTLE bit better than bull****?

 

She'll either be forthright or back off. Either way you will heal and stop hurting. Who cares what the girls say about female thinking. Use some logic and realize that she can't be forthcoming so she doesn't get to communicate with you. Expect, desire and demand better. Only then will you get what you deserve.

[wilsonx]

OP the next time she contacts you. Give her a fat ass dose of nothing. Don't you think you deserve a LITTLE bit better than bull****?

 

She'll either be forthright or back off. Either way you will heal and stop hurting. Who cares what the girls say about female thinking. Use some logic and realize that she can't be forthcoming so she doesn't get to communicate with you. Expect, desire and demand better. Only then will you get what you deserve.

 

I support this post 100%.

 

Have more self worth then an ex playing games on what would have been the 1 year anniversary

[geegirl]

Agree with Wilson and Ego. For us older posters that know your story, it's always been this push and pull and it always will be. It's not about how women think/feel/react at this point. It's just an ex game playing.

[shawn923]

Just an update to this story... This happened a few weeks ago but ive just never posted it because i honestly didnt wanna take time to think about her.

 

Anyways, again things just werent the same. She did not actually commit or do one thing to show she wanted to be with me. It was all words. For what reason i dont know. But even if it was the slightest thing, she refused to change it. Whereas i would agree to compromise on a bunch of things to keep the relationship afloat. It was all her game playing, wasting my time, pretending to "love" me. A big waste of time... And added heartbreak.

 

Im just writing this to let everybody know, if their story sounds at all like mines, go NC ASAP. I should have went NC a long time ago, but i always reach a point where i no longer care anymore and i agree to try friends with her... It never works. Just save yourself the time and heartbreak of staying away from this person. Just realize yea u may have had great times, but any interaction with her at this point is going to leave you hurting...

 

Im currently trying to take my own advice. Ive went full NC and have been taking up extra activities, although I have yet to date a new girl. I guess im going to have to lower my standards, which i dont wanna do, but being lonely sucks for me. If lowering my standards physically means i get a girl whose CRAZY for me, then so be it. Its time i search for THAT instead of the super model with the brain of a 12 year old.

 

Oh and also last night i randomly checked her fb profile. We arent friends but it brought me to her page. Apparently shes now "in a relationship" with some dude ive never seen before, who has girls all over his page... So two weeks after saying u wanted us to work out, you're already in a new relationship? Really? It made me call he pathetic... Thus taking her off the pedestal.

[radiodarcy]

ok - - i'm a girl and i have no idea what kinds of games your ex is playing. sounds to me like she just like keeping you on a string in case her latest relationship falls through.

 

it also sounds like she lacks the maturity to understand what it means to be in a committed relationship. maybe it's a fear of commitment maybe it's her ego. whatever it is. you're better off sticking to NC and leaving her be.

 

good luck!

[Chi townD]

Radio is right. She's playing games with you...but, you knew that already. Which is very good. At the start of your break up, you would have been on here dissecting each word of each sentence of text wondering if there was a hidden meaning to everything she said. Good to see you have your head on straight. Go back to NC. You're doing fine.

[shawn923]

You're both right. I blame myself for stringing this along for this long of time. I just hate being lonely, and the more i look for love the more it runs from me... Its damn near impossible to not look for the thing u want most! But thats currently were im at. And previously, after about a month I would get lonely and accept being her friend... Which always turns into a mistake.

 

So after seeing her brand new relationship on fb yesterday i blocked her so I wouldnt even have to see that. Its just down right pathetic to me that she would tell me all this ***** two weeks ago, and i didnt buy it because she wasnt actually DOING anything, it was all he words. "Oh i love u, i miss u, lets try it again". Yet when i ask her to get rid of her ex, the guy she left me for who she still hangs around everyday, shes says NO. And makes some excuse about not giving into my bs... Its ridiculous. How can you expect to start a relationship with me when u wont even give up the dude u left me for!! And then two weeks later ur taken again. Wow guess i proved myself right, she didnt want to be with me! Thats what pisses me off, trying to play games with me, it just wont work. And for her to keep it up for that long shows shes such a selfish, horrible person. Makes me sick i fell for her... I coulda been a rebound for some other guy for all i know. B!tch......

 

Im going to go full nc and see where that takes me. I just REALLY hate being lonely but then again I refuse to lower my standards.

 

Actually, looking at my ex now, getting an upgrade isnt that hard. She barely cared or respected me. I may not get a girl as physically good looking as her and that pisses me off lol! But seriously, THIS relationship probably was meant to open my eyes and show me what i really wanted in a relationship. And that means finding someone who truly CARES about me, rather than someone who looks the best and has the biggest ass.

[Chi townD]

Well, hold your horses! I understand that you're lonely. Believe me, we've all been there. Pisses you off that she can have relationships and you're stuck with nothing. But here's the rub. Wait it out. Because if YOU'RE not ready to date, then you're not being fair to yourself and you're not being fair to the girl you date.

 

And dude, beauty is only skin deep. I understand that there has to be some physical attraction. But not every girl is going to have super model looks. What will blow you away is finding that girl that is attractive, but what's more important is that they know how to treat their man. That they know how to respect and cherish their relationship and has enough self respect to know that they deserve the same from their man.

 

I saw a picture once with a caption. And it was a picture of a beautiful blonde in a bikini and that caption said, " The reality of this is that there some guy out there that's sick and tired of her BS." So, moral of the story? It doesn't matter what she looks like, it's what she brings to the table that's important.

[radiodarcy]

You're both right. I blame myself for stringing this along for this long of time. I just hate being lonely, and the more i look for love the more it runs from me... Its damn near impossible to not look for the thing u want most! But thats currently were im at. And previously, after about a month I would get lonely and accept being her friend... Which always turns into a mistake.

 

So after seeing her brand new relationship on fb yesterday i blocked her so I wouldnt even have to see that. Its just down right pathetic to me that she would tell me all this ***** two weeks ago, and i didnt buy it because she wasnt actually DOING anything, it was all he words. "Oh i love u, i miss u, lets try it again". Yet when i ask her to get rid of her ex, the guy she left me for who she still hangs around everyday, shes says NO. And makes some excuse about not giving into my bs... Its ridiculous. How can you expect to start a relationship with me when u wont even give up the dude u left me for!! And then two weeks later ur taken again. Wow guess i proved myself right, she didnt want to be with me! Thats what pisses me off, trying to play games with me, it just wont work. And for her to keep it up for that long shows shes such a selfish, horrible person. Makes me sick i fell for her... I coulda been a rebound for some other guy for all i know. B!tch......

 

Im going to go full nc and see where that takes me. I just REALLY hate being lonely but then again I refuse to lower my standards.

 

Actually, looking at my ex now, getting an upgrade isnt that hard. She barely cared or respected me. I may not get a girl as physically good looking as her and that pisses me off lol! But seriously, THIS relationship probably was meant to open my eyes and show me what i really wanted in a relationship. And that means finding someone who truly CARES about me, rather than someone who looks the best and has the biggest ass.

 

dont get me wrong. being alone sucks. like you - - i put up with similar treatment out of fear of being alone. but after a few months of NC, i realized that i would rather deal with the loneliness than put up with being dangled on a string.

 

i recently started dating again and since then i have realized that there are so many other guys out there who i have way more in common with and will treat me 50 times better than my ex ever did.

 

i still haven't met anyone. but after taking the time to focus on myself and see what else is around, i realize i'm just fine on my own. these days, i wonder why i ever put up with my ex as long as i did. and over time, you will ask yourself the same question - - it sounds like you already have

 

looks are looks. and they fade over time anyway. just focus on yourself for now. once you do that, you'll be in a better position to find someone who deserves and appreciates you for who you are. and that's more valuable as to whether or not she looks like a victoria's secret model

Edited November 29, 2011 by radiodarcy

[shawn923]

Yea i am starting to think about why i put up with it for so long. I guess im just scared of being alone. That and i dont often date, im just really picky its not my style to date... But ive gone thru this NC thing with her numerous times so im able to handle my emotions better now. For example my thoughts on her went from the sad, broken hearted stage to the hate stage in about a day. I no longer get emotional, even when i imagine her and her bf having sex or somethin. I just get mad and look at her like little ass kid that has no idea where shes going in life. Im trying my best not to sound bitter, but shes just the type of female thats never going to be happy. I know damn well i did everything a man could do for a woman for her, and she threw it all away, and spat on it by rebounding within weeks... Smh. Pisses me off that she possibly never loved me to begin with. Maybe she was just used to all the attention i fed her. Either way, shes just an extremely selfish person that didnt give a rats ass about me and my emotions. Me crying every night did NOTHING but feed this b!tch's ego, knowing i wanted her... I seriously cant imagine her falling happily ever after with ANY guy, off the simple fact that i already have done EVERYTHING guy can do to make her happy, and it wasnt enough. NO other guys is gonna do the stupid things i did to show her how much i cared. Therefore i honestly think shes going to live a hard life playing like that... All im saying is u cant upgrade from 100%...

 

Sorry for the little rant, just had to get some angry thoughts out of my head. This is all the stuff i want her to know but forget it, im certainly not gonna break NC just to stoop to her level and argue some more. Never have never will. What i will do is continue on FULL NC, and use this time to best forget about her and try to open myself up to better girls. Ill consider this relationship as a "test", as i now know exactly what i want in my next relationship!

 

 

Theres over 2 billion women on earth... At least ONE has to be my soulmate!

Edited December 1, 2011 by shawn923