maryslamb Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 do you believe that break ups make you stronger as a person? Because I feel like hell and its day 10 .. And i dont see how something so devastating, can halp in the long run
jsd43953 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Mary, I guess the answer depends on teh person. I too am on day 10 and i am thinking to myself am I going to get stronger or is this feelings going to loom. In essence when you are alone you have no choice but to find strength to fight to live a normal healthy life so yes it will make you stronger. Also will give you more confidence and self -esteem once you make it up over the mountain. Right now we are both in pain it sucks. Nobody as for pain but I have been hearing lately that sometimes you have to be broken down to be built back up. Keep your head up and keep posting just let it out, that is what I am doing. You can find my F'd up situation below: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t306193/
ChelseaLS Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 do you believe that break ups make you stronger as a person? Because I feel like hell and its day 10 .. And i dont see how something so devastating, can halp in the long run I fully believe they do as long as you are proactive in dealing with the break up. I believe it is important to reflect on why the relationship ended... not just the obvious top issue, but all the underlying issues that built up as well. And work towards goals of bettering yourself. Breakups let you deliberate on what you want and don't want in your next relationship. What you are willing to put up with and what you aren't. They help you see your mistakes and areas you can work on. 10 days is not a long time. Some people have said it took them a week to just get out of bed after a break up. Myself... I threw up for 2 days (weird). Be positive and try to pick out the positive in the break up (I know thats hard to do). For myself, I find the positive being that it happened now instead of an additional 6 years down the road. I am happy that this breakup has reminded me of who I am. I am happy that I risked the hurt to love, even if it ended (for how would I ever know real love if I hadn't felt pain). I am happy the lessons I have learned in the relationship and from the break up, the areas I need improvement.
Author maryslamb Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 I broke down today and contcated the ex. I texted him and asked if we could talk? his response " not right now" i responded and asked when is a good time? he said in a hour. Im hoping to get answers about where i stand? are we moving on? i feel like I cant move on from this until I know. Im at work right now, and cant focus on anything but him. Damn it hurts so bad.. Im trying not to be a wreck at work. My eyes are red, my face is puffy.
ChelseaLS Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 I broke down today and contcated the ex. I texted him and asked if we could talk? his response " not right now" i responded and asked when is a good time? he said in a hour. Im hoping to get answers about where i stand? are we moving on? i feel like I cant move on from this until I know. Im at work right now, and cant focus on anything but him. Damn it hurts so bad.. Im trying not to be a wreck at work. My eyes are red, my face is puffy. How long have you guys been apart? And how long were you dating for?
Author maryslamb Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 Its been 10 days since weve been apart. 10 days since the break up and I moved out. And we were together for almost 2 1/2 years
M2155 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Gaining experience in life and thus being wiser makes one stronger. Yes. And better understanding of yourself, what you need and what you are willing to accept.
Author maryslamb Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 So I spoke with the ex... and lets say he basically made me feel like ****... I have 3 hours to go at work and not sure how im going to make it
ChelseaLS Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 So I spoke with the ex... and lets say he basically made me feel like ****... I have 3 hours to go at work and not sure how im going to make it Why are you taking with the ex? It just reopens the wound.
Author maryslamb Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 I spoke with him to see where we stood.. I wanted to see if I should just move on with my life, or if we can work it out. Well he blamed me for thr entire relationship. Over very petty issues. Was very cold to be, and stated we need a break. Im glad I closure, but I feel like I had to contact him eventually. When he put me out his home we didnt have any conversation.
nature Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Maryslamb...I'm so sorry for your pain. But please take it from someone with experience. When he says "you need a break' that means you are broken up, he doesn't want to be with you, but is saying "a break" to keep you hanging on in case he changes his mind and wants to come back. It is hurtful and it is wrong to say to someone. Either you are together and you work thru things together, or you are broken up. If he is treating you coldly and being cruel, you need to accept this as the end. For yourself. You need to tell him it is over. Take the power back. Tell him you do not believe in breaks, nor will you be treated this way, and that it is over. Enough of this wishy washy stuff that is leaving you hoping. Hoping so much that you contacted him to see where you stand. Where you stand is he broke up with you. He asked you to move out. That means it is over. But he throws little bits of crumbs at you by calling it a break, so that you will stay hanging on while he dates others and gets out there. It's wrong and you need to muster up your self esteem, take the power back, take your dignity back, and tell him to f*ck himself. Enough. Done is done. You need to say with yourself that as a dignified woman, you will not accept this bullsh*t from anyone. No man who loves a woman treats them like this. I'm sorry. They just don't. A man will go to the ends of the earth for a woman he loves. This is just the truth. You are still in denial and he's keeping you in denial because it's a big power tripping ego stroke for him. Enough of the denial. Enough of stroking his ego. He is just one man out of zillions on this planet. You are not going to let him ruin you. F him. YOU take the power back and YOU tell him you will not accept this and YOU are done with him. No more self pity, no more denial, no more accepting this bullsh*t. Stand up for yourself no matter how much it hurts. SEnding you hugs.
mike588 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Maryslamb...I'm so sorry for your pain. But please take it from someone with experience. When he says "you need a break' that means you are broken up, he doesn't want to be with you, but is saying "a break" to keep you hanging on in case he changes his mind and wants to come back. It is hurtful and it is wrong to say to someone. Either you are together and you work thru things together, or you are broken up. If he is treating you coldly and being cruel, you need to accept this as the end. For yourself. You need to tell him it is over. Take the power back. Tell him you do not believe in breaks, nor will you be treated this way, and that it is over. Enough of this wishy washy stuff that is leaving you hoping. Hoping so much that you contacted him to see where you stand. Where you stand is he broke up with you. He asked you to move out. That means it is over. But he throws little bits of crumbs at you by calling it a break, so that you will stay hanging on while he dates others and gets out there. It's wrong and you need to muster up your self esteem, take the power back, take your dignity back, and tell him to f*ck himself. Enough. Done is done. You need to say with yourself that as a dignified woman, you will not accept this bullsh*t from anyone. No man who loves a woman treats them like this. I'm sorry. They just don't. A man will go to the ends of the earth for a woman he loves. This is just the truth. You are still in denial and he's keeping you in denial because it's a big power tripping ego stroke for him. Enough of the denial. Enough of stroking his ego. He is just one man out of zillions on this planet. You are not going to let him ruin you. F him. YOU take the power back and YOU tell him you will not accept this and YOU are done with him. No more self pity, no more denial, no more accepting this bullsh*t. Stand up for yourself no matter how much it hurts. SEnding you hugs. I couldn't of said it any better!!
Author maryslamb Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 Thank you all.... I came home and cried in my moms arms.. I'm just trying to cope right now. When I spoke to him, he couldn't even point out anything major. Everything was all small issues which could of easily got addressed. He dominated the convo by blaming me for everything, made me feel like ****, by telling me I should have appreciated him more, but now I'm back home , and I have no vehicle. (He took back the car that he bought for me) Said I got to comfortable in the relationship .. and he did as well. But when I pointed that out to him be said well that's why the break is taking place. I did everything this man asked me and more. But its never enough. I always worked nights. And he stated he goes to sleep early, and when I come home he's tired. So I went to days. During the convo tonight said 'i can't even get a decent breakfast' I stated that's because I work during the day. Said that's besiades the point, insisting he needs a change. Now, I have to start healing, and fixing myself. The last time we had a break up, I lost weight, and just looked skeletor. I'm trying to force myself to eat, such I don't lose the weight. It felt good to cry in my moms arms. She gave me a sense of everything will be ok. And I hope it will...
mike588 Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Thank you all.... I came home and cried in my moms arms.. I'm just trying to cope right now. When I spoke to him, he couldn't even point out anything major. Everything was all small issues which could of easily got addressed. He dominated the convo by blaming me for everything, made me feel like ****, by telling me I should have appreciated him more, but now I'm back home , and I have no vehicle. (He took back the car that he bought for me) Said I got to comfortable in the relationship .. and he did as well. But when I pointed that out to him be said well that's why the break is taking place. I did everything this man asked me and more. But its never enough. I always worked nights. And he stated he goes to sleep early, and when I come home he's tired. So I went to days. During the convo tonight said 'i can't even get a decent breakfast' I stated that's because I work during the day. Said that's besiades the point, insisting he needs a change. Now, I have to start healing, and fixing myself. The last time we had a break up, I lost weight, and just looked skeletor. I'm trying to force myself to eat, such I don't lose the weight. It felt good to cry in my moms arms. She gave me a sense of everything will be ok. And I hope it will... He tells/ does to you: He cant get a decent breakfeast Takes back the car he bought for you Blames you for everything Makes you feel like sh*t You should of appreciated him more He needs a change I think YOU need a change!! Why are you "fixing" yourself for this guy, be yourself. Sounds like he needs to appreciate you!!!!
CopingGal Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Break ups make you stronger, but it's only been 10 days for you. It takes way, way long to feel better, maybe about 20 more days or more. Do constructive things with your time, volunteer. Help people who need help and you will feel better.
Author maryslamb Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 I just want to post random thoughts and messages. To stop myself from contacting the ex. I want to text him, and say I love , I miss u.. and I'm broken with out you. Today starts my day 1 of NC Or I just want to tell him how miserable I am without him. Text him and say, I feel heartless. I need you in my life I want to let him know so bad. That I care
Author maryslamb Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 If I don't find something to do in the next 20 minutes. I'm going to text him and ask why don't he love me anymore? We don't need a break, I want to come back and I love you.. I can't stop the tears. I feel so devastated
silly_panda Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 It's too early... You both need time for yourself alone... You will only hurt yourself more and you will not get what you wan... You will only push him further away... But I guess you had already made that phone call... I know it's hard for you... It was never easy for anyone... But please just stay strong... Give yourself sometime... Be strong...
Author maryslamb Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 It's too early... You both need time for yourself alone... You will only hurt yourself more and you will not get what you wan... You will only push him further away... But I guess you had already made that phone call... I know it's hard for you... It was never easy for anyone... But please just stay strong... Give yourself sometime... Be strong... No, I haven't called or texted yet. Thank you silly Panda. I will try to stay strong
Teuen101 Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 I'm a happy person alone, I never even looked for a relationship however this one just happend. sure it hurts, but the one thing I've learned is I gotta be me no one effects me but me. I enabled my ex I gave and loved 120% thats my fault, I'll never enable some one like that again, I will always forgive but never again will I let some one run over my heart like a racetack, I'm a kind giving person, when I love some one there isn't a thing in the world I'd hold back from. However now looking back on things I can see if I would been stronger in areas, I wouldn't be hurt..I let some one hurt me and I didn't stand my ground and say..sorry this isnt right and I can't do this.. it wont happen again.
Eve Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 In the past I have considered it completely pointless to be with someone who I did not want to be with and so yes, break ups are necessary and can make a person stronger in the long run. Sorry you are hurting but it will pass. I reckon if a couple are supposed to be together they will overcome whatever is in the way, hence I don't worry about things as such. You either get each other or you don't. Don't waste time on any inbetween state, I say... but that's me. I am very cold about such things and don't quite understand those who go on about feeling lots of pain when they break up. Usually it is for the best otherwise the relationship would be one sided. Who wants that? In my mind, setting someone free to find what's right for them is a brave thing to do. Take care, Eve x
Author maryslamb Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 I hope I'm not being a nuessance by Posting.. but its the only thing I can do to avoid contacting the ex. Just an update. I did not contact the ex yesterday. So today is day 2 of N/c Yesterday when I woke up, I cried and cried and cried. Until one of my friends happened to call and asked if I wanted to come out. I said sure. So I spent the entire day out yersterday and it really helped. We went to a live taping of a show foced on 3 men who spke out their relationship. And there we're marriage cousoler there as well to give advice. Was an interesting show. Today. I haven't cried. Woke up feeling a little better..
fredrickhsalas Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 do you believe that break ups make you stronger as a person? Because I feel like hell and its day 10 .. And i dont see how something so devastating, can halp in the long run I think Yes..although at first it is hard but it make's you more stronger...because you already know in what part you must put more attention if in the future you will have a new relationship.
lolita jade Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 look up about the 180 plan. You dont contact them at all and move on with your life. Making you the best you can be. go out and mix with friends, keep fit and start to enjoy life. You will become independant and he will want you again. If you do see him. act like the person he would want to be with, happy and fun. The idea of this is to a) get your life back on track and b) he may fancy you again. Men don't like needy girls and by begging, apologising, trying to meet, keep phoning or texting etc you will push him away. I know the hard way. I aparantly pushed my separated husband into a new relationship. No contact hurts like crazy but contacting him hurts even more as it reminds you he doesnt want you. Be strong and focus on you. love yourself for a while and get some new clothes if you can afford it
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