GG3 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 How many of your feel that your partner is supposed to "make you happy?" My boyfriend is about to go to counseling and it's the first thing he wants to talk about. Over the years, I have noticed he is always unhappy about a mental list of things he wants me to do or change. When we first got serious I did them because I thought he would reciprocate. Six months to a year later, those things I did didn't mean anything anymore and then there was a different list. I realized he would always do that, so I don't do these things anymore. Well moreso because he would not do anything for me that I wanted. I would rather spend that time doing things for myself since he doesn't reciprocate. Some of these things on the list are me learning to swim, take a cruise (I'm clausterphobic), etc. One time it was because I wouldn't flash ppl. (he was watching exhibitionist porn at the time.) In his mind, he REALLY thinks that he will be happy if I do things. I think he has depression issues and he needs to be happy on his own. Does anyone else here think this way? Your SO should "make you happy?" By the way I treat him well. Never cheated, help pay for things, am nice, etc. I'm a nice person.
Author GG3 Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 I forgot to add some of the things he wants would make me unhappy, such as taking a cruise and that's why i won't do them. I'm very anxious and would spend the whole time nervous on the ship and he isn't the nurturing type who can help me with that. But he won't move on from that. I asked several times last year let's fly to the Bahamas for a week. Nope he wants a cruise.
oaks Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 How many of your feel that your partner is supposed to "make you happy?" I'd like to think that I'm already happy on entering the relationship, so my partner isn't there to make me become happy. I would be great if she does things that I find pleasing (and I'd like to be able to do the same in return) otherwise what's the point of being in a relationship? I've been doing some online dating... and I see lots of profiles where the woman says that she's "looking for someone to make me happy", to which I often think "That sounds like a lot of pressure. I only want to date happy people, not unhappy ones" while I'm clicking 'Next'. Maybe they mean "I want to find someone with whom I can be happy" which is fine and healthy.
primer Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 You have to take care of yourself - maintain your own happiness. That is not being selfish. You are a nice person. He should respect and appreciate that. I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I can sort of relate. Don't forget about #1 - that's you. I don't expect my SO to make me happy - but I do expect him to respect my likes and dislikes.
serial muse Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Yeah, that way lies danger. I think it's a red flag, as oaks said, when someone says "I want my SO to make me happy." It's a lot of responsibility, especially because - as you outlined in your OP - happiness is generally a moving target. Checking things off a list isn't really going to make him happy; it's a state of mind, not a fulfilled checklist. He's not taking responsibility for his own happiness, but he's the only one who really can. That's worrisome.
carhill Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 How many of your feel that your partner is supposed to "make you happy?" I expect, when loving someone, to share my happiness with them and show them, in actions and words, the love I feel for them. If that isn't their style, then down the road we go, separately.
Imajerk17 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Out of curiosity GG3, what attracted you to this guy in the first place? Your boyfriend sounds like a loser, to be blunt....
grkBoy Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 I make myself happy in life. My fiance is an added bonus to my life. If you look to someone else to make you happy in life...then you'll be disappointed. My fiance brings me happiness, but it's up to me to be happy.
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