serial muse Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 I totally have this going through my head now after reading this thread.
Author spinaroonie Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 "I have a boyfriend" could mean one of 4 things. 1) I have a boyfriend and I'm in a happy commited relationship. 2) I have a boyfriend but I'm considering swinging branches. 3) I don't really have a boyfriend and you're interesting but I still don't know you all that well. I wanna see if you're really alpha so lemme see how you react to this. 4) I don't really have a boyfriend and I'm not interested in you. If it's #1 she would've made it clear early in the interaction. If it's #2 she's a low-down dirty ho. If it's #4 she wouldn't have given the digits at all. This is a clear example of #3. She gives me a **** test, I act unfazed and keep a dominant frame. I pass the test, she gives me her digits. Too many guys assume #4 and walk away with their tail between their legs. You should be able to get a good read on the girl from how your interaction goes. Recognize the difference between legit disinterest and a **** test. ABC - Always be Closing.
The Way I Am Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 @ Zengirl, USMC, and Star Gazer If we were talking about "I have a huband". I would agree with you. Women will never lie about that. lol. Wrong. My friends and I in the past used that a lot to get rid of men. When I about 20 and still worried about not hurting a guy's feelings or being "mean", I actually had a really nice ring I'd wear. I had it on the opposite hand so I wouldn't scare away guys I was interested in but slip into onto the wedding ring finger when I wanted to give one the brush off. We realized men were not getting that we were blowing them off by saying we had a boyfriend. They kept trying like it didn't matter. (Which made them less appealing than they had been.) We started saying we were engaged or married, because it was easier to get rid of those guys.
dasein Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 I actually had a really nice ring I'd wear. I had it on the opposite hand so I wouldn't scare away guys I was interested in but slip into onto the wedding ring finger when I wanted to give one the brush off. We realized men were not getting that we were blowing them off by saying we had a boyfriend. They kept trying like it didn't matter. (Which made them less appealing than they had been.) We started saying we were engaged or married, because it was easier to get rid of those guys. Did you ever meet an interesting guy while wearing the ring? If so how did you deal with it? Did you ever put the ring on and take it off later? I have heard this about fake rings, it's a whole other kind of jerk test that men need to be aware of. There is a waitress at a place I eat at all the time who usually wears a ring. I know for a fact she likes me, and not just in the way waitresses are nice to customers. Have been going there several years. Many times, when she is waiting on me, the ring disappears. Later when I am leaving, the ring has come back somehow LOL. There is another woman who works at the gym. She sometimes has a ring on and sometimes not. Sometimes she wears makeup while working and during these times she never has the ring on. I have wondered if she has some guy she is interested in, and knows his workout schedule, but doesn't want attention from gym members otherwise.
Star Gazer Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 How about when wondering what goes on when approaching women, you listen to MEN who actually approach women. We're not talking about "what happens when men approach women," we're talking about what WOMEN mean when WOMEN SAY "I have a BF" to you.
Woggle Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 It either means she is not interested or she actually does have a boyfriend. Either way I am not interested after that.
The Way I Am Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Did you ever meet an interesting guy while wearing the ring? If so how did you deal with it? Did you ever put the ring on and take it off later? As I said, I wore it on the opposite hand - or sometimes the non-wedding ring finger on the same hand. I'd only switch it over when there was I guy I wanted to get rid of. If I happened to have it on the wedding ring finger and there was a cute guy, I'd discretely switch it. Guys didn't seem to pay attention to rings unless they're pointed out. At least I never had anyone say "wasn't that on your other finger before?" I have heard this about fake rings, it's a whole other kind of jerk test that men need to be aware of. lol. It's not a jerk test. It's a way to blow off guys "nicely". There is a waitress at a place I eat at all the time who usually wears a ring. I know for a fact she likes me, and not just in the way waitresses are nice to customers. Have been going there several years. Many times, when she is waiting on me, the ring disappears. Later when I am leaving, the ring has come back somehow LOL. If it were a test, she would be leaving it on whether she's interested in you or not. It's a way to keep guys from hitting on her. Not a challenge to see who's "manly enough" to ignore it and hit on her the most.
USMCHokie Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Did you ever meet an interesting guy while wearing the ring? If so how did you deal with it? Did you ever put the ring on and take it off later? I have heard this about fake rings, it's a whole other kind of jerk test that men need to be aware of. There is a waitress at a place I eat at all the time who usually wears a ring. I know for a fact she likes me, and not just in the way waitresses are nice to customers. Have been going there several years. Many times, when she is waiting on me, the ring disappears. Later when I am leaving, the ring has come back somehow LOL. There is another woman who works at the gym. She sometimes has a ring on and sometimes not. Sometimes she wears makeup while working and during these times she never has the ring on. I have wondered if she has some guy she is interested in, and knows his workout schedule, but doesn't want attention from gym members otherwise. Wow...I have neither the time nor the inclination to deal with this nonsense. And if this behavior is any reflection of her character and personality, I think I'm doing myself a favor by steering clear...if she acts like this now, who knows how she'll act if we were to actually date...
dasein Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 We're not talking about "what happens when men approach women," we're talking about what WOMEN mean when WOMEN SAY "I have a BF" to you. ...and what WOMEN mean is something YOU don't know. You may know what YOU mean, but YOU aren't WOMEN. The only way to begin to know what a WOMAN means when she says "I have a BF" is to hear it 100 times or so and then see what THEY do or say next.
dasein Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Wow...I have neither the time nor the inclination to deal with this nonsense. And if this behavior is any reflection of her character and personality, I think I'm doing myself a favor by steering clear...if she acts like this now, who knows how she'll act if we were to actually date... Expecting total consistency or complete honesty these days from strangers when meeting forecloses lots of opportunities with people who aren't necessarily defective or immoral. High horse, get off it.
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 I say don't worry about it. When she starts feeling uncomfortable she'll let you know...otherwise it's all fair game. Who cares if she's cheating on her boyfriend with you? It sure beats the alternative. Playing by the "rules" is a sure fire way to be a loser.
USMCHokie Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Expecting total consistency or complete honesty these days from strangers when meeting forecloses lots of opportunities with people who aren't necessarily defective or immoral. High horse, get off it. Quality expects quality. And it's only a high horse if you feel like you are looking up from below.
Cracker Jack Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 A woman told me "just be yourself" and that turned out wrong. A woman told me "looks aren't as important to women" and that turned out wrong. A woman told me "always be a gentleman, open doors, pull out chairs" and that turned out wrong. A woman told me "women respond well to kindness and sincerity" and that turned out wrong. A woman told me "sending flowers is a good way to impress a woman" and that turned out wrong. A woman told me "having long talks is a great way to get to know a woman" and that turned out wrong. A woman told me "tell a woman how you really feel" and that turned out wrong. A woman told me "good women don't have sex until they are married" and that turned out wrong. A woman told me "showering a woman with attention builds attraction" and that turned out wrong. A woman told me "women aren't as sexual as men" and that turned out wrong. The women who told me these things were well-meaning, trying to help. They had only the best intentions, are women I love(d) who love me. They were still wrong. Men should seek dating advice from men who are successful in dating and women should seek advice from women who are successful in dating. If you want to be a lion tamer, take lessons from a lion tamer, not the lion. I laughed real hard at this post because of how true it is. I lost count of how many times I've seen a woman give that line to someone, but as the convo continued, still ended up giving the guy her # regardless, because she thinks he's a cool guy. It all depends on the situation. Anyway, if I was fed the bf line, I'd just keep it moving. I wouldn't care enough to find out if it's true or not.
Ilovewater Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 (edited) If a guy pushed for my number even when I told him "I have a boyfriend" (doesn't matter if it's a lie or not), I would think he's a creep and has no morals since he doesn't seem to mind meddling in someone else's relationship. No, it's not cute, and it won't make me like you more. At least for me, no means no. I would be extremely irritated if I have to say that more than once. Edited November 12, 2011 by Ilovewater
oaks Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Some differing views in this thread... so I'm guessing that the women who say "I have a boyfriend" when they mean "please step up your game" are under-represented in this forum; they aren't in need of dating advice. It still makes no sense to me, but then I don't expect to understand everything.
binny Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 (edited) lol. Wrong. My friends and I in the past used that a lot to get rid of men. When I about 20 and still worried about not hurting a guy's feelings or being "mean", I actually had a really nice ring I'd wear. I had it on the opposite hand so I wouldn't scare away guys I was interested in but slip into onto the wedding ring finger when I wanted to give one the brush off. We realized men were not getting that we were blowing them off by saying we had a boyfriend. They kept trying like it didn't matter. (Which made them less appealing than they had been.) We started saying we were engaged or married, because it was easier to get rid of those guys. I've also used the line "I have a boyfriend" to get rid of men without hurting their feelings. I don't know any woman who uses the line "I have a boyfriend" as a test.. it just doesn't make any sense to me! Have you contacted the girl? Would be interesting to hear whether she answers the phone and you get a date with her. I'm genuinely curious as to whether any girl would really use this line as a "test"! Edited November 12, 2011 by binny .
blondike Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 (edited) It's soo funny that the men and women are seeing this differently. Anyway, the line she said, "I have to go with my friend." means she's not interested. I have used it before. If I think a guy is cute, I would be annoyed my friend is even standing around me, like move so I can chat this guy up. I would be annoyed by the competition. If I think a guy is a creep, I'll begg my girlfriend not to leave me. lol If she does want to do anything, I'll be like "Yes!" and tell him i need to leave. Then again, she gave you her number so that's a good sign. No guy I didn't think was cute would ever get my number so maybe she was interested. Then, she says she has a bf. Yeah, she could be telling the truth. I've never told the truth with this one. I've been like, "Oops, I have a bf" and scooting away even when I didn't have one. I also don't like when a guy pushes me on it because it just shows he's desperate and not getting that I'm not interested at all. It makes me think he's really not paying that much attention to me if he can't tell the difference. No guy I've ever been interested in was that desperate for a girl. It's very ego centric really. Edited November 12, 2011 by blondike
Cracker Jack Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Personally, while "I have a bf" is enough for me to leave her alone, I'd be fine if she simply told me said she "wasn't interested" as well.
counterman Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Yeah, I wouldn't care if she told me straight that she wasn't interested...If a girl tells me she has a boyfriend, I'll automatically move on. It's either she has one or she isn't interested. If it's a test, I think that's pretty stupid. I don't care if I've "lost the competition". If a girl feels the need to test me or anyone else, she's probably not worth it.
sweetjasmine Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 When I about 20 and still worried about not hurting a guy's feelings or being "mean", I actually had a really nice ring I'd wear. I had it on the opposite hand so I wouldn't scare away guys I was interested in but slip into onto the wedding ring finger when I wanted to give one the brush off. I used to do something similar when my SO and I were long distance and I was in a large city by myself. If I went out alone for a meal or out to a bar with a few friends, I'd sometimes wear the ring he gave me on my left hand instead of my right because it was much less likely for people to approach me when I did that. If a guy pushed for my number even when I told him "I have a boyfriend" (doesn't matter if it's a lie or not), I would think he's a creep and has no morals since he doesn't seem to mind meddling in someone else's relationship. No, it's not cute, and it won't make me like you more. At least for me, no means no. I would be extremely irritated if I have to say that more than once. I've had this happen, and it really is extremely irritating. I definitely lose respect for people who do this.
Cracker Jack Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Yeah, I wouldn't care if she told me straight that she wasn't interested...If a girl tells me she has a boyfriend, I'll automatically move on. It's either she has one or she isn't interested. If it's a test, I think that's pretty stupid. I don't care if I've "lost the competition". If a girl feels the need to test me or anyone else, she's probably not worth it. Couldn't agree more.
dasein Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 The main message to be taken from this thread is that many women have no hesitation at all to lie outright to men in the approaching and meeting process. If they will lie about a BF as a brushoff, or screen, or even wear a ring, then they are capable of lying about most anything. It's up to the individual man to decide whether that behavior is over his ethical/moral line or not.
sweetjasmine Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 The main message to be taken from this thread is that many women have no hesitation at all to lie outright to men in the approaching and meeting process. If they will lie about a BF as a brushoff, or screen, or even wear a ring, then they are capable of lying about most anything. It's up to the individual man to decide whether that behavior is over his ethical/moral line or not. Yes, I have no hesitation in lying a bit to people who I have no desire to interact with in situations where I'm alone. I'm a petite female, and creepers love to target women my size. It's physically threatening to have a drunk older tall man on the subway ask you where you live and whether you're single, so, yes, I'm going to f-ing lie about it and get away from said person as quickly as I can. Sue me. I've worn a ring because it increases the chances that people will leave me alone when I want to be left alone. I'm sorry if I hurt the feelings of people who think that strangers automatically owe them a conversation. I just get tired of people not respecting my wishes to be left alone. I once had a man follow me around in public after having approached me twice in an attempt to start a conversation and receiving silence in response. He even held out his hand to shake mine, and I didn't take it. Both times, after talking to me (or rather, at me), he backed off about 30 feet and watched me. When my alarm bells went off and I started to leave, he got up and followed me. When I stopped to sit next to another person on a bench for a second, he stopped and watched. When I started moving again, he started moving. If I can avoid situations like that by wearing a ring, I'll wear the g-ddamn ring. And, no, it doesn't mean that "they are capable of lying about most anything." If that's true, then you must also be capable of lying about anything because I'm sure you've lied in the past.
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 I've often wondered if maybe I should start wearing a ring and see if women start approaching and pursuing me. Perhaps it's time for an experiment.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Building on what Dasein had to say, If women do lie about things like having a BF and even a husband.... then men who decide to try a push past that objection are not doing the wrong thing. Relationships, other than marriage, are ill defined, and ephemeral. As has been pointed out a woman who says she has a BF could mean anything from a real live in together for years even have children with eachother "boy friend" (almost common law husband); to a man she likes and wants to have as a BF or has dated off and on. Those really stable BF GF relationships are not that common. They either break up or get engaged and then married. The more unstable, unsure, BF GF relationship is just way more likely. TL;DR Everytime a man approaches a woman he's rolling the dice. Like a salesman at a car lot, you need to go through ten no's to get a yes. Like a salesman anywhere you need to overcome initial hesitations and soft "no" to get to that 1/10 who can say yes. Just like we think that car salesmen are a bit scummy...well a man has to be about that assertive to close a sale.
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