Veryconfused12345 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Hi Everyone, I just have to say that I'm so happy to have found this forum, it's provided a lot of comfort in this very tumultuous time so I can't thank everyone enough for their posts/reassurances. It's been a few weeks since everything fell apart in my 2 year relationship with the man I thought I would get married to. I'm really struggling and have found I'm getting increasingly anxious/shaky/panicked, especially in the morning. It's that adrenaline kick you feel when you're about to go on stage or something and it's absolutely devastating. I have worked through what I could have done differently in the relationship, what he could have done differently and what his issues are, how to move forward, etc. But the one thing I can't seem to overcome is the sheer sense of panick that I've lost this relationship-I can't concentrate, can't eat or sleep, and feel like the only thing that will ever take away this burden is if he realizes he's made a mistake and comes back. Has anyone experienced not just sadness but extreme anxiety? If so, are there any ways of overcoming this? I feel like nothing will ever be good again. Thanks so much
geegirl Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Panic and anxiety was the worst for me in the morning. Especially when I opened my eyes. It was like a sledgehammer the moment I woke up. It's the reality dawning on you as you awake and as you start to slowly grasp the reality of what's happening in your life and that is the loss of this man, your dreams and your relationship. It's completely normal. A break-up is like a death. You're feeling grief for the loss of your dreams, the loss of love, the loss of life with him, etc. It is normal to feel like it's all over. What helped me was that the moment I opened my eyes, and the moment I felt my heart race and the blood draining from my body and the difficulty to breathe, I would force myself to get up. I would turn on the radio, sing along or listen to a talk show, go to my closet and look for what to wear, jump in the shower and function. That would help distract me and help me focus on the tasks at hand. When you stay idle, you allow the panic and anxiety to take over. You have to stop the progression of those feelings by thinking and focusing elsewhere. Even if it's in the middle of the day and you feel it coming, practise breathing techniques. Thought stop. Take long deep breaths and talk to yourself, in a consoling manner. Tell yourself it is all going to be okay and breathe. Stop the bad thoughts by then thinking of something else. Put the music on, read a book, go for a walk or exercise, take up a hobby that will keep you occupied, learn a language, anything to divert you. Focus away from what is bringing you down. When you don't control your thoughts, they will grow like weeds. When they grow like weeds, your anxiety and panic will take over. You have to learn to control your mind. Bad thought. Stop. Think of a good thought. Also, it's normal to want to analyze but it's not good to obsess. So, while there are times you may think much of the R and him, staying there too long will keep you stuck. Again, divert yourself. The only one that can take away the burdens of what you feel is you. It's a hard journey but your grief and your healing can only be done by you. He is what is causing you pain and he is what you believe can heal you. Understandable. The unfortunate part about that is he may not come back. All you can do is nurse your wounds and recover slowly but surely.
sunflower11 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 I feel the same way as geegirl...literally 2 seconds after opening my eyes I would feel this wave of pain when reality hit me..specially if I had been dreaming about him and the good times we had. My heart would start beating so fast, my stomach would be in a knot and I felt soo much pressure n my chest its horrible... My mom took me to this homeopathic doctor and i got some drops that I take morning, afternoon and night and they have helped a lot. The morning is still SOO difficult cause I wake up and stay in bed just thinking thinking thinking and that doesn't help me at all...so I try to just wake up and get out of bed and do something to keep me busy. I love tea so that also helps and my friends have recommended yoga and meditation as well was walking my dog in the afternoons to calm myself but being careful not to let my thoughts wander..
Yuzuki Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Definitely been there. As others have said the mornings were bad because for 1-2 seconds you feel okay and then reality hits you. It's like you haven't had the time to build up that barrier between you and the pain, so it hits you full force while you're unprepared. I see him in the canteen at work and sometimes I started shaking so badly I could barely hold anything in my hands. I remember trying to bring a glass of water to my mouth with both hands and it still almost fell back on the plate. That was really weird and scary so I stayed away for awhile. I've started going there again though and although it's certainly no fun, I don't feel that anxiety as badly anymore. Just hang in there.
KathyM Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Hi Everyone, I just have to say that I'm so happy to have found this forum, it's provided a lot of comfort in this very tumultuous time so I can't thank everyone enough for their posts/reassurances. It's been a few weeks since everything fell apart in my 2 year relationship with the man I thought I would get married to. I'm really struggling and have found I'm getting increasingly anxious/shaky/panicked, especially in the morning. It's that adrenaline kick you feel when you're about to go on stage or something and it's absolutely devastating. I have worked through what I could have done differently in the relationship, what he could have done differently and what his issues are, how to move forward, etc. But the one thing I can't seem to overcome is the sheer sense of panick that I've lost this relationship-I can't concentrate, can't eat or sleep, and feel like the only thing that will ever take away this burden is if he realizes he's made a mistake and comes back. Has anyone experienced not just sadness but extreme anxiety? If so, are there any ways of overcoming this? I feel like nothing will ever be good again. Thanks so much I've had actual performance anxiety that is very much like you've described. I've had to get up in front of hundreds of people on stage and perform very complicated musical arrangements, and that is enough to freak out even the most stable person. The adrenaline you experience makes it impossible to eat a few hours before a performance, causes shortness of breath, shaking, even nausea and feeling faint. I've had to hold it together and go on to perform regardless of these feelings. Relaxation techniques are what got me through those times, and is what is normally recommended for people suffering from anxiety. Read up on how to practice those techniques yourself. When you feel a wave of anxiety coming on, lie down, if possible, or sit down, close your eyes, picture yourself in a very relaxing scene, such as sitting on a warm beach, and concentrate on releasing the energy and stress from your body, starting from the top of your head, and then focusing on each body part in sequence, down to your toes, and feel the stress flowing out of your body. Practice that technique, even when you aren't feeling anxious, and it will help you to get over those symptoms. There is also an herbal lozenge you can put under your tongue to relax you during those times. You get it from a health food store. I can't remember the name of it at the moment, but it did help me when I had to perform. You may also want to consider seeing a counselor for a short time. I think it helps to talk out your feelings to a professional, and I'm sure they will have some suggestions on how to get past this. Relaxation techniques when you are feeling anxiety, and refocusing your attention onto positive things when you are feeling sad is the answer.
maryslamb Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Very confused, I just want to let you know , others are going through it as well. Including myself. I've never had a case of hyper ventilating. But I have experienced it now and a few other times, the ex and I broke up. Just like someone pointed out, you have to divert your attention, and distract yourself. A year ago I was speaking with a friend about my break up and she stated a comment , that I really grapsed on to. And she said when wver you feel the need to cry, just recite this to yourself. And its nothing major, its just a few simple words that calm me down. So today was day 10 that I've recited these words to myself. And it helps calm me down. Try to focus yourself on any one thing , that will put you at peace. Its hard, I know.. ill pray for us both... hugs
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