qwer1234 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 obviously how i'm currently acting isn't getting me anywhere, and is making me lose sleep over the issue - so any input would be greatly appreciated. first off - i've been 'seeing', which is probably quite a loose term here, this guy that i work with, who actually happens to live next door to me. he made it clear after we hooked up a few times that he is enjoying being single, and doesn't want a gf. it's hard for me to get him off my mind since i'm forced to see him on a daily basis at work, and even run into him from time to time in my neighbourhood. i treat him extremely well. i do care for him, and although he doesn't want a gf, i still believe that there should be some sort of mutual respect. when i'm with him, hes extremely affectionate, and it's almost like we are together. things were going well until the other night, i think things had just bottled up in me, and i got really quiet and started to get ready to leave his place. he asked a couple times if everything was okay, so i told him that sometimes he hurts my feelings. he said that he never wants to hurt anyone's feelings, ESPECIALLY mine. he said that he has a hard time verbalizing feelings, but he tries to show me that he cares by his actions. anyway, i knew that having this discussion was probably going to scare him off, or piss him off (it was 1am! not the best timing...). but, he reassured me that he understands where i'm coming from, and i'm not being ridiculous, and my feelings are warranted. he said that we should prob sit down and have a conversation about everything, when it's not 1am. so, i went home. feeling uneasy, but at least i had his reassurance. the next day at work (yesterday), we seemed to act normal (not talking about the situation, as we're in the workplace, and no one knows). i figured that him and i would probably talk after work (seeing how we commute to the same place). after work, he tells me that he has made plans. so, i'm feeling more uneasy that we're leaving this issue open longer. i ask if we're okay. he says yes. he says "talk to you later?" and i said 'yes, that would be nice. msg me?" and hes like "ok". didn't hear from him. so, now its friday, and i definitely don't want to leave this issue over the weekend, as it's extremely bothering me. (i've only slept 2 hours bcuz i'm stressed over it). im just wondering how i should handle the situation. my initial feelings, probably out of hurt, is to make sure i run into him on the way to work so we have a bit before being in the workplace, so i can ask why he didn't msg me like he said he would. but then i wonder if bringing it up will push him away even more. i'm not delusional that i think i can MAKE him want to be my bf. i don't think that will change. i just want to continue to spend time with him, as i really do enjoy his company. but then i feel, if i don't bring things up, he will just act normal, like nothing has happened. work will finish, he'll say he has to meet a friend, so he wont be commuting with me, and then i'll stress out about whether or not i'm going to hear from him all weekend, and what he's up to. ive been told that if you just act like you don't care, and that they're not making an impact on you, it will make guys come to you more, bcuz its showing that you're not needy and that they could lose you. i've tried this with him. gone most of a week without making an effort with him. being polite, but not going out of my way. it didn't seem to make an impact on him at all. almost like whether or not we speak, doesn't phase him. any input would be greatly appreciated. will be leaving my house in an hour and dont know how to handle the situation
geegirl Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 (edited) He stated after you both "hooked" up a few times, that he does not want a girlfriend or relationship. You've already in been dumped in the "fun" box and nothing more. When you agreed to his terms, you should not be having any expectations of the emotional kind. The moment you get emotional, is the moment he steps back because he does not want to be involved that way nor does he want to deal with talks of emotions. It's just fun. He is evading you because he does not want to deal with emotions. He does not want to talk about feelings. This was strictly about hooking up. No emotions involved. How did he hurt you? You are already getting emotional. "You enjoy his company" is not enough to get yourself more entangled emotionally, especially knowing your feelings are not going to be reciprocated. Don't think you can entice him with your wonderful company, great sex, good conversations, etc. If you have to game play, you have your answer. It doesn't phase him when you ignore him because he is not emotional about you. You are just someone he hooks up with. You on the other hand are emotional and have expectations. Get out of this arrangement. Edited November 11, 2011 by geegirl
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