jobaba Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Cool. Sounds like it worked out. Any idea if the booze helped things along? Damn that's a long time. So you know my pain. In short, I could not have gotten her without the booze, because she was a semi-alcoholic. And a cute one too. Yes, it was a long time. Not all of it was spent proactively seeking women, but... See my thread from yesterday... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t306929/
Author somedude81 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 'Know' is in the intimate sense. People we know every day from casual interaction are a magnitude removed from those who are close friends or lovers. They're essentially familiar faces and names. I could name hundreds of people I 'know', none of whom I have a clue about regarding intimacy. If I were to 'hook up' with one, they'd be a familiar face and name with whom I had sex. In every way which matters, they'd still be a stranger, albeit a familiar one. That's a little too deep for me. You have the same 'problem' I did at your age, that you want to build a relationship from liking someone, getting to know them and feeling sexual about them as a result of that process. It's pretty clear. That's a relationship 'style'. The cadres of women you're meeting evidently don't have that style, rather more the 'hook up with a guy who makes them wet and then see how it goes' style. Once you meet a woman with a compatible style, all this angst will be long forgotten. Rather than boil your balls in frustration, why not just accept that the women you meet aren't compatible with your style and take proactive steps to meet others. Lose the venting and devote the energy to something more productive. You said it yourself. The women I meet don't have that style. And all the girls have been very different from each other. The whole point of my thread, is that I'm wondering if alcohol can be used to bridge the gap. What I did, back then, was save my money and start traveling the world. I figured, if my intrinsic style was unattractive locally, perhaps a wider audience might have a different perception. Bingo. Your path will be your own. I still got a year of school left before I can go anywhere. And I have no desire to waste another year on celibacy.
dasein Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Somedude.. this post is rather..ummm pathetic... Grow a set What a crock, just because some inexperienced guy sees the social realities of sex and alcohol at play on his college campus and wonders if he should try to involve alcohol in his socializing doesn't justify the treatment he's received in this thread. The OP is plainly not a rapist in the making. If anything, OP, let this thread be a lesson to you in the Inquisition level of scrutiny young men today get in conducting their social lives. Realize that the world we live in is far from a sane one, and that insanity is directed point blank at men. Know you have a target painted on your chest and how to real with that completely shi-ty reality.
hermie1234 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Actually as long as she isn't super wasted this has been true, she may have liked you all along but was shy, sounds kind of bad but its nto completely untrue. Two of my long term relationships started with a drunk makeout session.
little_black_dress Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 alcohol can give the illusion that the man sitting close by has a more symmetrical face. there are atricles on google, although i dont know if they are true. i dont drink much.
Grinder88 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 To hook up takes only two things...confidence and a loss of inhibitions. If you are like the average person, you probably have a little bit of a confidence issue and find it hard to through caution to the wind. Thats when people turn to the "magic serum" also known as "liquid courage". Alcohol helps give a sense of confidence, and lets a person cut loose and do things that they normally wouldn't even consider. But if youre like me you just don't need alcohol, you are already the best there is
jobaba Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I still got a year of school left before I can go anywhere. And I have no desire to waste another year on celibacy. You can do it man. You have to go balls out. Talk to some women and come back here with stories. I want to hear them.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 As someone who has relied on more than her fair share of liquid courage, I've been known to- - chase after the hot guys ( the ones I would never approach when I'm sober) - dance/grind seductively - act like a fool - threw out my gut Only the really insecure girls would fall for the trick of sleeping with a stranger while intoxicated. The smart girls bring their friends along to watch over them at the end of the night.
Teknoe Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Teknoe completely annoys me. Thankfully he hasn't posted in this thread, I hope I didn't just jynx it. That's because I don't pat you on the back and kiss your butt when it's clear you're on a path of self-destruction. Also I am not your regular anonymous poster on LoveShack. I remember things you say from several months ago and can call you on that. You like it when posters stay fairly anonymous and in the background. If they don't know you're 30, all the better. I know more about you SD than you'll care to publicly admit. *GASP* I come dangerously too close to being a real life acquaintance that tries to keep you accountable -- in other words, I invite/challenge CHANGE in your life and that's too close for comfort. You call this annoying. Well, you ain't exactly Mr. Charming to me, either. And this thread is further proof that you need to seek a professional therapist for help. The more I read from you, the clearer it gets that you really are a version of OneGoal 2.0, and that you are probably more of a "creeper" than you think. Of course your pride will combat that, but the signs are clearly there. You are an unhealthy person because of your lopsided obsession of getting some action, and your increasing desperation (as this thread points out) is the early groundwork for you to one day get in a WHOLE HEAP OF TROUBLE. Being stubborn, prideful, desperate, a loner and a coward is a dangerous combination. And you wonder why you think your life has no redeeming values. It's your lousy and twisted attitude, dude.
Teknoe Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Get out of your thread.. no effing way will I allow you to post date rape scenarios without calling you out on that type of illegal trash. You seem like you are on the edge of doing something that won't make you feel any better in the end... If you post a public thread such as this then you can expect public answers.. just because you don't like that fact that I don't think you should go down a date rape type road doesn't mean I can't post my opinions on your scenario. +1 The signs are there. SD is spiraling out, the path he is on right now is a path of self-destruction. The more he posts trash like that, the more he's like onegoal 2.0 SD needs professional help. There is wanting a girlfriend, really wanting a girlfriend, desperately wanting a girlfriend... and then 50 feet below that you have SD. As the years have gone on and he's experienced no success, he's jumped from the first category to the 2nd to the 3rd... now with his latest friendship fall out with that 22 year old girl (the only female he had any semi-regular contact with), I fear he is spiraling into that dangerous 4th category.... where he isn't simply desperate... he is now onegoal-desperate. Go to a singles activity night? Try speed dating one more time? No, these aren't options for him. But using alcohol? Yeah! In the end, no self confidence = no self confidence, and that = unattractive. Even if you were to get a drunk girl to kiss you or have sex with, it's going to blow up in your face. Because the next day she's gonna wake up and NOT be drunk, and see that you have nothing going for you. But I know that doesn't concern you too much, as you just want some "intimate action." Try not be a selfish person, for a change. This could be dangerously close to rape. You say you have limits, but the fact that you're even considering it suggests to me in "the heat of the moment" all limits will go out the window. Get some help.
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Tell us how you really feel, Teknoe. Look, if you think Somedude how "nothing going for him", then you should meet some of the guys I know who really have nothing going for them and yet still get plenty of dates and girlfriends. I really think you're going the wrong way on this.
Author somedude81 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Speak of the devil... Teknoe, do me a favor and stay away. Thanks
oaks Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 A dry spell? I've never even had anything. The only people who can really relate are the guys who've gone without for four or more years. It's a certain feeling of being completely pathetic that most men never get to experience. I don't have a problem admitting to having "gone without for four or more years", but I really can't relate to what you wrote in the first post of this thread. Sure, go to parties where there might be female friends who you fancy and where there might also be alcohol, but don't be thinking about "getting" someone drunk. I'm still not sure that you really see why people have got riled over this. Anyway, why don't you host a party at your place? Invite your friends. You supply the snacks, and tell them to bring booze.
dasein Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I come dangerously too close to being a real life acquaintance that tries to keep you accountable -- in other words, I invite/challenge CHANGE in your life and that's too close for comfort. That and the rest of your posts in this thread sounds like something a stalker would say. It's not your job to keep anyone accountable.
Author somedude81 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 I don't have a problem admitting to having "gone without for four or more years", but I really can't relate to what you wrote in the first post of this thread. Sure, go to parties where there might be female friends who you fancy and where there might also be alcohol, but don't be thinking about "getting" someone drunk. I'm still not sure that you really see why people have got riled over this. Anyway, why don't you host a party at your place? Invite your friends. You supply the snacks, and tell them to bring booze. If I was the kind of guy who could hold parties at his place or was invited to parties, I wouldn't be asking these questions. That and the rest of your posts in this thread sounds like something a stalker would say. It's not your job to keep anyone accountable. He's my cyber stalker. I wish I could get a restraining order to keep him away.
NYC-BigKat Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 From what I've read about, many women don't develop feelings for a guy till after they've had sex or made-out. And of course, it seems very unlikely for one to get a woman to sleep with a man without her having feelings for him first So is that where booze comes in? She gets drunk and horny, has sex and then a relationship starts? Is that what I've been doing wrong, not trying to get girls I know drunk? It does seem like all the pretty girls are getting drunk and having sex & w/ whoever they're with but to get into their circle is the harder part since I dont really drink .
Cypress25 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 (edited) I'm tired of spending time with girls where nothing ever happens. My guess is that with a couple of drinks girls would finally start seeing me more than just a buddy. And once we hooked up a relationship could happen. I hate to be a naysayer, but here's why I don't think that would work. If a girl is not attracted to you when she's sober, getting her drunk won't solve the problem because drunk is temporary. She'll sober up and go right back to not being attracted to you. So even if she has sex with you while drunk, all you've done is taken advantage of her when she wasn't thinking straight. It won't change her feelings for you. I'll just start ignoring them. I know what kind of person I am and what I can and can't do. If you will allow me to explain why people keep mentioning date rape. You keep saying "I would never do that," but do you know how many guys get accused of date rape when they thought the sex was consensual? The guy didn't think he was doing anything wrong because the drunk girl seemed perfectly willing. But in the morning when she wakes up sober and can't remember much from the night before, she might feel that she was taken advantage of. That can happen when alcohol is involved. If she feels that she was raped, you'd be in an unfortunate situation. Do you know the difference between having done something and being accused of having done something? All this rape talk really belongs in a different thread, but I'll indulge you. Yes, I know the difference. Would you be happy for your son to be convicted on the balance of probabilities if he was accused of rape? When did I ever say a criminal case should be treated as a civil case? When did I ever say that I wanted the legal system to change at all? What I said was I would never want to see guilty people go free. Why "of course"? You're now sounding like you would rather convict someone only there if was no doubt he or she did it. Why not just fly off the lid and convict anyway? That's how your posts have sounded so far. I never said we should automatically convict everyone who is accused. I said laws are supposed to protect the victim, but in rape cases, the law is often manipulated to protect the rapist. It is absolutely not OK for the law to protect rapists and enable them to continue raping more people. I'm still not sure what you want the legal system to do about alleged rape cases. There are two people to consider in each case where rape is alleged: the complainant and the defendant. You appear to have no concern for the defendant. And you appear to have no concern for the complainant. Rape victims are also innocent people, so why shouldn't the law protect them? I don't actually expect the court system to do anything differently with these cases. The problem is, most of these cases never even make it to trial. Many women end up dropping charges before it gets to that point because they start to think the case is hopeless. No one believes them, they don't have any support from family or friends, the police are convincing them that it's pointless to take it to trial, they start imagining a humiliating day in court, and they just give up. So the rapist goes free. Not because a jury couldn't prove anything beyond a reasonable doubt, but because the victim was forced to drop charges before a jury ever had a chance to decide anything. Even if the victim doesn't voluntarily drop charges, the police sometimes close the case prematurely because they think the victim is lying. That has nothing to do with the court system. It has everything to do with rape culture and how our society in general believes it's more important to protect an accused rapist than to protect the innocent victim. If we decide to convict people of rape based on balance of probabilities to increase the conviction rate, the effect is that innocent people are convicted of rape. Again, I never said we should do that. Well then, suggest something other than "beyond a reasonable doubt" as an alternative for a court to determine if someone is guilty. Like I said above, I don't want that. I want an alternative to the way people think about rape. The notion that it's better for rapists to go free is horrifying to me. Apparently, it's better for hundreds of innocent people to be raped and have their lives ruined than for one innocent person to spend a few years in jail. If the man accused of rape is innocent, and all those rape victims are also innocent, why is one innocent man more important than hundreds of innocent victims? I don't understand that. Which brings us back to, if your son was accused of rape, would you rather he went to gaol (where he would be likely to be raped) because 12 people thought he probably did it, or because 12 people were certain he did it and nothing in court had caused any doubt in their minds? Interesting that you gave me a hypothetical son and not a hypothetical daughter. Probably because you want me to be more concerned about the accused rapist than his victim. But what if my daughter was raped and no one believed her? Would I be happy that the legal system is protecting her attacker and punishing her for being a victim? No, of course not. Especially if her attacker has been a serial rapist for 10 years and should have been convicted 10 years ago. But he wasn't, because no one believed any of his other victims. Personally, I think it's much worse for an innocent person to be raped than for an innocent person to be falsely accused of rape. That hardly ever happens anyway. Edited November 17, 2011 by Cypress25
Author somedude81 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 I hate to be a naysayer, but here's why I don't think that would work. If a girl is not attracted to you when she's sober, getting her drunk won't solve the problem because drunk is temporary. She'll sober up and go right back to not being attracted to you. So even if she has sex with you while drunk, all you've done is taken advantage of her when she wasn't thinking straight. It won't change her feelings for you. All I can say is that female attraction and willingness to sleep with somebody is very complicated and I can't being to try to comprehend it. As for her not being attracted to me any longer after we have sex all I know is what I've heard to the contrary. Frankly, I see it as a great way to see if there was ever a chance at all. If we have sex and she still isn't in to me, then there is the answer plain as day, no guessing needed. If you will allow me to explain why people keep mentioning date rape. You keep saying "I would never do that," but do you know how many guys get accused of date rape when they thought the sex was consensual? The guy didn't think he was doing anything wrong because the drunk girl seemed perfectly willing. But in the morning when she wakes up sober and can't remember much from the night before, she might feel that she was taken advantage of. That can happen when alcohol is involved. If she feels that she was raped, you'd be in an unfortunate situation.Then it's up to the legal system to decide what happens next. Hopefully the law is just enough to know that two people who were drinking and ended up having sex, does not equal she was raped.
Queen Zenobia Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Like I said above, I don't want that. I want an alternative to the way people think about rape. The notion that it's better for rapists to go free is horrifying to me. Apparently, it's better for hundreds of innocent people to be raped and have their lives ruined than for one innocent person to spend a few years in jail. If the man accused of rape is innocent, and all those rape victims are also innocent, why is one innocent man more important than hundreds of innocent victims? I don't understand that. And the fact that you think otherwise is horrifying to me. Imprisoning an innocent person is by far the worst thing a government can do, so it should always be avoided at all cost.
Cypress25 Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 As for her not being attracted to me any longer after we have sex all I know is what I've heard to the contrary. No one ever said that a woman who is not attracted to you will magically become attracted to you after having drunk sex. A few people have said their relationships started with a drunk hookup, but in those cases, both people were already attracted to each other prior to the hookup. Then it's up to the legal system to decide what happens next. Hopefully the law is just enough to know that two people who were drinking and ended up having sex, does not equal she was raped. And what about her? Do you care how she feels? Even if the law decides you're innocent, the girl still feels that she was raped. But I guess you'd be OK with that, because at least now you know that she's definitely not interested in you. Who cares if she considers herself a rape victim for the rest of her life? Look, you're obviously hell-bent on doing this, so why don't you just do it and let us know how it goes?
Cypress25 Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Imprisoning an innocent person is by far the worst thing a government can do We'll have to agree to disagree on that one. There are worse things, in my opinion.
Queen Zenobia Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 We'll have to agree to disagree on that one. There are worse things, in my opinion. Sure. Executing an innocent person is worse. I stand corrected.
Author somedude81 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 No one ever said that a woman who is not attracted to you will magically become attracted to you after having drunk sex. A few people have said their relationships started with a drunk hookup, but in those cases, both people were already attracted to each other prior to the hookup. Then why was alcohol needed to get things going? And what about her? Do you care how she feels? Even if the law decides you're innocent, the girl still feels that she was raped. But I guess you'd be OK with that, because at least now you know that she's definitely not interested in you. Who cares if she considers herself a rape victim for the rest of her life? Sigh. If she feels that she was raped then she should seek the appropriate counseling. Look, you're obviously hell-bent on doing this, so why don't you just do it and let us know how it goes? Part of my thread was asking how I can do it. It's not something I can do yet.
oaks Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 If I was the kind of guy who could hold parties at his place or was invited to parties, I wouldn't be asking these questions. Ok, so you don't go to clubs and bars, you don't go to parties, you rarely drink. Where are you going to be when you have drinks with the woman you have your eye on? Drinking at a bus stop is classy, but you need a brown paper bag for the bottle. Is there even a specific woman in mind, or is this just a hypothetical situation.
Cypress25 Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Then why was alcohol needed to get things going? It probably wasn't. They weren't drinking because they needed alcohol to get things going. They just happened to be drinking, as part of normal social activity, and that's when things got sexual. It probably would have gotten sexual eventually anyway, with or without alcohol. Part of my thread was asking how I can do it. It's not something I can do yet. Some people have given you advice, and you keep saying you can't do that. You don't go out, you don't go to parties, you don't have a social life, so aside from clubbing a girl over the head and dragging her back to your place to force liquor down her throat, there's not much else people can say.
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