warrenorabbits Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 I just deleted one of my former girl friends from Facebook and Skype. At first I believed that it was the right thing to do, but I am now not sure. Let me explain. We met on OKCupid and grew really close (talked on the phone every day and even met each other when she was in town), but I did not get closer since she had her eye on a former boyfriend. Once she got back with him, our daily calls stopped and we grew distant. Then in August, I made a comment on one of her posts pretending (in an over-the-top way) to flirt with her. Her boyfriend got on to me about it, and called me desperate and needy. I was defensive at first, but then apologized to them both. No response. I deleted her. She confronted me about it, we talked it over, and I added her back. We talked maybe once during a month's time. Then one day I went on her Facebook, saw a picture of her with her boyfriend, and knew I had to delete her again. It's not that I'm jealous (just take my word for it, okay? I was actually happy to see her get back with him at first.), it's just that thinking about the way that he talked to me made me angry all over again, and if I was going to communicate with her I was going to run into him. So I deleted her. But just seconds after I clicked the delete button on Skype she messaged me: "hey!" And I started to think that maybe I didn't do the right thing. Do you have any advice for me? Please be frank but gentle.
Jane2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Well, the damage is already done, (you already deleted her), but my general advice is to never delete them. I know a lot of people are big on putting exes in your past so you can heal and forget. (and hence, think you should delete) But I'm of the other school of thought. Never let them see that they affected you enough to delete them from Facebook. You can get over her, regardless. Just stop clicking on her page. Hide her from your newsfeed. I have an ex that I'm in the process of getting over. I'll never delete him and allow him to see that he affected me. (and believe me, he did). But I keep him on my friends list because of personal pride. I just don't look at his page. He has a new girlfriend, too, but he's also not showy about it at all. Even without him being showy about having a girlfriend, I still don't look at his page because I don't even want to see his daily postings / pics, etc. that have nothing to do with his girlfriend. It's just a reminder of....him. Don't delete, is my motto. Makes you look hurt and vulnerable and angry. You get better "subtle revenge" by being your happy go lucky self on Facebook (while not being obvious or over the top about it) and letting them see that you're happy. You liked them, you may have even been really into them, but you're still happy.
Author warrenorabbits Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 Thanks, Jane. I should add that she was a friend that's a girl not a girlfriend. We were never in a relationship. I just asked here because this section gets the most traffic.
whichwayisup Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 You still 'like' this girl and she has a boyfriend. There's your grounds for deleting her. She's not into you that way (anymore) and its' doing damage to you. Honestly, is she your true friend, someone you can confide in, trust and be a part of her life? It doesn't seem like it unless it's on her terms and time frame, depending on what her boyfriend is doing. I say, you did the right thing and if she questions you about it, just tell her it's something you needed to do for yourself. You don't owe her a huge explanation! She has a boyfriend and has disappeared on you, not treated you well.. Remember that.
Emilia Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 You did the right thing. Personally, I don't think you owed her an apology either and her boyfriend shouldn't have contacted you. Pointless drama in your life, best to move on.
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