Harmoneous88 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Well its already been four months since my boyfriend of close to 7 years left me for another girl. Were both 24, this girl is about 27 and has an 8 year old child. I feel like its affected me tenfold because of how much I was lied to towards the end. He was my first love, first boyfriend in fact and I cant help but feel Im going one step forward two steps back. I know we took each other for granted, I started asking him to be more responsible and save money for our future. I don't understand why he couldnt communicate with me and how he quickly moved on after 7 years..hed only known her for a couple of months! Im sorry, I m really an amateur at this, this is my first breakup - my first relationship. I would really like some advice please. Has anyone been through this or similar? I dont understand how a guy who thought I was asking for too much when telling him to save money can run off with someone he has to be 10x more responsible for because of her child. Im lost, confused, hurt and need to move on... please any advice would be appreciated. Thank you - H
smokey bear Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Hi i just went through something similar, done something myself and had something similar done. Ive heard it said that sometimes when commitment is pushed or big life changing event, some can get GIGS/ aka itchy feet etc. I would expect it could be a rebound because he jumped into someone who sounds to be not what he would have chose if he was over his relationship baggage and thinking from a clear head. Only judgements on the info you supplied. Try a LS search for rebounds and gigs, get some info and see what you think. Next try the coping forum, and really fill yourself full of what to do next, ie moving on, nc, finding and loving yourself, positive thinking etc xx There's plenty on here to help x
ChelseaLS Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 I don't want to be harsh and make you hurt more.. but could it be possible he checked out before it ended? Perhaps she was in the picture before the end... he may have not cheated on you but she was there? Unfortunately you may never know. But the best thing for you to do is look at it, accept it, and move on. There are so many different ideas and ways to get over it... I like to reflect on it the situation, accept it and focus on me. I better myself emotionally, physically, spiritually.
Rorschach64 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 There is a very high chance that the dumper checks out way before they terminate the relationship, which would explain a lot of coldness that we typically see during break ups. Thus would also explain why he was willing to break up with you over a trivial subject. Why he couldn't communicate you with the relationship issues is because he is most likely inexperienced with this mandatory skill for relationship health.
Author Harmoneous88 Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 Well i would have thought it was a rebound too but I honestly dont know. He seemed to be smitten with her. I know she was in the picture before the relationship ended but we were together all the time so he couldnt have physically cheated I know that much. I just dont understand HOW it could be so easy to move on? He started changing over 6 months, i noticed this.. Staying longer at the gym and then a month before we broke up he started taking steroids. He would belittle me when it came to his friends who were all party people and so was this girl..i mean an 8 year old child at home and she goes clubbing and dates younger guys? I dont understand what I could have done over the last 6 months to make him change his view on me? Im literally AFRAID to move on...to touch another guy at all. Most of all im petrified this will happen again - I trusted this guy with all my heart and never disputed anything he did!
ChelseaLS Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Hmm yes well you say you never disputed anything he did, that shows (and please don't take this to offence I did the same thing) as a pushover.. I thought I was just being a fantastic girlfriend. It comes down to smothering the relationship. You need to have your own life within the relationship separate from theres. You need to have your boundaries, stand up for yourself. If you hold love too loosely it flies away, if you hold it too tightly it dies. Such a fine line. Four months is really not that long and so your fear to touch another guy makes sense. I know that it's going to take me a year or so at least before I can be attracted to someone else without feeling guilty... weird I know. As for this happening again.. thats part of life. You can't see into the future, but to risk the pain to love again, means and shows you are a creature of courage which is something to be very proud of.
smokey bear Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 I would agree with both you, but after a 7 year relationship he would have had to check out a good time before he left, for a 7 year relationship at least 6 months for him not to have attachment, which should still be considered. I have also read that even if someone has emotionally checked out, they STILL need the time to grieve if they were still living together and sharing a life. There has to be some time alone/seperated for there to be no attachment.
Author Harmoneous88 Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 I can admit I started becoming a little too dependant and pushy but I really felt I balanced that out by trusting to do whatever he wanted without question. I mean like most people I was blindsided, he showed me so much affection that when it happened I was literally lost! He was 'confused' for a good while, at least 2 weeks - he kept saying he didnt know, was afraid he would be making a mistake - yet spent no time at all being alone and regrouping... he started dating the girl maybe 3 days later - he denied it but of course i found out on facebook and questioned it..he STILL denied it Saw him at a friends party - spent some time together and he seemed incredibly pissed off with me. Said that I should never have let it get to this point, that hes emotionally drained, having a harder time then me (seriously?) 2 weeks after that I was out at my local coffee shop and he walks in with her.. sees me, is completely shocked..comes up and apologises. tries calling and messaging for 2 days afterward..sends me some poem about heartbreak and I havent heard from him since. That was 3 months ago. I really cant imagine him not being attached to me on some level.. we were unbelievably close. Worked together so we saw each other every single day. I know I had a problem a big one - and that was my attitude. I got angry at him alot because of little irresponsibilities.. I mean he would speed while driving constantly and I HATED it. He got sick of hearing it I guess because Id complain all the time. I guess somethings just arent meant to make sense!
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