Blaming things on others to ease a guilty conscience?

[Sugar_Cube]

Hi I have a question. Do people ever notice that when someone has done something wrong that they feel guilty or ashamed of, they sometimes will try and put things off on others to ease their minds for things they have done? My husband has been doing alot of that lately. I know some of the things he has done, I have confronted him about them and he denies it. We will get into an arguement then all of a sudden he seems fine, then 2 days later hes asking me things like, where you been? what you doing? Whose that on the phone? I told him I haven't done anything to make him feel suspcious of me and that it stems from him doing whatever hes doing, for why he feels the need to question me. I also looked this up on the internet and it did say that that was one of the things that people do to others when they have done something they shouldn't have. Just wondering if any other people has had this happen or know of people that have. Thanks.

[The_Analyzer]

I have had that done to me. Its not fun when someone else is pointing the finger at you for what they have done. its not right to make someone to make you feel you have to walk on eggshells in your on home, because you never know what the other may accuse you of because of what they have done.

 

 

I had that to happen to me alot when I found out my wife was having an affair. A buddy of mine would call and she immeditaly wanted to know who it was. When i would tell her she acted as if she didn't believe me. So I got her to call him back to prove I had just spoke with him. Even then when she had proof there was always other times she would blame me or put something off on me. So I know exactly where you're coming from. Its not a good feeling and its sad to think others can do that. I hope things work out for you both. Best of luck.

[BlockHead]

The process is called scapegoating.

 

There is a book written about it.

People of the Lie by M. Scott Peck

[PoppySeed]

Hey, I know that must be a horrible feeling to have him do that to you. I haven't been in a situation like that before but my sister has and it wasn't good. Her husband began doing the same kind of thing when he was on internet porn. Which is a growing topic on here and other places as well. She knew he was doing it and and she told him how she felt. He did it anyway and became more secreative about it as time went by. It seemed the more secrative he got the more he would start to point the finger at her as her whereabouts and all that.

 

 

She eventually left him for lots of reasons. One she was tired of him doing what he was doing, two because he had a problem he refused to get help for, and three it wasn't fair for him to continue to point the finger at her and make false accusations against her because of what he was doing. I hope that maybe you can get him into some kind of counseling or for the both of you as well. Its not fun I'm sure. I hope all works out.

[lilmoma1973]

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hey sugarcube

 

i know what you mean alot of spouse do it ... it is there way of covering up what they done and they are starting to feel guilty for what they have done and so they start accusing you of doing things .. i don't know why they feel the need to lie and deceive us and then start accusing us like we have done something wrong!! good luck with everything hope it gets better soon!!

[Sugar_Cube]

Hey, thanks to you all that replied. He told me the other night he would talk to me about whats going on with him. That was Friday. He has yet to come to me, and I have continued to let him know I'm here and whenever hes ready is fine. I also told him this has been going on long enough and I'm tired of him placing the blame on the for what it is he has done. I'm sure whatever it is must be hard because hes feeling that he can't seem to do it. I'll just continue to be here and hopefully he will come to me with whatever is going on. Thanks again for the replys.