CopingGal Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 My ex has been asking if we could be friends. I lost my job and I could not handle two losses. I turned to him. I agreed to be friends. I told him I could not be friends if he was in a relationship because my wounds are too fresh from our breakup. He told me he is staying out of relationships since he broke up with his new gf (they only lasted 3 months). He said they were not getting back together. I went to facebook and he indicated he was in a relationship. He got back together with her and did not told me. That was it. I can't do it. I can't be his friend. He's hurt me too much. He hurt me when he was my boyfriend. He hurt me as a friend. I'm done. I'm staying away from him. I did not answer any of his texts. I'm done.
geegirl Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 (edited) My ex has been asking if we could be friends. I lost my job and I could not handle two losses. I turned to him. I agreed to be friends. I told him I could not be friends if he was in a relationship because my wounds are too fresh from our breakup. He told me he is staying out of relationships since he broke up with his new gf (they only lasted 3 months). He said they were not getting back together. I went to facebook and he indicated he was in a relationship. He got back together with her and did not told me. That was it. I can't do it. I can't be his friend. He's hurt me too much. He hurt me when he was my boyfriend. He hurt me as a friend. I'm done. I'm staying away from him. I did not answer any of his texts. I'm done. The thing is, you could never have been friends in the first place. "Friends" is just a facade, a false sense of security. You can't make demands on someone who is not in a relationship with you, especially on an ex. If you make those demands, remember that it's unreasonable and unrealistic and will only backfire or be detrimental to you. It doesn't matter what he says. It's not an arrangement that is in your best interest. He has every right to date. YOU should create better boundaries for yourself so that YOU don't hurt yourself. And if he was a bad boyfriend, why would you think he'd be a good friend? Time for you to accept reality, realize you cannot be friends while you are emotional and you should NC and heal. "Friends" was just a way for you to keep him engaged and focused on you because you could not let go. It's time to let go. Edited November 11, 2011 by geegirl
Author CopingGal Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 You know, I wasn't trying to make demands or control him. He wanted to be friends after he broke up with his new gf. I was honest and I told him I could not be friends as long as he is in a relationship. He said he was not in one and would not be in one for a very long time. I know things change. But this asswipe did not even tell me he got back with her. He let me find out on facebook. He was a bastard as a boyfriend. He's a bastard as a friend. I went full NC on his ass.
geegirl Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 (edited) You know, I wasn't trying to make demands or control him. He wanted to be friends after he broke up with his new gf. I was honest and I told him I could not be friends as long as he is in a relationship. He said he was not in one and would not be in one for a very long time. I know things change. But this asswipe did not even tell me he got back with her. He let me find out on facebook. He was a bastard as a boyfriend. He's a bastard as a friend. I went full NC on his ass. If he was a bastard to you as a boyfriend, why did you want to be friends with such a person? And if he was a bastard of a boyfriend, why did you think he would make a good friend? Making "demands" such as "not to date" on an ex, if they want to be friends with you is unrealistic. Best thing to do is not put yourself in these types of arrangements. "Friends" should be able to date people. Granted, he was an ass for lying. But knowing he was a bastard to you when in an R, why did you believe his words would carry any weight/truth or that he would put your request/needs first? The responsibility lies with you for making deals with a "bastard". Next time, have healthy boundaries for yourself. Stay NC. Edited November 12, 2011 by geegirl
Author CopingGal Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 If he was a bastard to you as a boyfriend, why did you want to be friends with such a person? And if he was a bastard of a boyfriend, why did you think he would make a good friend? Making "demands" such as "not to date" on an ex, if they want to be friends with you is unrealistic. Best thing to do is not put yourself in these types of arrangements. "Friends" should be able to date people. Granted, he was an ass for lying. But knowing he was a bastard to you when in an R, why did you believe his words would carry any weight/truth or that he would put your request/needs first? The responsibility lies with you for making deals with a "bastard". Next time, have healthy boundaries for yourself. Stay NC. You are absolutely right. If a person is a bad BF or bad GF, you should not be friends with them. That only brings sorrow. I set boundaries for myself and I maintain NC.
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