alexis. Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Hi, I've just joined this site to ask a dating question - I don't have anybody to talk to...I'll try to keep it short... So, I am 25 years old, with a degree from an Ivy League university and a stable career in politics/int. relations. I recently started working in the company which is owned by my father and I met his business partner and a long time friend there, with whom I started a business partnership as well. (Though we have met a few times before in the company, last time when I was maybe 14 years old...) And you know, we had to discuss business so we went for a few lunches and dinners and after some time I realized I fell in love with him. Crazy, I know. But we clicked instantly, I can discuss really anything with him, we share quite a lot of common interests...I dated men my own age only and I just feel that I have a lot more in common with this older man than with any other 25 year old...no offence to any men my age, but they just seem to me so immature...and I am not a lover of nightclubs and parties either. So, THE PROBLEM is: I think I am in love with him. I also think that he has the same feelings for me, but he would never admit it, because he is my father's friend. Moreover, I am 25 and he is 40, single, never been married. I am really torn, because I know we could possibly date, but...it is not acceptable, right or whatever...I am the daughter of his friend and business partner...but you can't control who you fall in love with. WHAT SHOULD I DO?! Thank you guys for reading and any useful answers. (And sorry if my English is not perfect, I am not a native speaker.)
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 It is a sticky situation because this is your fathers friend. And trust me, your dad will NOT like this one bit. The age thing isn't a huge deal here, people click and fall for one another, and if you're mature for your age, dating someone older isn't such a huge deal. The fact that you all work together is another reason to really think this through. Obviously your dad knows you and knows this guy well too, so sooner or later he will pick up on obviously signs that you two are into one another. Sorry I don't have much more to offer than that.
Taramere Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 It is a sticky situation because this is your fathers friend. And trust me, your dad will NOT like this one bit. You never know. He might be okay with it. Especially if he thinks well of the guy...which presumably he does if he's in partnership with him. The problem I'd anticipate would be that she's known the man since she was 14, and her father might think "hang on....how long has this attraction been going on for?" Alexis, how do you think your father would respond if you told him that you have developed an interest in his business partner?
Author alexis. Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 just to make it clearer: we do not work in the same company, he is just a business partner, so no workplace romance "possible"...we only meet regularly to discuss how the business is going and so on... Taramere, you are right, I've known him since I was 14, but we only met maybe 5 times in my father's company, that's all. No personal visits, trips, holidays, not like that. My dad wouldn't think that I have a crush on him since 14 years old...I don't! It has developed recently, when I have chances to talk to him and see him a lot more (even as often as my father sees him, we go to some dinners together and I think my dad will finally notice that something's going on between us...)
Cracker Jack Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 I don't think there's anything wrong or unusual about a 25 yr old woman dating a 40 yr old man. However, your father being his friend seems to be the biggest obstacle here. I think once you and your dad's friend both establish that there's an attraction between you two, it'd probably be best to have a talk with your father about this. I'm not really sure what the best option is in this situation, but hopefully everything will go well for you.
Author alexis. Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 And as far as my dad's reaction is concerned, gosh, he would probably freak out...I am still his "little girl" and I will always be and I am sure he wouldn't like the thought that'll come to his mind at some point: "My business partner sleeps with my daughter?!" On the other hand, dad might as well be happy about me dating his very good friend rather than a random bloke... And finally, it will be really difficult to me to talk about all this to my father, I've never discussed my love life with him! But there seems to be no other option, because I have to be sure about his views, otherwise I cannot date that man - I am sure he has feelings for me, but he wouldn't admit it, knowing that my dad will be against us.
dasein Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 It's hard for anyone here to give useful advice because only you are privy to the dynamics of the relationship between your father and the man you say you love. Some questions you may consider is if it is possible that your attraction is even some motivated by the business relationship with your father, in other words, would it stand on its own if you just ran into this guy out somewhere? Another question is what is your father's general attitude and demeanor with respect to views on romance, more traditional, modern, etc.? Provided he and your mother are together, how did they meet? Any useful data there? In your shoes, I'd ask your father about it directly. It seems to be the only option that makes sense. He may be all for it for all we know here. But watch out and make sure of your feelings first, you could end up in some sort of uncomfortable position as a prospective "dynastic pawn" and have a hard time changing your mind down the road.
Author alexis. Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 firstly, is there anything specific that I should tell you about "the dynamics" of their business/friendly relationship in order to make it clearer? secondly, interesting question to consider - the "business motivation" of my feelings...I'll think about it, but as for now, I'd say it isn't relevant... next, my father's views on romance and relationships...you couldn't possibly ask me a more difficult question than this...I'd say he is more traditional, he's been married to my mum for 26 yrs, although, he was married before but had no children from the 1st marriage... I think he would say that a 40 year old is too old for me and that we can't possibly have anything in common...(which isn't true - quite the opposite)...
stillafool Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 I think you should sit your father down and tell him how you feel about his friend. If you are falling in love with this man and he feels the same, you will have to tell your dad sooner or later.
Nexus One Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 (edited) You could try to present it to your father in this way. Go to your father first. Tell him you have a crush on someone, but that that person doesn't know yet. Tell him it's his business partner. And tell him that you'd like to ask him out, but that you wanted to consult your father first due to him being friends and business partners with him and also for advice (on how to approach the guy and how to get around the issue that he might not want to date you due to being friends with your father and being business partners) If you father approves, well then yay. If you father disapproves, then you can say: "Dad, this is what I want. I rather have you on my side and give me advice on what the best approach is in regards to your friend. I want you to be on the same team with me and work together on this. And if any issues should arise, then we'll all agree to work together towards a solution." Edited November 11, 2011 by Nexus One
dasein Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 firstly, is there anything specific that I should tell you about "the dynamics" of their business/friendly relationship in order to make it clearer? Not really, more rhetorical. Is the dynamic competitive, collegial, personal? lots of possible adjectives. Is this a guy who spends holidays with your family? has your father perhaps tacitly hoped something would happen between you two? Is your father guarded of you when he is around? encourage you two to do stuff alone? So much possible conjecture. Still think you are going to have to go to the source to get your answer. Too much potential drama and misunderstanding risk otherwise.
Author alexis. Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 Isn't it a daddy complex when a woman seeks older men because she has bad/unhealthy/no relationship with her father? That certainly isn't my case...and as I said in my very first entry, I've only dated men my age so far...what a change in taste, isn't it? and I don't want to defend him, but he wouldn't "bang" me behind his bussiness partner's/friend back - again, as I've said before, I think he is reluctant to show any feelings for me 'cause I am the daughter of my father, who happens to be his friend...
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