James91 Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Married, mid 40s. For 1-2 yrs I had a cross-sex friendship with light flirting. Eventually the person had to leave the workplace (though occassionally visited). When that happened, both infatuation (+obsession) and severe depression quickly came upon me (for 3 wks). I was only able to overcome both by getting on meds and letting her know I needed to stop texting her (also didn't want to hurt my marriage). She understood why- and for weeks had refused to see me in person because she "respected the life I live" (good idea). Told her I didn't want to slide into an emotional affair. Now practicing "no contact" except for work-related info. Now I'm wondering if its possible to save this friendship in 3 months/6 months. I'm not sure if a friendship is even possible if I commit to meeting her only at my workplace / very little texting (I will not allow myself to get into an EA again). Workplace offers services so not entirely out of the question. She once highly valued my friendship- would like to keep that. She is much younger than me.
whichwayisup Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 NO. The friendship is a cancer to your marriage. It was and still will be a selfish friendship, one that will cause damage to what you feel for your wife and to your marriage. How would you like it if your wife was trying to renew a friendship with someone else that she flirted with, had feelings for, just like you and this other girl?? Hello, my guess would be you'd be really upset and pissed off, feel jealous and hurt. Focus that energy into your WIFE, rather than some other woman.
whichwayisup Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 She once highly valued my friendship- would like to keep that. She is much younger than me. why are you feeling so loyal to this girl?? Put your wife first. Seems you'd rather hurt your own wife than this other girl. WTF, man. Another thing, you and this woman were not 'real' friends. If she truly was a friend, no flirting and feelings would have developed, and she would have met your wife and been IN your life, with your wife's blessing.. My guess is, your wife has no clue that she exists and probably never will..
bentnotbroken Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Ask your wife after you have given her all the facts that you posted here. If she agrees, then introduce them. Let your wife decide if this woman is a friend of the marriage and no threat.
2sunny Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 yep - give your W all the details - including how much time you are spending thinking about this OW and how you keep plotting/justifying seeing her. ask your wife for permission - tell her you are drooling over this hot young gall who you fabtasize about - see if she thinks it's a good idea for you to keep trying to see/communicate with her. IF she gives permission - invite this gal over for a family meal.
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