pinkttulips Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 I have been sort of dating this guy the past few weeks, nothing official though. He's 39 and I'm 37. He's been taking it very slowly, no holding hands, etc...during, but he has been kissing me at the end of the dates, just a peck on the lips, except for the last time we saw each other. Last time we saw each other, we just said our goodbyes. A few days later on the phone, I told him that I was interested in him (I'm kinda shy, so wanted to make sure he knew in case he was having a hard time reading the signs or lack of them) and I asked him if he was interested in me and he said that "right now, he likes things going the way they are and wants to see how things go' he said that he really loves my company. Then he said that he just got out of a "bad" relationship. He never mentioned that he was in a relationship recently, so i didn't know this. Some friends who also know him has told me before this, that he was seeing a girl who wasn't real nice, but he never mentioned it. Anyway, so I told him that I really like his company too and I want that to continue and to see what happens and he said "I think its a good start." Is this his way of telling me he is not interested in a nice way? Or he does really want to go slow and continue to spend time together? I really hate dating, really.... the thing I hate the most is hoping... then BOOM, that hope is taken from you and replaced with disappointment!
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 He wants to take things slowly and he isn't ready to jump in quickly. Since he experienced a bad relationship previously, it takes a while to feel comfortable and be ready for intimacy, being close and stuff. Just enjoy getting to know him. Don't assume he's lying or not interested. You asked him and he was honest. I asked him if he was interested in me and he said that "right now, he likes things going the way they are and wants to see how things go' he said that he really loves my company. Then he said that he just got out of a "bad" relationship. So what if he didn't tell you about his bad relationship before now. Atleast he has told you, it doesn't matter that it wasn't mentioned before. Did you know this info before he told you, from someone else? If so, let it go because this guy has a wall up and things have to happen on his terms and time frame until he feels ready to open up to you. Just enjoy his company, have fun and get to know eachother.
carhill Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 My advice would be to enjoy the social intercourse and decide, presuming you find him attractive, whether his style of progressing the dating dynamic is comfortable and compatible with your own. If you feel like it's 'lacking', whether in intimacy or expressed affection, that's valid. You can be proactive in that regard and get his response. If the timing is off and the fun of dating is overshadowed by incompatible styles, move on. He could be a great guy but perhaps isn't that great guy for you right now. That's valid.
Author pinkttulips Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 Thank you, I feel so much better. Your right, it doesn't matter that he didn't tell me about the relationship and it does explain things (him not making moves). As far as thinking he was lying, I guess that came from other past dating experiences, men saying one thing, but acting out differently. Hoping for something and then being disappointed, it almost makes you afraid to hope, which is sad. He is a good guy, best one I have ever dated actually. Very sweet, respectable.
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Also, it's only been such a short period of time, 2 weeks and that isn't long enough (for him) to be an open book and be affectionate and loving. I say give this a chance. If in 3 months from now he's still not holding your hand or being affectionate, (fooling around, kissing and stuff) then reassess your relationship with him.. But for now, it is what it is, so enjoy and have fun with him.
Author pinkttulips Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 Also, it's only been such a short period of time, 2 weeks and that isn't long enough (for him) to be an open book and be affectionate and loving. I say give this a chance. If in 3 months from now he's still not holding your hand or being affectionate, (fooling around, kissing and stuff) then reassess your relationship with him.. But for now, it is what it is, so enjoy and have fun with him. Thank you! Assessing it in 3 months is what I will do. What do you think about me making small moves as the time goes by, if things seem more comfortable for him? I don't want to scare him off at all, or be rejected. Sometimes I think, well maybe I should have done that, made more moves myself, thinking maybe he didn't think I was interested so that caused him to back off. (regrets sinking in). But then again, if I did, maybe he would be running and hiding right now. Patience is going to be key now, which I do have. Hopefully it will work out.
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