Gigs/rebound/left for someone else. Answers to your questions here!!!!

[smokey bear]

I agree with everyones post even smokeys. I am way further in the breakup process then most of you. I had my ex come back to me not once but twice saying "Im sorry I made a mistake can we please get back together." Each time, the same problems were there from both ends. Including my end. I wasnt perfect by any means but I did the best I knew how to do and that's all anyone can ask. I've looked in the mirror, Ive had about 4 months of anger aimed inward at myself.

 

It takes time and reflection. I obviously still have feelings and care about my ex but if she were to come back again after shes done with her stupid games, I have enough self worth and personal boundaries NOW!!! that I would say No to her. Its not worth it, its not love for her, its a need.

 

IF you love somebody you let them go and work on you. Thats why that quote is so insightful. It will just make sense.

 

I am trying to show people that post here and want a second chance that its more of a mind NEED thing then love. Your ego cant take that you are no longer important. Being important is one of the most basic human drives for the mind. Ask yourself now... now that your ex broke up with you or no longer wants to be with you, why do you honestly want to be with someone that doesnt want to be with you. Its ego driven. So be important to yourself first. That way if someone leaves you or you leave someone, you still have this sense of self worth

 

My closure came in the fact that my ex said she had feelings for another guy, when she finally told me this a week after her breakup, that was it. I gave her a hug and walked away. I don't want to be with someone that doesnt want to be with me or leaves me for someone else.

 

Think about this, really think about it. To go back to someone that breaks up with you is enabling them to do it again. Going back to someone that cheats on you is enabling them to cheat on you again. Going back to someone that treats you poorly is enabling that someone to treat you poorly again. You have control over how you want to live your life and how you want to be treated.

 

 

I agree the first few paragraphs but i dont agree that some want a second chance because they need it for ego

 

I genuinly want a second chance because i love my ex, i dont need him, im better off without him, life is easier being single and sometimes when you look at friends and their relationships sometimes you think thank god i dont need to check in or cook or be there for anyone.

 

For me i love my ex unconditionally, He is hard work, I could easily find someone easier to live with, but i want a second chance because he challenges me in life and within myself and i dont get that with a lot of men. Also all my ex's faults and bad habits i can put up with, they go along nicely with mine.

 

So its not need, it is love. I chose to love him unconditionally and now that love wont go away. He doesnt make me who i am, i do.

 

I dont believe that going back with someone who left you for someone else is enabling them to do it again, because in life we all leave someone for someone else, hence why we have ex's some just take time between it but in reality when we leave we dont leave to be single forever, we leave to find better. so the next person you meet originally left there ex for someone else, do you get what i mean.

 

"I don't want to be with someone that doesnt want to be with me or leaves me for someone else."

 

When my ex split, a few months later i thanked him for not dragging me through the hell he went through of partying, drugs etc, he didnt enjoy it but it was something he had to do to experience because he felt he missed that in younger life. It wouldnt stop me from taking him back.

 

My moto is when your split up, what happens happens. Its non of our business and shouldnt affect how we percieve them NOW. We dont judge people on what they done in the past before we met them.

 

If you had a good relationship before and they come back, new better and changed from what they experienced it wouldnt stop me considering going back.

 

A lot of things in life need to be learned alone.

 

If an ex leaves you, takes time to heal say 6 months and then dated someone else, it doesnt sound so bad does it. Then they came back to you after that new relationship, you wouldnt think the same of them as someone who left straight away for someone else, effectively its the same thing, seeing what else is out there, Both situations they left for someone else, one was immediate, one was eventually.

 

Cheating isnt acceptable though.

[ChelseaLS]

I think some do want a second chance as an ego boost. I've even read posts on here where people say " I wish they would come back so that I could dump them"... wtf. That isn't love for sure.

 

I believe in my situation it's not the case. It is because I do love him. It was actually my mom who told me to sit down and think this through and figure out if it was LOVE or not.

 

.. and well you know my conclusion. And my relationship was good, it was great. We had our ups and downs, but all in all it was great. He has his commitment issues and always has and I will honour his request for space and take that risk.

[EgoJoe]

Interesting post...

 

There's more to this GIGS thing the you are posting. I like how you shared your view of why it happened as its relatively true in pretty much all the cases here, at the same time, its emotionally immature. You state that you are more mature then your ex but who are you to label and judge his maturity based off your actions which are immature in itself.

 

There's a lot more to this type of behavior then whats on the surface and that you posted. You post from the dumpers perspective and a lot of people including myself appreciate that.

 

One thing I do not agree with is that this creates and harvests the second chance are possible threads that are going to come out of this. Instead of promoting, growth, emotional maturity, personal boundaries, self value and worth people need to learn from this type of experience, you are promoting, its ok to be a doormat because of the chance they might come back.

 

The only reason you feel the way you feel now is because your feel rejected by someone. He no longer wants to be a doormat and wants you in his life. This has to do with your inner core value, your self esteem, selfishness and nothing to do with love.

 

I agree with this quote from Wilson with a minor exception. Second chances are possible but you have to move on, learn, grow and change anyways.

 

To Wilson: Perhaps she thinks she's more emotionally mature 'cus she went through it already. It could also be the way he's partying as opposed to already having someone else 100% lined up or jumping from commited relationship to relationship whereas the guy has a "rebound" without commitment and is doing the party/hookup scene simultaneously.

 

Who knows and who cares? She's obviously hurting too and therefore deserves some support...around here though that is oftentimes a dose of reality and I agree with what you've said thus far minus the exception.

[wilsonx]

People need to create that value of self worth though. Thats why I do not agree with reconciliations.

 

Now say 5 years from now and both of you cross paths after emotionally and physically growing and you both gave a shot at dating again, thats not a reconciliation. I am a friend with a couple that has done this, they broke up after high school, did their own things in college and crossed paths again and now are married with kids. My ex's dad went out and crossed paths with his college gf and now they are married.

 

This is different, the past is in the past. Right now I will tell you from the second chance experience, theres too many problems for most people to handle to do a reconciliation now in most of these relationships, egos bruised, feelings are all over the place, its impossible, 2 years from now, who knows but you have to let it go in order for it to start over from nothing.

[jsd43953]

Wow.. this is very eye opening as far as rebounds go. Maybe I am a victim of this and despite all that was told to me the fact remains.. I was the rebound guy..used and abused and now thrown away....

 

 

Don't believe me read my story:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t306193/