angelj Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 After over 15 years since my mother tragically and suddenly passed away (when I was a young 13 year old girl) I thought I had cleaned all the skeletons out of my closet and I truly thought I had a good grasp of what life and relationships are. I am quickly realizing about a year into my current relationship - that I have no f*cking clue. My boyfriend and I have a very loving ad happy relationship. To be completely honest, it is the first true relationship I have ever had in my life and I am 28. I have always had boyfriends and dated - but they never amounted to anything/ultimately resulted in men who were unavailable emotionally. I had an issue with boundaries and co dependency that caused me to choose the wrong ones! My current boyfriend and I spend the majority of our time together and we now live together. We have our ups an downs, but he has repeatedly told me he cares for me and I am the greatest person he has ever met and does not want our relationship to end. Literally, out of nowhere in the last few weeks I have been feeling an extreme fear of abandonment. I am constantly terrified he is going to up and leave me for another woman, or no woman at all. I have even had nightmares for 3 nights in a row - one where he told me felt we were just friends and was "over it" and two where he was just not with me. It has been horrible and I am starting to jokingly accuse him of another woman. This is turning me into a rather clingy and needy person which I am not! I have always been confident, strong and independent. We have always had a very joking relationship about our looks, weight, intelligence and now these subjects are extremely touchy to me and he is noticing. As a side note - the only serious relationships I have had in the past resulted in the man leaving me and cheating on me with another woman and ultimately coming back to say how sorry he was - of course they all come back! Anyway - I recognize this fear now and I want this to end. I feel like I am ruining a beautiful relationship one day at a time. Does anyone have some great advice or insight to help me ease my pain?
Author angelj Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 Thanks Tom - that was lovely advice! I am also not the best communicator. Its not easy for me and we recently started living together so that of course makes things different as well. I will certainly speak to him seriously - if I can figure out a way to approach the topic. And you're right - hes here because he does love me.
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