Author Spark1111 Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 You are pretty spot on. A woman will read a man in the first few minutes and they have this knack/desire to understand the guy, to remove all mystery from him. Off-course, if she is a vicious cold-hearted b*tch, that can only spell trouble for the man. I wonder if the reason we don't talk to our friends about our gf's in great detail about what we do in bed is because we feel like we 'own' them, and giving out this information would feel like selling it out. I know this is how it felt in the past when i found out one of my gf's spoke in public (her circle of friends), about what we did in bed. I felt very much betrayed. Yes, we often confide in gfs info that is disrespectful of the relationship. But if I read these forums correctly, men are constantly complaining about their lack of sex, and what their SO will and won't do for them sexually. Women generally are complaining about emotional issues: lack of help. respect, and feeling cherished and wooed. That is truly at the heart of Venus/Mars.
Author Spark1111 Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 Men can't be the greatest perpetrators of infidelity because they also need to cheat with someone. I doubt it was with other guys ! Touche! But many of those women exist to relieve a man of his money for the act! It's a billion dollar industry. I think it's about equal but for men it hurts because we feel like they belong to us, because we can't cope with the ideea that she discussed our sexual life with the OM, because we believe in honor more strongly than women do, because we don't know how to handle our own feelings and emotions so when we do break down ... we have a general breakdown. I can see that. And I can see why men would shoot a gun or eat one because of it. Psychs assert that men grieve harder the loss of a relationship because we women talk, talk, talk about our feelings. And i think that women are the champions of infidelity because they : 1 - backwards rationalizing it (look in the OW threads or the threads started by WW); 'oh it was karma', 'maybe it was meant to be', 'i was never happy anyway', 'doesn't matter what you remember, i was miserable in the past and it's your fault' ... etc. We need to lie to ourselves to look in the mirror after the things we've done. It's just that women have a more fluid concept of guilt than we do (see 2). 2 - they know how to lie and hide better than we do These are obviously not absolutes and a cheating man is a big a sl*ut as a cheating woman is and should be. Counselors agree that women do justify their infidelity and are subsequently harder to treat because we just fell in love and love trumps all.
Author Spark1111 Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 Interesting thread Spark. I think it would have something to do with culture, age, mental health.....blah, blah. Interesting comments thus far. Bent, when I first started reading at LS, three of the worst revenge tales were posted by betrayed men. One went out of his way to start an affair with the OM's W. One went out of his way to have a ONS with the OM's wife in the hotel room next to the room his W and OM were trysting. He was almost diabolical in planning his evening of revenge. Another man took the very worst, sexually suggestive email his wife shared with the OM, and blasted it to everyone in his and her's address book; the pastor, the boss, the work colleagues, the families, the friends, BEFORE confronting her and informing her of divorce. Now THAT's public humiliation. Yet, because they DIDN't commit an act of violence, I do not believe they were chastised here the way women are for informing the kids or the family. I think that my be a double-standard also. Are women expected to walk a higher moral ground because we are women and often mothers? I think yes.
nofool4u Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 It seems to me that worst cases of revenge are perpetrated by men, not just what I have read at LS, but what I have seen IRL too. More violent, more humiliating, and they seem to receive more leniency in society and often in the courts too. Oh I think it depends on the man. About the only thing you listed I might be apt to partake in would be the "more humiliating" part. I wouldn't be above exposing a huss cheating woman in a bad way, maybe even the other man. But really if I did get any kind of vengeance, it wouldn't take a violent form at all, and I wouldn't bother with doing anything to the other man. And in most cases, I'd just dump the cheater flat and think that she can simply be some other poor sap's problem. It's as if it is understood that a man who discovers his wife in bed with another man may very likely will blow the OM's brains out and receive a reduced manslaughter charge, because all other men think: "well, who could blame him?" One thing I have never understood is the desire to do something to the OM, when its the gf/wife that deserves the brundt of the anger. Not saying a man isn't completely justified in being angry at the OM, but the anger needs to be directed at the gf/wife. and no, not in any violent way as you have stated above. If I busted in my home to find a gf with another guy, I'd calmly tell the man to get out, then escort my now x-gf out of the house and tell her not to darken my doorstep again. Yet, a woman steals a kitten form the OW's house and it makes national news in the UK. Are we kidding here? thats because everyone loves a good catfight
GorillaTheater Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 One went out of his way to start an affair with the OM's W. Good ol' Lorenzo. I'd do the same in a heartbeat; it's like a two-fer, revenge-wise. My wife, on the other hand, would superglue my dick to my stomach while I was asleep, then proceed to strip me of custody and every asset I even thought about owning. Tough to say which is worse, though I'm leaning towards the latter.
bentnotbroken Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Good ol' Lorenzo. I'd do the same in a heartbeat; it's like a two-fer, revenge-wise. My wife, on the other hand, would superglue my dick to my stomach while I was asleep, then proceed to strip me of custody and every asset I even thought about owning. Tough to say which is worse, though I'm leaning towards the latter. :eek:I didn't know your wife was a relative.
bentnotbroken Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 Bent, when I first started reading at LS, three of the worst revenge tales were posted by betrayed men. One went out of his way to start an affair with the OM's W. One went out of his way to have a ONS with the OM's wife in the hotel room next to the room his W and OM were trysting. He was almost diabolical in planning his evening of revenge. Another man took the very worst, sexually suggestive email his wife shared with the OM, and blasted it to everyone in his and her's address book; the pastor, the boss, the work colleagues, the families, the friends, BEFORE confronting her and informing her of divorce. Now THAT's public humiliation. Yet, because they DIDN't commit an act of violence, I do not believe they were chastised here the way women are for informing the kids or the family. I think that my be a double-standard also. Are women expected to walk a higher moral ground because we are women and often mothers? I think yes. I remember at least two of those men. I remember thinking that my revenge fantasies(and the ones I did carry out)were tame in comparison. I don't recall whether they were chastised or not. I can imagine that those who don't believe that they should suffer publicly for involvement in affairs would be yelling from the roof tops if everyone was informed(male or female).
2.50 a gallon Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 (edited) When I caught my Ex in the arms of the OM, my anger was off the charts. For a short time there, all I felt was red hot hate, I was no longer a human. It was like my reptilain part of my brain took over. Had there not been a chain link fence with razor wire on top I would have been at them with what ever I could have picked up. Quite simply I no longer cared. The truth is it scared me so bad, that in order to survive and live a long life I came to the conclusion that I could not take a chance of a repeat, and I was determined to never fall in love and marry again. And it was 15 years later before I was able to let down my walls and fall in love again. We have since been together for over 16 years, and I love and trust her totally, but we have not and probably will never marry. On d-day, I let my Ex know it was unsafe for her to come home, we had just moved to the area, and she did not have transportation or a place to go so she went home that night with the OM and lived with him for a month. My marriage was plagued by several OM's, most of them her married co-workers and the married next door neighbor. That weekend after we broke up, while his wife was out of town he invited my Ex, her OM pretty boy guard from where she worked and several of her male co-workers to a BBQ. So while I am trying to get over the anger, she came by to rub my nose in her affair. I grew up in a very bad neighborhood, where if somebody dumped on you. you daren't let it slide, as you would lose all respect and everybody would dump on you. So I had to do something I ended up having sex with the neigbor OM's wife. We shared a common wall in the bedroom, so he heard everything. It was one of the most erotic nights I have ever had. They ended up breaking up about a month later and I was lucky enough to be there when he figured it out. My thoughts to this day, "O gee, that's too bad" To be honest, having sex with the OM's wife, went a long way towards my being able to cool my anger and move on in life Edited November 16, 2011 by 2.50 a gallon
Author Spark1111 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 When I caught my Ex in the arms of the OM, my anger was off the charts. For a short time there, all I felt was red hot hate, I was no longer a human. It was like my reptilain part of my brain took over. Had there not been a chain link fence with razor wire on top I would have been at them with what ever I could have picked up. Quite simply I no longer cared. The truth is it scared me so bad, that in order to survive and live a long life I came to the conclusion that I could not take a chance of a repeat, and I was determined to never fall in love and marry again. And it was 15 years later before I was able to let down my walls and fall in love again. We have since been together for over 16 years, and I love and trust her totally, but we have not and probably will never marry. On d-day, I let my Ex know it was unsafe for her to come home, we had just moved to the area, and she did not have transportation or a place to go so she went home that night with the OM and lived with him for a month. My marriage was plagued by several OM's, most of them her married co-workers and the married next door neighbor. That weekend after we broke up, while his wife was out of town he invited my Ex, her OM pretty boy guard from where she worked and several of her male co-workers to a BBQ. So while I am trying to get over the anger, she came by to rub my nose in her affair. I grew up in a very bad neighborhood, where if somebody dumped on you. you daren't let it slide, as you would lose all respect and everybody would dump on you. So I had to do something I ended up having sex with the neigbor OM's wife. We shared a common wall in the bedroom, so he heard everything. It was one of the most erotic nights I have ever had. They ended up breaking up about a month later and I was lucky enough to be there when he figured it out. My thoughts to this day, "O gee, that's too bad" To be honest, having sex with the OM's wife, went a long way towards my being able to cool my anger and move on in life Could this be a fundamental difference between men and women? Of all the revenge fantasies I briefly entertained, shacking up with her xH, the one she spewed daily venom about, the one she still had feelings for because he dumped her to marry his last OW, NEVER in a million years crossed my mind. 2.50....that is some story!
Author Spark1111 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Oh I think it depends on the man. About the only thing you listed I might be apt to partake in would be the "more humiliating" part. I wouldn't be above exposing a huss cheating woman in a bad way, maybe even the other man. But really if I did get any kind of vengeance, it wouldn't take a violent form at all, and I wouldn't bother with doing anything to the other man. And in most cases, I'd just dump the cheater flat and think that she can simply be some other poor sap's problem. One thing I have never understood is the desire to do something to the OM, when its the gf/wife that deserves the brundt of the anger. Not saying a man isn't completely justified in being angry at the OM, but the anger needs to be directed at the gf/wife. and no, not in any violent way as you have stated above. If I busted in my home to find a gf with another guy, I'd calmly tell the man to get out, then escort my now x-gf out of the house and tell her not to darken my doorstep again. That is who I reserved my anger for. And I did not expose to people she knew. I refused to hurt a child, even her child.
Afishwithabike Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 If faced with that situation, I think I would expose to people who know the OW. I would feel no loyalty to the OW. After all she didn't ask my permission to hurt my family or sleep with my husband, right? Accordingly, I would feel no duty to protect her reputation amongst those who know and love her. I'm not sure I would do a scorched earth/nuclear exposure for such actions can backfire if reconciliation is sought, but certainly any exposure I'd do would be done strategically and with careful deliberation for maximum effect.
Pompom Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Women can be pretty mean if there's a brain full of ideas paired with a heart full of hurt. As a women myself, who's deliberately robbed a person of their sleep and interfered with their study and work performance and guilt-tripped him for a suicide, for two years, I could tell a 1001 stories to make men not want to betray their woman if she has an IQ beyond 100 and a touchy heart.
Avarage Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I think people are forgetting one critical key here: the child factor. If both betrayed spouse's are unawares of an affair until years later and didn't want children consider the fact that it's nigh impossible for a man to have a child with another women and convince his wife it's her's. For a woman all she has to do is say the husband got her pregnant when in reality it was the other man. This is why I think society is somewhat more lenient towards betrayed men after an affair (at least those with children).
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