Lucky_One Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Again, I'm just telling it like it is. If you feel like I'm conceited, **** your opinion. Again, I'm just telling it like it is. If you feel like I'm wrong, then quit asking for opinions.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 Mr. Dream Merchant: I will take a guess based on the interaction you are having with others in this thread. I don't think the problem is with your looks or anything like that. I also don't think you are being too boastful, arrogant, or anything like that. I think it is something very subtle in terms of the way you communicate, that you are failing to pick up on some social cues from other people, and therefore your responses are not calibrated quite right. When signals are being sent your way--subtle perhaps non verbal cues--body language, vocal inflection--from other people you are socializing with, you are not interpreting those cues correctly, for some unknown reason. Therefore in a given situation where you may perceive yourself as saying something funny or witty, it may fall flat or be off-key to others around you, because you are not picking up on the context or the proper cues. This requires making more of an effort to be sensitive to how others feel and to try to put yourself in their shoes, not simply to openly express how you are feeling in an honest way. The world is chock full of jealous, unhappy, neurotic people, who perceive someone else's good fortune as a loss to themselves. If you get the biggest bonus check at the office, most of your colleagues don't really want to hear how happy you are about it. If you are a gym rat and you just achieved a lifetime personal best in the benchpress, and your physique shows it, most of your friends/colleagues don't really want to hear about it. You can't be a peacock without making yourself a target. You have to greatly soft-peddle your accomplishments and advantages and let those things speak for themselves. People want to talk about themselves and their own problems and accomplishments. Often the very best thing a person can do to generate interest is to shut up and listen. Hmm, I really really appreciate this response and will put these ideas to the test. I think you're right about the social cues cause I never understood why when I say something funny it isn't funny but the next guy can say it and it is funny
Author mr.dream merchant Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 But I don't understand why I can't openly express myself without being a target, why must socializing be a game of chess?
ErgoStep Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 It's not chess. It's like walking up to someone and slapping them in the face. To speak from a position of ego is asking for enemies, and drives the ladies away.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 It's not chess. It's like walking up to someone and slapping them in the face. To speak from a position of ego is asking for enemies, and drives the ladies away. So is it safe to say that one who is accomplished should never speak about their accomplishments to others who are less accomplished even if it comes up in conversation? It's not as if I walk around talking about this and that or how I'm so this or that, things about me come up in conversation. When I answer the questions truthfully or share an experience, these people think me arrogant or full of myself.
serial muse Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 (edited) But I don't understand why I can't openly express myself without being a target, why must socializing be a game of chess? It does seem that you have a problem with understanding social cues. What's more, you see them as a burden. But I sense a double-standard here, and I'm not saying this to be a jerk to you. You just seem to complain a lot about women wanting things from you that you don't want to give - primarily time, but also expressions, interest, whatever. And yet...you want things from people that they don't want to give. You want them to understand you, to find your jokes funny, to "get" you. You want them to give you patience and time and an investment in your self that you are not, at this moment, willing to give them. I suspect it's because you think that will mean you "lose" somehow. It's borne out of this chess idea. Well, no. Listening to others and learning to interact with them in a way in which everyone feels good - not just you!!! - is not a game of chess. It's a dance, and a stately, charming one, and you and your conversational companion are PARTNERS in it, not competitors. Perhaps, if you can come to see it this way, you'll be able to understand why you haven't succeeded at it as you would wish to. Edited November 14, 2011 by serial muse
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