mr.dream merchant Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 (edited) Lately, it seems women are a bit more cautious of me than say a couple years ago. How far do looks really take a guy in a woman's eyes? I'm not socially awkward, I do open my mouth and converse. I'm capable of being goofy and making a woman laugh. At times I joke about being into myself, but most of the time, people take it to heart because of my physical appearance. If only they knew to take it with a grain of salt. :/ I'm not void of a good personality but I have my moments, I'm human. Some days I don't want to be bothered, others I'm more outgoing. I don't know, it seems like I can't really land women like I used to before I had my good health. Are women somewhat intimidated by a handsome guy? Do they just assume he's a ladies man who's got his junk everywhere on a Fri Night? If there's an average guy who can make you laugh all of the time, and then a good looking guy who can make you laugh some of the time, who gets the woman? My brother and I were talking and you ever notice how, hefty people, or funny looking/not so good looking people are always hilarious? Whatever they say, or when they try to be funny, everyone is on the floor dying of laughter. But, its like, when a good looking person is outspoken or attempting to be funny, the effect isn't the same. They'll be looked at as arrogant or full of themselves. Do you believe that society kind of gives a person their role in a social gathering based off of their looks? What would be more preferred of a good looking guy from women? Outgoing and a jokester or quiet and reserved with witty remarks occasionally? Also, it sucks but guys always try to compete with me. In a social gathering, other men will try to "beta male" me. Come over and start chatting up the women around me, while making more than normal eye contact with me. My personality in a social setting is quiet, laid back. I like to listen and observe, laugh with people. Make remarks here and there. But it almost feels like some other guy could say exactly what I said, and people will find it funnier. I know my personality isn't that of Gandhi or John Stamos, but I'm not a douchebag. So why is it hard for me to socially connect with women? Why do all the okay looking women give me play but the good looking ones are very elusive with me? Should I just be the strong and silent type? It seems like people pay more attention to me at work when I don't speak. But whenever I'm friendly, negativity starts to spread. :/ Come to think of it, before, I was always quiet and mysterious to people. They hardly knew anything about me, and that drew women to me. Now that I'm outgoing, people pull away from me. I don't get it. People always tell me I'm full of myself. Even people I don't know. How is that possible? Is it my body language? What kind of body language would give someone who doesn't even know you, this idea? Edited November 10, 2011 by mr.dream merchant
Emilia Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Come to think of it, before, I was always quiet and mysterious to people. They hardly knew anything about me, and that drew women to me. Now that I'm outgoing, people pull away from me. I don't get it. People always tell me I'm full of myself. Even people I don't know. How is that possible? Is it my body language? What kind of body language would give someone who doesn't even know you, this idea? Now that you open your mouth more it takes people much shorter time to work out what an annoying air-head you are so they just run
LexiB Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Could it be that your reputation precedes you?
Beachgirl8 Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 You are full of yourself. People notice. What's your point?
LexiB Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Women are insecure creatures of darkness. They feel if you are good looking man you have bunch of option and girlfriends and will cheat on them. Specially if they feel you are more attractive than them. I went through it my self. Every time i was on a Date I was asked if I was a Player.... What you need to do is go for VERY attractive women. The regular, cold sore covered human females with entitlement complex are a waist of your and mine time, good looking bro. Ahh, but these are the very women he says he CAN'T get (go figure). Guess the "cold sore covered" variety will have to suffice. Given his reported sexual escapades though, that might not be a bad match...
Ilovewater Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 If a lot of different people notice that you are full of yourself, then you are, more likely than not, full of yourself. The problem is probably you and not them. From your whole post, the only thing you seem to focus on is your looks. Focus less on your looks and work on your personality. Looks don't get you very far in relationships unless you have other things going for you too.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 Well I'm neither an air head nor full of myself, so I guess I can trash those two replies. Let me correct myself, attractive women I can get. I just want to NOT come off as full of myself to people but it seems no matter what I do people spin it in a negative way. I wear a fitted shirt? I'm a show off. I talk to a co-worker about the gym? I'm a meathead. I tell a friend about a girl I dated? I'm a wannabe player. I don't get it. Its as if people just want to knock you down when you've got something going on. Is it my body language? Lord knows I can't be sarcastic about being into myself, they'll think I'm serious. Guess I'm misunderstood. What kind of body language would give you the impression someone is full of themselves?
Author mr.dream merchant Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 If a lot of different people notice that you are full of yourself, then you are, more likely than not, full of yourself. The problem is probably you and not them. From your whole post, the only thing you seem to focus on is your looks. Focus less on your looks and work on your personality. Looks don't get you very far in relationships unless you have other things going for you too. I touched on my appearance like twice, in a mild way. See what I mean? Its like I can't even be down to earth about things. I was just giving you the situation. I'm not ugly, I was giving you the truth - not boasting.
Emilia Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Are you seriously suggesting you don't know or understand how to come across more humble?
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Lately, it seems women are a bit more cautious of me than say a couple years ago. Probably because when you were young, just being good looking was enough for lots of girls. Now that you're approaching middle age, the fact that you have nothing else going for you is becoming a glaring issue. Wait a couple more years and see what happens. How far do looks really take a guy in a woman's eyes? Nowhere beyond, perhaps, a moment of pleasure at having a look at you. My brother and I were talking and you ever notice how, hefty people, or funny looking/not so good looking people are always hilarious? Whatever they say, or when they try to be funny, everyone is on the floor dying of laughter. That's quite a generalization. I assure you that there are stupid and boring "hefty" and funny looking people, as well as kind, compelling, funny, smart, creative and interesting good looking people. Also, it sucks but guys always try to compete with me. In a social gathering, other men will try to "beta male" me. Come over and start chatting up the women around me, while making more than normal eye contact with me. As usual, you vastly overestimate your importance in such a situation. I'm pretty sure you are a nonentity to the other guys. They are just doing what they do. Come to think of it, before, I was always quiet and mysterious to people. They hardly knew anything about me, and that drew women to me. Now that I'm outgoing, people pull away from me. I don't get it. People always tell me I'm full of myself. Even people I don't know. How is that possible? Is it my body language? What kind of body language would give someone who doesn't even know you, this idea? We don't know you, but the impression you give here on LS is that you are tremendously conceited but have few other qualities of any kind. It's not attractive. No amount of good looks makes it attractive. We can see good looking guys on TV or in a magazine or a movie all day long if we want to. There is this new guy here named Mr Sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxy. He seems like your psychic twin. Why don't you commiserate with him. Honestly, all snideness aside: if you don't develop yourself (and I'm not talking about a social persona to trot out at a party, but your real internal self), develop some interests other than yourself and what you look like and your (imagined) effect on people, become extremely good at something or a great asset in your work environment, you are going to just fade away. It's the fact that you are mostly absorbed with how hot you are, to the exclusion of all the other features of life on Earth, that renders you ignorable by all other people.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 I touched on my appearance like twice, in a mild way. See what I mean? Its like I can't even be down to earth about things. I was just giving you the situation. I'm not ugly, I was giving you the truth - not boasting. Your entire posting history here on LS hinges on how hot you think you are.
dasein Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 You are right in that people do attribute characteristics, right or wrong, based on looks. Human nature to lazily compartmentalize the people in our lives. Seek out people who have your same level of confidence and worth, sticking out and above in a group is an invitation to be whacked down like a mole by lesser people. It's human nature, and you don't realize it yet, but many people out there are intimidated by you in some way, and will react to that by attempting to tear you down. Because you don't regularly feel intimidation by others, you just don't realize it. You can either moderate your personality and responses, or seek out different crowds.
Ilovewater Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 I don't get it. Its as if people just want to knock you down when you've got something going on. Is it my body language? Lord knows I can't be sarcastic about being into myself, they'll think I'm serious. Guess I'm misunderstood. What kind of body language would give you the impression someone is full of themselves? No one is knocking you down because you've got something going on. You just think it that way. Like I said, if 100 different people are telling you that you're full of yourself, then you are giving out vibes that you are full of yourself. Most conceited people aren't going to admit that they are conceited. For you to change your body language or behaviors, you first have to accept that you are conceited. I touched on my appearance like twice, in a mild way. See what I mean? Its like I can't even be down to earth about things. I was just giving you the situation. I'm not ugly, I was giving you the truth - not boasting. Every thread you've started on LS talks about how good looking you are. If you are good looking, you don't need to keep emphasizing it. People will know you are. The fact that you bring it up every time shows that all you care about is looks.
rightfield Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 The next time you are in a group and you think others are trying to knock you down or "alpha male" you, tell them that you've been posting questions about these behaviors on LS under the screen name Mr. Dream Merchant. Then they'll back off and see you for the dreamy dream dream peddler that you are.
SteveC80 Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 I had the same experiences, mostly average to ok looking women just happy to bat out of their league and are willing to do anyhting for us are the ones that come easily To many women are nasty and insecure and will try to tear down really good looking guys as a defensive mechanism because either they dotn trust getting into a relartionship with us or deep down realize they arent in our league looks wise so they go into "i dont like guys who are too good loooking" mode When in reality as i said its a defenisve mechanism for them realizing they arent good enough Oh well id rather be a good looking guy who i know if a women is with me she cant wait to tear my clothes off then blah lookign dudes who women are with them just because insecure women fele safe with them and that they wont cheat
SteveC80 Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 You are right in that people do attribute characteristics, right or wrong, based on looks. Human nature to lazily compartmentalize the people in our lives. Seek out people who have your same level of confidence and worth, sticking out and above in a group is an invitation to be whacked down like a mole by lesser people. It's human nature, and you don't realize it yet, but many people out there are intimidated by you in some way, and will react to that by attempting to tear you down. Because you don't regularly feel intimidation by others, you just don't realize it. You can either moderate your personality and responses, or seek out different crowds. Women do it more then Men, Men for the most part have more life experience then women and realize you cant judge everything by how it looks
RiverRunning Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Women who aren't as attractive as the guy are right to be wary and to turn and run in the other direction - because study after study shows that in couples where the guy is the more stereotypically attractive, he's more likely to cheat or be unhappy in his relationship, and that doesn't bode well for either person. I wouldn't shop out of my league either for that reason. And yes, when he's got -ANY- girl he could want hanging off of his every word or just waiting to have me out of the way, he's more inclined to cheat. Why do politicians and famous people cheat so much? Because they have power and they have opportunity. I'm not saying men are mindless monsters that will screw anything, but there's a great deal of temptation there. I'd rather just be with an Average Joe. Even I've seen the frequency of your posts and how often you focus on your looks. You always seem to conclude that your looks are the reason people treat you well or treat you badly. Initially, and forevermore to some degree, this will be true. But you don't seem to say anything else about your traits and how that impacts how others look at you. If someone criticizes a facet of your personality (like the arrogance), you just chalk it up to, "They're jealous." If they have something good to say about you or they seem to like you, it's still, "I'm good-looking and that's why." There are other parts of you but you do need to develop them. As we get older, looks MUST become less important to all of us. We're all going to look old and rubbery one day. People who aren't as 'attractive' usually have to develop other traits to compensate. Maybe they're unusually well-read, then, or they're funny or whatever else. It doesn't seem you've really taken the time to hone what else you have to offer somebody.
SteveC80 Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Women who aren't as attractive as the guy are right to be wary and to turn and run in the other direction - because study after study shows that in couples where the guy is the more stereotypically attractive, he's more likely to cheat or be unhappy in his relationship, and that doesn't bode well for either person. I wouldn't shop out of my league either for that reason. And yes, when he's got -ANY- girl he could want hanging off of his every word or just waiting to have me out of the way, he's more inclined to cheat. Why do politicians and famous people cheat so much? Because they have power and they have opportunity. I'm not saying men are mindless monsters that will screw anything, but there's a great deal of temptation there. I'd rather just be with an Average Joe. Even I've seen the frequency of your posts and how often you focus on your looks. You always seem to conclude that your looks are the reason people treat you well or treat you badly. Initially, and forevermore to some degree, this will be true. But you don't seem to say anything else about your traits and how that impacts how others look at you. If someone criticizes a facet of your personality (like the arrogance), you just chalk it up to, "They're jealous." If they have something good to say about you or they seem to like you, it's still, "I'm good-looking and that's why." There are other parts of you but you do need to develop them. As we get older, looks MUST become less important to all of us. We're all going to look old and rubbery one day. People who aren't as 'attractive' usually have to develop other traits to compensate. Maybe they're unusually well-read, then, or they're funny or whatever else. It doesn't seem you've really taken the time to hone what else you have to offer somebody. Im sure the average or unattractive Men t will be happy to nkow the women chose them because they dotn think theyre good looking enough to cheat on them
Lucky_One Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Well I'm neither an air head nor full of myself, so I guess I can trash those two replies. Really? You certainly come across as extremely conceited here. Read The Picture of Dorian Gray, if you want to know why women are cooling towards your "considerable" charms.
dasein Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Really? You certainly come across as extremely conceited here. Read The Picture of Dorian Gray, if you want to know why women are cooling towards your "considerable" charms. LOL, agree with that, good call.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 Again, I'm just telling it like it is. If you feel like I'm conceited, **** your opinion.
loversquarrel Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Judging by what you've written, you seem like you think you are better than what you are, and you also seem to be trying too hard to be something you're not. Don't you know how much of a turn off that is to women? Listen to yourself - if I was a woman I'd probably laugh at you, not with you. As for those other guys giving you looks while they're trying to cut in on your conversation, its due to you not showing enough confidence - I like to think of it as command presence. Most guys won't eff with you if you show confidence.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Post a picture. Lets see you in all your glorious handsomeness.
Ilovewater Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 (edited) Again, I'm just telling it like it is. If you feel like I'm conceited, **** your opinion. Then why do you keep asking for them? I don't see the problem with admitting that you're conceited. It'll at least help you see why you are giving out vibes that you are. It's like an alcoholic refusing to accept the fact that they are alcoholics. Of course they're never going to change if they never admit their problem. I know a lot of people who are conceited (due to the profession that I'm in), and they always think people are laying in on them because other people are jealous of them. The thing is, that's not usually the case at all. Most people aren't out to get them because of jealousy. Arrogance is just not a well-received characteristic. If you can't reflect on your own characteristics and actions, asking questions on these forums is never going to help you. Why do you think 99% of the people tell you that you are full of yourself? THAT'S BECAUSE YOU ARE. If you weren't, then so many people wouldn't be saying that. How you can't see that is unbelievable. Edited November 11, 2011 by Ilovewater
threebyfate Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 If you look around, people get together with others of approximate looks and socio-economic levels or more importantly, other qualities like similar intelligence and personality. If you can't get what you want, it's possible you're a victim of the Flynn Effect.
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