JudgeJuryExecutioner Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 The forum Gods appear to relish in the opportunity to decode cryptic relationship scenarios, namely, reducing complex situations into digestible soundbites (I've been a lurker since April). Please, therefore, analyze the following situation: on/off relationship of 4 years now currently and seemingly permanently off; ex quit her job; jettisoned the dog; moved to a large city to live with several roommates (both male/female/childhood friends); downgraded her career; is in her very late twenties; hooked up with a man she pathologically "hooks up" with every post-breakup; calls/texts/FB's me unrelentingly; and states: "I love you deeply but cannot be in a relationship right now"- all direct and willful choices it appears stem from the premature and tragic death of her little brother. Now, I started NC in August. However, she will not stop contacting me. The title of the subject is illustrative: I have received a terse "I sorry" approximately every week for about 7 months. I realize contact serves its function to alleviate guilt. And, I've tried to be supportive of her despite the egoism inherent in childlike "love," that is, the self-referential type that merely seeks one's own rational self-interest. In specific, I understand that she's going through a personal crisis (shouldn't this imply a relationship is thereby fortified?) and initially, my running line was "I completely understand". However, then I also realized, she's still ****ing some other dude- i.e. it is impossible for her to be alone. While we were together, I told her if she ever sleep with this man again, I'd stoically cut her off. Each time she calls I think of my pride and not the more lofty idea of transcendent love. Where is the threshold for the right decision? As to "breadcrumbs," ha! I could reiterate things she has said that would make the forum implode. Needless to say, the philosophical starting point is one of an unhealthy relationship. Second question: what is better Verlaines and Rimbaud or the Cleavers? In other words, do we often mistake hallucination, possession, and passion for something defies these qualities, meaning: someone we can simply rely on.
wilsonx Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 (edited) Very intuitive post. The right decision is the one that is best for you. Do you think you can ever honestly be happy with her sleeping with the other guy and then come back to you when shes done. How much do you value your own self worth? The texts from her "breadcrumbs" as we call them are her doing everything not to let go. She knows she's betrayed you, but shes not mature enough emotionally to stop or let go. The saying "have your cake and eat it too applies here" So what she says should in the long term of things mean nothing to you if you have a high sense of self worth. She betrayed you, she knows it, you know it. The relationship is over. You are trying to let go. She's insecure and doesnt know how to let go. If you want, you can tell her you forgive her, its ok, be happy so you both can be at peace. As for your second question, you can't rely on her! How can you rely on her"? She's a child emotionally! Edited November 10, 2011 by wilsonx
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