ChelseaLS Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Okay so as most you know, its been just over a month since my break with my ex after 6 years yadda yadda yadda. So I get a text from one of his best buddies, but who doesn't live here, his gf sends me a text saying: "Hey O said you guys might be coming up next week for a visit"... Umm... what? No... we don't live together anymore. He hasn't told his family and I guess his friends back home. This strikes me as very odd. I didn't tell her that. I replied: "Maybe B is, but my mom will be here so not me". I didn't want to spread the news... I will leave that to him for his friends and family to scold him lol jk. Then she asks if we'll be here for Christmas... I just replied "nope, not this year". Then she says they will have to make a trip down to see us.... I am SO confused as to why he hasn't told anyone?... over a month later. My pictures are still on his desk, he hasn't changed his FB status (which I won't do, because again I want him to have to explain it away). Im at loss...
Bobby289 Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Is he afraid to face the facts himself? or just trying to pretend it hasen't happened? Curious what he told his friend for her to text you...
Author ChelseaLS Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 I know!... as in I don't get it either. I am not saying a peep to anyone outside my circle of family and friends and co-workers lol. He gets to tell his family and friends... but he hasn't. Perhaps and I know I am digging at something that isn't there, perhaps he regrets it but since rent is paid for my new place and yadda yadda yadda... I don't know.
wilsonx Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Look, a break is a break up in the making. A lot of people do not understand this. It's a cowards way out. You can't just put a relationship on hold. You are either in or you are out. Look how its affecting you. You do not know whats going on. He's going to string it along until you do something and end it because you are tired of it or he finally gets his plan A in action
USMCHokie Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Sorry I dont know the background or details of your break or whatever it is, but how are these things in any way relevant to your life...? By the way, I treat any break as a breakup...if you don't have the balls to stay now, why would you have the balls to stay the next time...?
Author ChelseaLS Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 I know your stance on breaks wilsonx and I know they are harsh... actually all your advice is... and I understand it's warranted. However I don't believe that breaks are a break up in the making. I know many people who have had breaks and got back together and got married and stayed married. And if that is the case, he can string it along all he wants to not tell people... they aren't my people. He will have to explain to his family one day why I am not there.
wilsonx Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 I know your stance on breaks wilsonx and I know they are harsh... actually all your advice is... and I understand it's warranted. However I don't believe that breaks are a break up in the making. I know many people who have had breaks and got back together and got married and stayed married. And if that is the case, he can string it along all he wants to not tell people... they aren't my people. He will have to explain to his family one day why I am not there. read USMC's advice, thats a personal boundary, something you are lacking. My advice is harsh to those that have no personal boundaries, people are like thats mean. You say but you know people that have gotten back together and are married, and your point is? Thats the very small percent of the population. Why risk it. Build your self esteem up. Create personal boundaries. Create a sense of value in yourself breaks are emotional manipulation, its that simple. It doesnt matter what he explains to his family. How long are you going to dangle on this string before you move on with your life and find someone that has a strong set of personal boundaries that involves breaks = breakups
Author ChelseaLS Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 Personal boundaries is something I am currently learning. Small population or not, it happens. My self-esteem is up. I don't need him, never have... wanted him yes. I am not afraid to be alone. I do value myself, I know I am worth it, I also know I am smart, and beautiful. Why risk it? Because I rather risk it and fail, but know that I gave it a shot, then walk away and never know. Will it hurt? Sure, it will. That's a choice I make.. my choice, not yours, not his, no ones but mine. As for moving on, I moved out right away. I have had low contact with him, I never initiated, he contacts me. I go out with friends, dived into learning new things, therapy... I am taking all the steps to move on. Take your stance, I will take mine.
wilsonx Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 There are no stances here. It's your life, its your choice. You have all the information in front of you. My friends told me 2 years ago that I was making a mistake, never once listened to them with the evidence in front of me. Took me 2 years to realize, holy ****, they were right. I had to experience it for myself. You have to experience this for yourself to learn. We tried to give you a shortcut but its your life, what ever decision you make no one can judge but yourself. Good Luck
Sooner or Later Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I would consider changing your FB status to Single. It sends him a message and will force him into confronting what he started to himself and others. At the very least, hide your relationship status--people will figure it out that way, too. By keeping it as Attached, you are handing him the control and letting him decide when HE is going to change his and play the next move. Take control of this!
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