Bobibble Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Hello everyone, first of all I would just like to say that anxiety is nothing new for me, I've dealt with it my whole life. I have seen therapists, psychologists, gone through all of that and nothing has really helped too much except to help me figure out where it's all coming from. I'm currently in a 6 month long relationship with the most amazing and supportive guy I have met in my entire life. This is my longest relationship and by far my healthiest relationship, and through the honeymoon stage everything was FINE, and right after (ironically around the time my past relationships ended), I began to get extremely anxious and doubtful. It wasn't as if anything went wrong, everything was better then ever, but I kept having these nagging doubts of whether or not I love him, whether or not he is the one. I've gotten to a point where I find it difficult to look at other attractive guys because I run the fear of somehow hurting my boyfriend (even though my anxiety would prove that I wouldn't even dream of doing such a thing). All of this has made me very anxious, especially the last two months. I've been to therapists and they said this all stems from my childhood. My mom was a verbal abuser to me as early as age 2. When I wouldn't eat or would throw up (I have a very sensitive stomach), she would worry to the point where she would yell and scream at me. As I got older, it became more verbally abusive to where she ridiculed me and scolded me and made it seem like I wasn't good enough. There was some physical abuse as well and all of it lasted until I was 15 at which it simmered down and to this day I get spurts of it every few months or so. My therapist says that I am so confused on what love really is because of my mom's actions, on top of the fact that this is my first healthy and good relationship that I am worried I'm going to hurt him or that I simply can't trust him even though he has done absolutely NOTHING to make me not trust him. He is extremely supportive of this whole situation and knows everything and I am determined NOT to let him go, I want to be with him for as long as possible (even though I fear that whole concept and fear whether or not I really do want that) so I was just wondering if anybody knows of anything that would help me because I am seriously on the brink of losing it. Sorry this was so long by the way.
Author Bobibble Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 Oh and a couple of more things I would like to add: I can't seem to find myself being able to day dream about potential scenarios that could happen with him, and to some extent the idea of marrying him. I have pictured it before and I can do it, however alot of the time I find it difficult to. As far as the daydreaming goes, that would get me into alot of trouble and false hope in the past so I feel like it MAY be a good thing that I don't do that as much this time around. When I think about him, I just think about what he's doing right now and what he's thinking and how he is. One final thing, I'm 20 years old. I think of that as a reason for alot of my anxiety, especially surrounding the whole thinking of marriage because I know I'm mentally not ready. Me and my boyfriend have talked about it and talked about kids and our life together, but I know we're both nowhere near ready for that level of commitment.
FitChick Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Conventional therapy is a waste of time and money. I used to be like you and totally turned my relationships around. Try the Lefkoe Method. It will change your relationship before you sabotage it. Try their free program and report back as to how it worked for you, please.
Author Bobibble Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 I would like to do something on my own, thank you though. Anybody have any advice on how to change my mentality on my own? I know it's all my fears because I'm finally in the one thing I've always wanted and I'm scared.
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