Boyfriends gone away, not sure if he will cheat

[Leigh 87]

I have been seeing a guy since last Feb.

 

We are very close. We are each others first love.

 

We are 24, and although we do not want to settle down and have kids, we still wanted to travel together and be young and have fun, whilst together.

 

 

He is on a ten day cruise with his best single mate. Just the two of them. I cannot call him, as his phone is out of range.

 

We have slept together in the same bed and hugegd tightly every night. We became unbelievably close.

 

We have seen each other literally every day since we fell in love, back in about May, and have only been apart when we have travelled.

 

When he last travelled, to QLD, to sail on his fathers boat, we talked every day, often, and he sent good morning and good night texts.

 

 

NOW: I have lost my phone, and we have not talked in days. The last time we talked, everything was the same. He said he wanted to be happy with me, and hopefully for years to come. He said he did not want other girls.

 

 

HOWEVER: he is away, and we have not talked in days. I cannot contact him, and him and his friend cannot use their phones readily ( trust me, they love taking pics of their travels and would deff post pics on facebook of the beautiful tropical getaway they r on).

 

 

Not talking to him is worrying me. perhaps the lack of contact will cause him to lose feelings towards me?

 

I say this because: we have been through a LOT together. A LOT. We only JUST, in the last TWO DAYS before him leaving, reached a happy place, the way we both want to be in the relationship.

 

 

I am worried that time without me, will make him think that the drama will not change ( that I am not capable of it), and he will wanrt to move on.

 

Logically, he did say he wanted to be happy with me, anmd could see us being very happy.

 

Even with no jobs, no money, g aining weight and feeling physically unhealthy, and me getting over my eating disorder and having a million high maintenance issues...

 

EVen under those worse possible circumstances ( besides illness death or hardships..)...... we STILLL loved each other ! We had a strong, very strong love, even when our lives were not what we wanted.

 

 

 

I am scared! We have not talked in days! This has never happened. He always told me, the last time he was away, that he would always cal me every day, unless there was a good reason stopping him.

 

 

The COST of calling me is expensive, but I would still like to think Iam worth calling at least once every day? COnsidering he knows I miss him terribly when he goes, and he KNOWS I love talking to him once a day.

 

Could it be possible that he cannot even call me? Seeing as him nor his mate have posted facebook pics of their holiday so far ( when they r both the type who ALWAYS post pics of such things!)

 

 

 

I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I love this guy, very much! He is the closest I have ever been to a person in my life, besides my parents.

 

I am so scared he will forget about his feelings for me and decide to move on while on the crusie!

 

Will not talking to me likely; cause him to remember the BAD times, or the GOOD times?

 

 

Last time he was away, he said he only could think about the good times and not the bad. Is that anhy indicator?

 

 

I Just need him to call so I know he still wants to be with me.

 

Logically, everything seamed normal when he left, and he wanted to hug and be close before leaving.....

 

Does love suddenly just fade with NO apparent warning? Does Absence sometimes make the heart grow weaker?

 

Lastly: He KNOWS that I adore him, and that I would be utterly devastated if he went with other girls. He KNOWS that I WOULD be very hurt/

 

KNowing it would hurt me, he would have to be a right @sshole to cheat.

 

Besides - he tells me that if I did anything, he would be so upset that he would not talk to be again.

[Leigh 87]

When he left, he told me he would very much love it if I: got a job: quit smoking: cleaned the house we both live in.

 

 

So far, since he left about 3 days ago, I have:

 

- got a job intweview today at a gym

- got the looking for work allowance from the government, and am hooked up with an employment agency that are GREAT at getting ppl work

 

- quit smoking the day he left. Did not buy another packet and won't.

 

 

- have done a little exercise every day, counting the da he left I had been super slim perviously, but let myself go since meeting him.

 

- am going to go to a gym class tonight and go every day from then on ( seeing as I have no job, I have the time and motivation to easily get my body in great shape)

[Leigh 87]

I realize I need to get on with my life, and sort my life out without him, and I know he cares about me and will be proud.

 

 

I know people here will tell me to just better myself, and be happy, so that it is only a nice bonus if he wants me.

 

I know I need to learn to be happy with myself, so that I do not need him.

 

I am starting to put all that into place, however: I am still IN LOVE with him, and am SH@T scared that he will cheat.

 

 

Again, logically - if he truly did care a lot, he knows it would hurt me, aqnd he would not do i t without telling me first, that he did not wnt to be with me.

[BmwSauber]

Sounds to me that you have trust issues with this man. I mean if you love him to death, then shouldn't you trust him? You have to remember that most cruise ships are for people to get away from the world so him not calling you or going on facebook may be due to the fact that there is no connection/cell service. Just be patient and see him when he gets back, he genuinely loves you and will not break up with you just because you let yourself go.

[Leigh 87]

He does not have reception - I cannot contact him at all, however, I am not sure if HE can contact ME.

 

Perhaps he can contact me, but it is simply very expensive. The thing is - the last time he went away, about 1.5 months ago, he went WAY OVER his phone bill, and said " I was worth it, I don't care".

 

 

Perhaps he has realized that he does not miss me enough to need to contact me: after all, if he missed me that much, he would go to a pay phone, which I AM SURE are plenty on the boat, and CALL ME.

 

 

He rang the day after he left, and said he missed me, and missed me in bed - he asked if I missed him and seamed to want me to say that I missed him too.

 

 

 

I am at a total loss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We were around each other every day - perhaps that is why he does not feel the need to call me.

 

SURELY the **** has pay phones or the internet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

If he DOES decide that he does not want to be with me, and has lost the feelings towards me, he AT LEAST should NOT cheat!!! he KNOWS it would deeply hurt me.

 

Even if he hass lost feelings for me and no longer wants me, he still would care about me, and therefore if he went with other girls, it would truly be a nasty thing to do.

 

I would probably not talk to him for a good while.

 

 

HELP!!! I love this guy sooooooo much and we got very close:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( it is so weird not talking to him for days - it has never happened since we fell in love.

 

SInce APril or May, we have literally seen each other every day, apart from when he went away for a month.

 

 

Last time he went away a mointh and a half ago, he called or texted a lort every day... HOwever I do not have my mobile so he cannot text this time.

[Citizen Erased]

You expect him to call you when you have lost your phone? Maybe he has but you wouldn't know cos...your phone is lost.

 

If your relationship can't last 10 days without talking, there really wasn't anything there to begin with. Feelings and fidelity don't go away just cos you haven't spoken on the phone for a few days.

 

Let him have fun on his holiday. Try and calm down a little.

[Lucky_One]

He can't contact you if you have lost your phone. Go get another one.

 

And tell him to quit going on expensive 10 day cruises with buddies if his GF is going on gov't assistance and if you are both unemployed. Building a stable life with you should be a priority rather than "having fun".

[Kamille]

Falling in love with someone releases an on-slaught of hormones in the blood-stream. These hormones have many effects - they produce attraction and they produce attachment. Their effects could be compared to that of a drug.

 

To be honest, it sounds to me like you're in withdrawal. He isn't around, so you're not getting your daily release of feel-good hormones. And, like anyone in withdrawal, you're currently in a state of anxiety.

 

You're mistaking the cause of your anxiety. It isn't that he is likely to cheat or lose feelings for you: that's just an effect of anxiety, not the cause of it. (I'm feeling anxious, depressed, sad? Why am I feeling depressed, anxious, sad? It must be because I'm worried about him. What if he cheats? What if he is losing feelings for me?) Instead, what is causing your anxiety is that you're in withdrawal. (I'm feeling anxious depressed, sad. Why am I feeling this? Oh yeah, because we've spent the last six months together and he isn't here. Of course I feel sad and a bit lost. It's normal to feel this. He'll be back soon. I won't let anxiety get the best of me.)

[Leigh 87]

Thanks so much for your perspective.

 

Your all right. I have lost my mobile ( my main contact), however, I have my home phone.

 

I just got off the phone to my dad - my parents live overseas.

 

I was crying so badly over missing Andrew, that I had to talk to him.

 

Dad said if if ANdrew's phone is out of range and I am unable to contact him, that it goes both ways -

 

If I cannot get through to his phone, then Andrew cannot contact me, either.

 

His phone is out of service to me, as he is in another country,a nd is with a sh*t phone company that has dodgy reception at best.

 

 

 

Knowing he may nto be ABLE to call me makes me feel better.

 

 

LOGICALLY - we were still in love when he left, as far as I know.

 

He called me Tuesday, the day after he left on the cruise,

 

He told me he missed me and everything seamed usual ( although I could barly hear him, as he is so far away).

 

 

 

If he truly did love me, then it shouldn't just fade due to lack of contact?

 

 

He is the closest I have ever been to a person in my life. In my whole life.

 

For years, I suffered mental issues, and could not let any people in.

 

He is the first person in years and years who I have b een truly close to.

 

Without him, and with my parents overseas, I guess I feel at a loss.

 

 

I had a lot of fun with him, I constantly laughed we both did.

 

Now, I am out of laughs.

 

HOWEVER. I am just getting on with my life - the ten days apart is a chance for me to get a job and work out every day

 

I want a career in fitness, and I have already got two job interviews for personal training positions.

 

 

I have also quit smoking since he left. That was easy or some reason!

 

 

I am doing it for MYSELF, however; he said he would be so proud of me, if I quit smoking, and got a job in the ten days he was away.

 

 

 

The SECOND I hear from him, I will immediately feel great again.

 

You know - I felt great today, my first day back at the gym.

 

Although, as you know, there are differnt variations of great.

 

Without him, he was the only close person I have around me.

 

Even if I had a lot of good friends, I would still feel his absence burning some sort of whole within my heart, as I LOVE him. i really love him:(

 

 

 

I will NEVER take hi

[Leigh 87]

I will NEVER take him for granted if he get sback and everything is fine with us,

 

 

I will be so thrilled to be able to spend my time closely with him, that I will just make the MOST of my time with him.

[erika2610]

Your dad is right. He most likely doesn't have reception. I went on a cruise with my boyfriend, and was out of contact with my family for a week. There was only one day I was able to talk to them, and that was because we were on an island where I got reception. My boyfriend regularly goes on cruises and I'm lucky if I hear from him one of those days. If you do get reception a ship, the calls are outrageously expensive.

[Leigh 87]

Thank goddddddddddddddd!

 

In the past, Andrew told me that the only reason he would not call me ( when away from me, such as on holidays), is because he literally CAN;T.

 

 

If he can, he will, he has said.

 

 

I do not know why his feelings for me would have changed because he is on a cruise, and does not have phone reception.

 

He is very short on cash right now, and can barly afford to do anything ont he cruise, much less call a girlfriend that he KNOWS adores him.

 

The last thing i said to him, was about my jobn interview, and me quitting smoking.

 

I got a job interview and and quit smoking the day after he left, therefore he prob thought i was managing okay, and did not need to spend ridiculous amounts of money to call me and check up on me.

 

 

I have been a mess so far, little does he know.. however, I guess that is nothing that working out at the gym every day will not fix.....

 

 

Ultimately, I feel very lost and upset without contact with him; I love him a great deal. We have been very, very close - our love is an intense and special kind, between to initially unlikely people.

 

 

 

I miss him very much and not talking to him scares me - makes me wonder if his feelings have changed.

[Leigh 87]

I am in Australia, and he is in New Caledonia and Venuato ( I do not know how to spell it and am too lazy to google it)

 

 

If you cannot get reception on cruises, aren't there readily available pay phones as such?

 

 

What about when they dock? KNowing Andrew, he would want to go party on those tropical Islands.

 

I am fine with him partying his head off, however, not when he does not contact me at all for days.

 

it makes me feel as though he has stopped missng and loving me, since the contact has stopped completely.

[erika2610]

I am in Australia, and he is in New Caledonia and Venuato ( I do not know how to spell it and am too lazy to google it)

 

 

If you cannot get reception on cruises, aren't there readily available pay phones as such?

 

 

What about when they dock? KNowing Andrew, he would want to go party on those tropical Islands.

 

I am fine with him partying his head off, however, not when he does not contact me at all for days.

 

it makes me feel as though he has stopped missng and loving me, since the contact has stopped completely.

 

I can only tell you from my experience. There was a phone in the cabin, but I wouldn't even want to know what it would have cost to call home even once! As far as the islands, it depends on which one you're on. We went to three islands, and were only able to get reception on one.

[Leigh 87]

He called early this morning.

 

He said he was happy to get through to me finally, and it was a real downer when I said I did not know what was going on with us two.

 

He thought I was angry with him for not calling - which in turn, frustrated him, as he said he could not call, as he had no phone reception ( and had tried calling me a few times!).

 

 

I reassured him that I was not angry at all, just missed him, and was so thrilled to finally hear from him.

 

He said everything is still the same in regards to his feelings for me.

[Niagara Falls]

if you dont already, i think you should consider a psychiatrist.. but atleast your setting this right for yourself. finding a job and quitting smoking, thats great.

 

 

also you obviously dont lack trust in him, you just lack a whole level of confidence that you need to have a succesful relationship. your freaking out like hes cheated on you before and wants nothing to do with you.

 

for gods sake, hes in the carribean, and at his age he probably hasnt gotten many chances at traveling like that, especially recently, being young and not having a stable income. so hes probably out having the time of his life. let him have fun, hes going to call when he can.

 

it sounds like you have a bit of a social disorder and it may be necessary to see someone about it

[Leigh 87]

I do have a social disorder, but I can still have ppl like me and be very affable at times.

 

 

My past just has made me unstable, regarding my moods. However, once I get a stable job and work out most days for an hour, I will feel 100% fine.

 

 

I have always wanted a career in fitness, as working out for about an hour most days is a top priority to me, as it makes me a much happier person.

 

I have not done anything with my life lately, neither has my boyfriend, snd in turn, I have not liked the person I was being.

 

I am slowly leanring to like myself more, by being a better person. In turn, I am less afflicted by paranoia and such matters, regarding my boyfriend.

 

I think he will come back and we will have a blast. I am happier than I have ever been previosuly with him, because I am sorting out my life.

 

Him going is the best thing for me right now, as I can 100% focus on my self.

 

He is a guy I love being around, the type of guy I want in my life, so of course I am hoping things are great with us for a few good years to come.

 

Of course, I am putting things into place in my life, so if the worse should occur, I will be already getting on with my life.

[fatalcharm]

Don't worry, if you cant contact him then chances are that he cant contact you. There may very well be pay phones on the ship or phones in the cabin, but they are likely to have as much reception as a mobile/cell phone, since they are on a ship and can't use a landline.

 

If the last couple days before he left were great between the two of you, then you really have nothing to worry about because that will be what he is remembering on his trip, not the bad times. He would be feeling positive about the relationship.

 

Congratulations on quitting smoking, getting the job interview and actively looking for work. Not only does this show him how much you want to make it work, but you will soon be feeling much better and more confident in yourself and when that happens, little issues like this wont bother you so much.

 

You do need to chill out a little, actually you need to chill out a lot. Trust me, I do this myself. I over think things like this and I end up really worried and sometimes even feel sick. Its not worth it. You will stress yourself out so much that you will end up loosing sleep and feeling run-down then he will get back and tell you that he tried to call you a thousand times because he missed you so much, but had no reception and had no other way of contacting you. You will realize that all the stress was over nothing. Try not to think about it, and try and focus on something in your spare time. Create some art, take some photos or something. Do something to keep your mind off it.

 

Oh, I just read your comment -he did call you. Great that he was able to get in contact. Next time it happens, try not to over think too much. It will do your head in.

 

All the best :-)