annabanana85 Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 I met a guy in the club 2 weeks ago. We totally hit it off; danced, talked all night. He was not sleazy at all and we just kissed on the lips. He told me he is divorced but when I asked about his relationship he said it is complicated and brushed it off He gave me a ride home and gave me his phone no, telling me to call him. I txted him and we had a date last night. I googled him before the date and found out that he is probably still married! His wife has a pic of them together on FB as her profile pic. During our date, he was super polite and nice but also very formal at the same time. He was kinda impersonal and not flirtatious; although we talked a lot, it was mostly about intellectual things and not very personal. He did not make any moves on me, did not flirt. Also he kept getting phone calls throughout dinner from his wife and had to apologize himself like 3 times to go out and talk (once he took like 10 minutes)! When he dropped me off at my place, he parked the car and we had a long conversation. He told me that he is frustrated with his life and needs a change. He is kind of having a midlife crisis (he is 31) and wants to feel young again. he also said that he feels like a dirty old man hanging out with me (I'm 25) although he thinks I am very mature and smart. He did not kiss me goodnight saying that he was sick and when I left the car, he said we should see eachother this wknd. The topic of the "ex-wife" or wife was never brought up and since we were kinda formal, I felt awkward bringing it up. I feel so confused now! What does he want from me? Obviously it's not just sex since he did not even make a move!
ShannonMI Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 I met a guy in the club 2 weeks ago. We totally hit it off; danced, talked all night. He was not sleazy at all and we just kissed on the lips. He told me he is divorced but when I asked about his relationship he said it is complicated and brushed it off He gave me a ride home and gave me his phone no, telling me to call him. I txted him and we had a date last night. I googled him before the date and found out that he is probably still married! His wife has a pic of them together on FB as her profile pic. During our date, he was super polite and nice but also very formal at the same time. He was kinda impersonal and not flirtatious; although we talked a lot, it was mostly about intellectual things and not very personal. He did not make any moves on me, did not flirt. Also he kept getting phone calls throughout dinner from his wife and had to apologize himself like 3 times to go out and talk (once he took like 10 minutes)! When he dropped me off at my place, he parked the car and we had a long conversation. He told me that he is frustrated with his life and needs a change. He is kind of having a midlife crisis (he is 31) and wants to feel young again. he also said that he feels like a dirty old man hanging out with me (I'm 25) although he thinks I am very mature and smart. He did not kiss me goodnight saying that he was sick and when I left the car, he said we should see eachother this wknd. The topic of the "ex-wife" or wife was never brought up and since we were kinda formal, I felt awkward bringing it up. I feel so confused now! What does he want from me? Obviously it's not just sex since he did not even make a move! He wants you as his side piece. Are you going to be happy with that? He wants to f*ck you. That's all. Is he going to leave his wife for you? Probably not. They never do. I had a married man all up in my sh*t this weekend and while I'd do him in a heartbeat, HE'S MARRIED!!!! I've been friends with him for years and he's always flirted with me, but he was real persistant this last time I saw him. I told him it would never happen. Why, may I ask, did you follow through with the date? After you found out that he was married? Not cool. I think you may want to go over to the other man/woman section of Loveshack. You won't get many friendly answers here I'm afraid.
Bobibble Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 One thing I have learned, never get involved with a married man. Not because of the moral issues, but more of the fact that he will NOT leave his wife for you. In the rare case he does, would you really want a man like that anyways? He would most likely do the same thing to you with another woman. Then again, if you are just looking to have sex, and you are okay with the fact that he's married, then I guess move forward. But I personally would never be able to do that because I would feel too guilty the entire time. My best advice would be to let him go and move on to the next man. Preferably one that is single . You said you're 25? I'm sure there's plenty of men that are your age, even older that are not married!
Mutant Debutante Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Hahahahaha. Nobody has a midlife crisis at THIRTY ONE. Guess it was a good line though seems like it worked. Seriously, that's hysterical. And you should not believe a word this dude says.
OneFootOut Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 If this guy is having a mid-life crisis at 31, he has deeper issues than just being a cheater. Use your own mind, and end it. Don't act like a confused little kitten waiting for HIM to tell you what to do. Go find a single man, his wife would probably appreciate it. I have absolutely no tolerance for cheating from either side of it. If he wants someone other than his wife, he needs to put a respectful and dignified end to that relationship before he steps into another one. And if you know he is married and continue messing with him and end up sleeping with him, then shame on you.
Cypress25 Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Isn't 31 a bit too young for a mid-life crisis? Sounds more like a 7-year itch to me. Do you really need people to tell you not to get involved with a married man? Aren't you smarter than that?
Lobouspo Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 This thread his hilarious. No offense OP but you are either very naive or very pathietic
Lobouspo Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 I meant pathetic .....Like i said though, how would you like it if someone you vested your life in was seeing women behind your back? Obviously he is charming, but he is reeling you in. IME no good comes from these things. I apologize for coming across as abrasive and judgemental....but people only get hurt in these situations
Dust Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 A 31 year old who feels dirty for dating a 25 year old???? This guy has issues. How dare he date any one not at least 30. Seriously I'll date a girl as long as she's hot I don't care how old or most likely young!!! (obviously I'll try to avoid jail bait)
joystickd Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 I will say stay away from married people. I know because I have been with 2 married women. Some people here will say I am scum but who cares. Its not a good situation to be in. As I have learned the hard way these type of people are not mature. If you are committed to someone and you don't end that relationship to pursue someone else then that is immature. My experiences was initially just to have sex. I was horny, but it wasn't the right thing for me to do. Plus you don't want to deal with the drama that comes with it. I will admit I was a little nervous after one of my experiences considering I am a black guy and i banged a white woman that was married to a white man. I just seem to attract married women.. I never pursue them they pursue me. JUST STAY AWAY FROM MARRIED PEOPLE ITS NO GOOD!!!!!
Author annabanana85 Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 I know some poeple on this board will judge me but some more things happened since the first date and the whole situation keeps getting stranger and stranger: On Thursday he texted me saying that he got tickets for both of us to go clubbing on Saturday and he wants to take me to a movie on Friday. We kept texting eachother whole day. Last night we met up to go see the movie. He was still kind of cold and kept giving off a nervous and restless vibe. The whole date was super formal. He did not flirt or try to make any sort of physical contact except giving me a small peck on the lips at the end. He kept checking his phone (a different number, not the wife) this time and again paid with cash. After the movie, in the car he kept talking about how he is depressed with life and wants to make life changes and does not know what he wants anymore. Tomorrow night we are supposed to go clubbing. I do not know what to think. I have two theories: (i) He is a very messed up guy who just wants some companionship and he is not interested in anything physical. (ii) He is a sociopath and this whole thing is a game to him and his ultimate goal is to sleep with me. What do you guys think?
OneFootOut Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 ... and the whole situation keeps getting stranger and stranger You act like you have no mind and no choice in the matter, like you are just going along with whatever he does or says. You need to step up and stop this and go find your own available unattached man. Stop texting, accepting his calls, dates, and attention. Stop ALLOWING the 'situation' to go any further. Not only are you participating in ruining his marriage, but you are also setting yourself up for nothing but hurt down the road. I do not know what to think. I have two theories: (i) He is a very messed up guy who just wants some companionship and he is not interested in anything physical. This sounds like you think he's 'messed up' because he isn't jumping your bones. Not because he's cheating on his wife. (ii) He is a sociopath and this whole thing is a game to him and his ultimate goal is to sleep with me. Who cares what HIS ultimate goal is? WHAT IS YOURS????
ShannonMI Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 I know some poeple on this board will judge me but some more things happened since the first date and the whole situation keeps getting stranger and stranger: On Thursday he texted me saying that he got tickets for both of us to go clubbing on Saturday and he wants to take me to a movie on Friday. We kept texting eachother whole day. Last night we met up to go see the movie. He was still kind of cold and kept giving off a nervous and restless vibe. The whole date was super formal. He did not flirt or try to make any sort of physical contact except giving me a small peck on the lips at the end. He kept checking his phone (a different number, not the wife) this time and again paid with cash. After the movie, in the car he kept talking about how he is depressed with life and wants to make life changes and does not know what he wants anymore. Tomorrow night we are supposed to go clubbing. I do not know what to think. I have two theories: (i) He is a very messed up guy who just wants some companionship and he is not interested in anything physical. (ii) He is a sociopath and this whole thing is a game to him and his ultimate goal is to sleep with me. What do you guys think? Come on girl. He's married. What more do you want us to say? Either he's messed up or a sociopath? HOW ABOUT HE'S MARRIED AND STAY AWAY FROM HIM!!!! That right there should have you running for the hills. I can relate to you in a way though because of the married guy that is interested in me. He is pretty relentless and very, very charming. I'd imagine this guy is the same way. You have to stay strong and not let him hook you. And do not have sex with him. Whatever you do. You will only become attached and he won't leave his wife for you. No matter what he says, they never do. So just tell this guy it's over and don't hang out with him or communicate with him anymore.
geegirl Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 I think his behaviors aren't concerning and pretty straightforward. You're either naive or just self destructive. What's more concerning is your behavior and the choices you seem to make. You should look at yourself first as to why you do the things you do versus diagnosing and analyzing this man.
ShannonMI Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 I think his behaviors aren't concerning and pretty straightforward. You're either naive or just self destructive. What's more concerning is your behavior and the choices you seem to make. You should look at yourself first as to why you do the things you do versus diagnosing and analyzing this man. Yeah he wants to f*ck her. Wants her as a side piece. Are you satisfied with being a side piece and nothing more? You will never be the main lady in his life. Sorry that's the way it goes, honey. And what's so great about this guy? Is he Brad Pitt or something? Come on.
geegirl Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Yeah he wants to f*ck her. Wants her as a side piece. Are you satisfied with being a side piece and nothing more? You will never be the main lady in his life. Sorry that's the way it goes, honey. And what's so great about this guy? Is he Brad Pitt or something? Come on. Yep, pretty straightforward. Married man looking for a bit of excitement because the home life has become routine. He'll never leave the security of his marital life, but he will sneak around to fulfill needs that aren't being met at home, and that is all you will be. Someone who satisfies a need. Put aside your analysis. He's married. That should be enough for you to value and respect yourself enough to leave and seek someone who will be emotionally available to you.
verhrzn Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Why is HE the sociopath when you are willingly participating in his games?? You KNOW he's married, and you just fling it off like "Oh well stop judging me." Fine, if you won't look at it from a moral/ethic side, look at it from a practical side: the guy was checking his phone all night for another number. Ever considered he's got ANOTHER oar in the water as well? Why are you doing this? Why are you putting yourself in such a drama-ladden and self-destructive situation? He stopped your own date cold to talk to his wife. How is this not sending you for the hills, from a purely self-protective standpoint?
ShannonMI Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Yep, pretty straightforward. Married man looking for a bit of excitement because the home life has become routine. He'll never leave the security of his marital life, but he will sneak around to fulfill needs that aren't being met at home, and that is all you will be. Someone who satisfies a need. Put aside your analysis. He's married. That should be enough for you to value and respect yourself enough to leave and seek someone who will be emotionally available to you. "It's cheaper to keep her" is the mentality of most married men that cheat. The one I know says that and of course says he stays for the kids. Bottom line is you will NEVER leave his wife for you. If you are satisfied with that then do what you want. Just realize you are not that important to him and you are home wrecking. Imagine how his wife would feel if she knew. I don't know if you've ever been cheated on before, but it's a sh*tty feeling.
geegirl Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 True. And if you can sit there without flinching knowing he is blatantly lying to his wife as he dines you, your boundaries are seriously skewed. There is no excuse to continue seeing a married man, especially at this point of non-emotional attachment. While he holds responsibility in damaging his marriage by looking elsewhere, you hold responsibility for enabling and engaging in the damage and failing to have a moral compass. Don't tell people not to judge you. You're on the wrong path, clearly. If anything, at least find compassion and empathy for another human being, his wife. That's the least you can do or use as a reason to remove yourself from a destructive situation, if you can't find any other reason to walk away.
SingleinSouth Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 your boundaries are seriously skewed. +1 Previous posting history: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/search.php?searchid=17278416 -2 threads on this topic -Met guy in club, does he sound shady? -Does he see me as a f**k buddy? -Why do all guys I date start losing interest? -He is not completely ready for a relationship -What's the deal with this guy? -Is he losing interest? Serious self esteem issues...serious boundary issues.
Hanther Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Your main question seems to be why is he nervous/not making any moves on you. Well, it's because he is probably cheating on his wife for the first time! I'd be nervous as hell too if I were out in public, with a girl other than my wife for the first time in years! You need to get the hell out. This man is confused and doesn't know what he wants. He is not going to leave his wife for you. Most likely she will discover this and they will reconcile (possible stronger than before). If not, they will divorce and even then, your BEST prospect is that you end up with a man who will probably do the same thing to you later on down the line. Get yourself out of there.
ascendotum Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Your main question seems to be why is he nervous/not making any moves on you. Well, it's because he is probably cheating on his wife for the first time! I'd be nervous as hell too if I were out in public, with a girl other than my wife for the first time in years! You need to get the hell out. This man is confused and doesn't know what he wants. He is not going to leave his wife for you. Most likely she will discover this and they will reconcile (possible stronger than before). If not, they will divorce and even then, your BEST prospect is that you end up with a man who will probably do the same thing to you later on down the line. Get yourself out of there. Thats what I bet too. Snap out of it. This guy is not going to be buying tickets for events to take you on dates because he is a little lonely, he can hang out with his mates for companionship. He's just laying the ground work. So many good posts here imo.
ShannonMI Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Thats what I bet too. Snap out of it. This guy is not going to be buying tickets for events to take you on dates because he is a little lonely, he can hang out with his mates for companionship. He's just laying the ground work. So many good posts here imo. But will she read these good posts and follow the advice? My bet is no.
daphne Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 +1 Previous posting history: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/search.php?searchid=17278416 -2 threads on this topic -Met guy in club, does he sound shady? -Does he see me as a f**k buddy? -Why do all guys I date start losing interest? -He is not completely ready for a relationship -What's the deal with this guy? -Is he losing interest? Serious self esteem issues...serious boundary issues. Agreed. Add to that an utter lack of accountability and I think it sums it up. Anna, I think you could really benefit from good counseling. I think your behavior is really self destructive and you need to break the patterns. I hope you consider it. You're young and it could make all of the difference between you accepting scraps from jackasses and demanding respect and getting someone of better quality.
FitChick Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 He may have cheated before because he knows enough to pay cash because his wife is checking his credit card statements. Perhaps the OP is unattractive and desperate and can only get a married man? Sad.
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