joystickd Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 when you are having a conversation and she talks about her problems with men this "I do not give a fu** about [insert first name of woman's ex-boyfriend / ex-lover here]. If he is that bad ... why did you have sex with him? Why are you still in communication with him?" All I care about is fu**ing you myself.
Metis Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 when you are having a conversation and she talks about her problems with men this "I do not give a fu** about [insert first name of woman's ex-boyfriend / ex-lover here]. If he is that bad ... why did you have sex with him? Why are you still in communication with him?" All I care about is fu**ing you myself. Well, if a man said that to me, it would tell me that his desire to insult me is greater than his desire to **** me. I do, however, make it a point never to discuss past relationships. And I don't tolerate it when men do it, either.
Author joystickd Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 A lot of men have conversations with women and the subject of their ex comes up. I know I sure as hell don't want to hear it. I could care less about her guy not treating her right.
Metis Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 A lot of men have conversations with women and the subject of their ex comes up. I know I sure as hell don't want to hear it. I could care less about her guy not treating her right. Well, that's perfectly understandable. Don't bring it up yourself, though.
Woggle Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 It depends. Anybody man or woman who keeps running back to the same problem that is causing them so much anguish eventually loses my sympathy. After a while a person ceases becoming a victim and becomes a volunteer.
Jono85 Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 It depends. Anybody man or woman who keeps running back to the same problem that is causing them so much anguish eventually loses my sympathy. After a while a person ceases becoming a victim and becomes a volunteer. ^^ yeah and i actually don't mind SOME history on their exes personally, because it tells me who they are. if i'm hearing a girl constantly tell me about this complete ******* she dated who treated her like crap for a long time, it tells me that she's a very weak girl who will likely be quite co-dependant and will come with a bunch of red flags. especially if the girl is still in contact with these jerks on ANY level (even casual texting every few months etc). it just tells me that they let guys walk all over them and again are just very weak minded individuals. so a little history on potential gfs isn't frowned upon with me, as it can present some red flags.
grkBoy Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 when you are having a conversation and she talks about her problems with men this "I do not give a fu** about [insert first name of woman's ex-boyfriend / ex-lover here]. If he is that bad ... why did you have sex with him? Why are you still in communication with him?" All I care about is fu**ing you myself. I don't say it that harshly, but I will sound more "hard truth" over "sympathetic ear". Everyone needs to be slapped with hard reality many times...men and women.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 when you are having a conversation and she talks about her problems with men this "I do not give a fu** about [insert first name of woman's ex-boyfriend / ex-lover here]. If he is that bad ... why did you have sex with him? Why are you still in communication with him?" All I care about is fu**ing you myself. So you both want semi blame her for having sex with a man that ended treating her badly while dually hoping to do the same to her? WTF. How does that make sense.
Eddie Edirol Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 YOu give her two chances if she starts doing that. You change the subject abruptly, talk about something else. If she goes back to her problems, you change the subject again, abruptly. If she comes back to her problems again, then you walk away from her. If youre on a date, or youre trying to date her, you know by then she is trying to rebound, and isnt really interested in you. When you make it known that you dont want to hear her problems, she will either learn eventually, or you have to stop giving her an ear.
Author joystickd Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 So you both want semi blame her for having sex with a man that ended treating her badly while dually hoping to do the same to her? WTF. How does that make sense. I just posed the question. There are men that think that way. Its frustrating to meet someone and it goes from a cool interaction to my ex was this or current boyfriend that. I really don't give a sh*t either way. I posed the question because it reminded me of what I got told in college once. This was the guys exact words " When I see a woman that thinks she is the sh*t and gives guys a hard time I purposely hurt her feelings just so the next guy will have an easier time with her". I honestly never understood the logic in it. If I dont like where the conversation is going I just say hey i got something to do its been great talking to you. It was simply a question to see what other people thought about it.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Okay, I think I understand better what your saying joystickd. Yes, it's annoying when people you are interested in talk about their exes. Especially if they are putting down their exes. But on the plus side, when people talk about their exes you get a window into how they relate to the other gender that could be very telling about their own emotional health..or lack of.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 A lot of men have conversations with women and the subject of their ex comes up. I know I sure as hell don't want to hear it. I could care less about her guy not treating her right. I love it when a guy tells me flat out, "I don't want to talk about your ex," then stares me dead in the eye, all serious. I immediately realize he's right -- we've got much better things to talk about and do. And then we do them. And I forget all about the ex.
Negative Nancy Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 But on the plus side, when people talk about their exes you get a window into how they relate to the other gender that could be very telling about their own emotional health..or lack of. I agree. In fact, I even ask specifically about the exes and why it ended. You can tell alot by the guy's response - how he sees relationships, if he still has unresolved feelings for the ex, if he's able to see his own contribution to the failure of a relationship or if it's always been solely the ex's fault (which in some cases of course it is, but most of the time it takes two to tango)...and so on. Gives you a good glimpse of what's ahead of you should you end up in a relationship with him.
rightfield Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 I agree with NegNancy. I think a brief discussion of ex's can give you a preview of how you might be treated if you end up in a R with this person. Listen carefully and you can learn a lot about the person. However, you want that discussion to be more "matter of fact" than a venting session, or like you are suddenly a shrink and this person just plopped down on your couch looking for help and advice. All past R's have influenced all of us in making us who we are today, and it would be hard not to at least make references to the past, especially to LTR's.
Eddie Edirol Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 I agree with NegNancy. I think a brief discussion of ex's can give you a preview of how you might be treated if you end up in a R with this person. Listen carefully and you can learn a lot about the person. Not necessarily. Alot of people know how to frame their last relationships like they frame former jobs. They know how to make themselves look good to the new boss. So you have to read between the lines to see what the real story is.
Cracker Jack Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 I agree with this topic completely. I never came out and said anything because I always thought listening about their past issues with an ex was a good thing. Now, if I'm in this situation and have interest in the woman, I'll just try to change subjects or something.
Metis Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Not necessarily. Alot of people know how to frame their last relationships like they frame former jobs. They know how to make themselves look good to the new boss. So you have to read between the lines to see what the real story is. Whatever the real story, if your date goes on and on about how horrible her ex was, that should give you a clue as to how she will badmouth YOU if the relationship does not work out. I am not saying mentioning ex's should be absolute taboo, regardless of context, but basic respect to the relationship you once had requires that you don't disparage a former SO for the entertainment (ostensibly) of your new date. (Hypothetical "you", not you personally.) And if it was a truly horrible relationship, with abuse and what not, it's really a very private matter that probably shouldn't be discussed in a casual setting anyway.
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