warrenorabbits Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I just haven't had a lot of success with women. It is discouraging, because I'm eloquent, I have a wry sense of humour, I'm thoughtful, and I'm cute. I know that even the most popular guys aren't successful all of the time, but it seems that I'm striking out too much. Part of the reason may be that I don't put myself out there enough [i'm introverted and proud, and I'm often afraid of being too obvious], but I wonder if there's some other factor. Why is it that stupid, jerky guys get dates all the time, while I've only gotten to second base* and have had only two girlfriends? There are girls that I think are cute and fun, but I shy away from them because I don't want to freak them out, or because I think that they probably have a boyfriend. A lot of them are also in awkward positions -- someone I see at a café, or someone in an organization, or a girl who sits behind me in French that I otherwise don't talk to. I also tend to abandon everything at the first sign that the girl isn't interested. It makes me insecure, and I've been in situations where I've been a little too optimistic based on initial signs and ended up freaking the girl out. I even have a profile on a dating site, and even there it's hard to get a bite. I thought that that would be the easiest place of all: it seems like most guys on those sites are the shirtless DTF type, and I have a thoughtful, fun-sounding profile. I've had bites, but none of them have developed into anything satisfactory. There are girls that I'm good friends with, so I know I'm not hopeless, but I really would like something more. (I'm talking to one of them tonight, actually. I would try setting myself up with her if she didn't live across the state.) In short, I'm kind of a mess. What would you do in my situation? If you can relate, can you help me sort myself out? Thanks. *not the most important thing, of course, but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't a sexual being.
joystickd Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 No matter what these women say I will offer this. Your in college so the best thing is as soon as you can in the interaction mention that you want to have sex with her. Main reason is you want her to give a yes or no answer and anything else would put you in the friend zone lol.
Eddie Edirol Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 You need to do research on what attracts women. When you do that, you find out why your shyness works against you. Theres alot to it, but you dont have to change your personality, you add to it.. You just have to learn what turns women off, and why your friends that are women dont help you out. BTW unless youre really good looking, dating websites are useless, because its a meat market, like the dance clubs. So dont bother with online. Being able to showcase your personality in person yields much better results. Also, stay in the habit of bailing on women the instant you think theyre not interested. You dont want to be in the habit of building up expectations to a woman who isnt attracted to you. You just have to learn how to tell the subtleties that she may be attracted to you and might be shy like yourself. You have to learn body language.
Chubbi Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I am just like you except I'm 22 and in med school. I don't have much experience with guys. No experience. I am not unattractive. I know that. But I lack confidence in social situations!!!! Men and women prefer extroverted people heavily over quiet people. Even if the extrovert is an ******* and isn't adding anything to the conversation, the guys prefer the talkative girl to the quiet one. (except for older men, but older guys are a different story.) I have not been able to find things to help because I don't understand men at all. It's very hard to make men laugh and it seems if you ask them something point blank, they get really shy and uncomfortable, so I think what did I say? I just don't know what to do.
Metis Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 OP: I know this is not what you want to hear, and I'm sure I'll get inundated with hateful messages, but for what it's worth, I'll say it anyway. As long as you are in college, concentrate on your studies. Seriously, there is no such thing as studying too much when you are in college. You will never again have the same opportunity to learn so much, to meet so many brilliant people, and to lay a networking foundation for your career as when you are in college. It will get much harder after you graduate. Don't just be good enough; be the best. If dating and/or sex come your way, great. If not, employ substitutes for now and learn, learn, learn. And under NO circumstances -- never ever ever ever ever, you hear? -- allow yourself to pursue a relationship at the expense of the academics. It's a very competitive world out there, with way too many college graduates there. Being highly educated and having a good job will give you loads of well-founded confidence that women find attractive. There will be other women, believe me. Don't worry about it. You'll be okay.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Hmmmmmmmmmm, "...as a college-age guy..." Well the significant part of that is that you are already at a place where young, eligible women are plentiful (not that you can't be "college-age", and not BE in college). Compare where you are now, to where you'll likely be in 5 years, and then do the simple exercises which will cause you to interact with a LOT more people your age NOW, while the opportunities are plentiful. Clubs at school are great (but don't just go for one about which you have no sincere interest in the substance)... and you can even make a habit of bringing your laptop to the student union building, or the local coffee shop, and doing your studies there a couple of nights a week, steadily, regularly... The whole idea is to cause yourself to meet far more people than you do now. It really is largely about raw numbers, and you will seldom again have such giant numbers working in your favor like you do in college. Indeed you should retain your studies as your top priority, but get out there more, even in the context of studying. In due time you'll meet people merely for being/seeming consistent there. (IF, for example, the girl behind the counter at the coffee shop is 16, and too young, don't resist making friends with her there, because she may in time acquire a handful of older, female college students as friends, and that might be just the ticket for you...) Cause yourself to meet lots more people, for starters!!
Recommended Posts