missed_theboat Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 (edited) Jeez, I feel pathetic. It's my birthday and all day, I've been obsessing over my ex. We were talking up until a couple days ago. He had a severe anxiety attack Sunday and I have been so worried about him. He's been distant, and we talked on the phone yesterday and he says when he's in this position, he usually goes and takes his time to himself to "hibernate" and try to get better. He is on meds and seeing a therapist, so I am not worried about him in that way. I just wish he'd contact me! Even when we were together, he sometimes had times when he just needed to be alone, and now that we're not together, I cannot expect him to have me as a priority--especially when he's going through a hard time. I just wonder why he hasn't called or texted to wish me a happy birthday. I know he remembers my birthday, because it's three days before his! I know this sounds extremely selfish, but we had been talking (with him initiating contact) before, with just simple, friendly things. When we talked, he did not express anything besides just wanting to get himself better and that he liked to be alone during these times. He had anxiety when we were together, but he said it was never as bad as its been since we've broken up. How do I stop obsessing over the fact that I haven't heard from him? I mean could he just be so upset that he's forgotten? He said he was having a really hard time emotionally. So, maybe I should stop assuming the worst--that he's deliberately ignoring me--and realize that he's going through a hard time. I doubt he would deliberately ignore me, but I'm going crazy wondering what is up! Edited November 9, 2011 by missed_theboat
Author missed_theboat Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 So does this jeopardize the road trip...? We talked about that yesterday. I told him if he'd rather I didn't go, I understood. He said "No, no, no, it's not about you going. I'm just not sure I can go if I'm feeling this way." He said it's not even about me... just about how he feels. He still wants us to go together, but he can't promise it will be within the time-line he hoped. He is waiting to see how he feels during this week (as the trip was planned for Sunday). If he starts feeling better, we'll go. If not, it will be postponed until he can feel better. It's mostly because he doesn't to get on the road feeling such extreme anxiety and have it ruin his trip. But he assured me that his source of anxiety did not come from me attending or not, but rather how he was going to handle everything. He is going to buy his car, but he would have to fly to get it, and the thought of getting on a plane now (which normally would not bother him in the least) causes him to feel anxious. I guess someone with an anxiety disorder would understand. I just want him to feel better and get well. But he's one of those people who wants to be alone during times of stress. Like I said, even in our relationship, he would sometimes just need to rest and be alone during times of anxiety or emotional stress. It wasn't that he shut me out, but more that he couldn't be as attentive as he normally was.
USMCHokie Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Well, I have absolutely no experience with people with these sorts of mental conditions, so I'd naturally ask why the hell you'd even deal with all this nonsense. But given the circumstances, I'd just leave things alone for a while and let him deal with his issues.
wilsonx Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 (edited) because she doesnt know any better... its fine its all a learning experience... i learned the hard way theres a term that i coined up on this forum that represents people with these type of mental issues... dont know how to reference it towards guys but for guys that date girls with mental issues, i term them captain save a hoe or captain fix a hoe. She has the same syndrome. She has hope that he will change. I personally think hes stringing her along giving her a false sense of hope while he does his own thing. People say that everyone's different which is true but patterns are the same. He's depressed and withdrawn because hes guilty of something. Hes too much of a coward to be honest about it Edited November 9, 2011 by wilsonx
Author missed_theboat Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 because she doesnt know any better... its fine its all a learning experience... i learned the hard way theres a term that i coined up on this forum that represents people with these type of mental issues... dont know how to reference it towards guys but for guys that date girls with mental issues, i term them captain save a hoe or captain fix a hoe. She has the same syndrome. She has hope that he will change. I personally think hes stringing her along giving her a false sense of hope while he does his own thing. People say that everyone's different which is true but patterns are the same. He's depressed and withdrawn because hes guilty of something. Hes too much of a coward to be honest about it I don't want to fix him. Because I know that anxiety is not something that someone can fix. Some people do have issues, (you're one of them) but some people seek help, which he has done. He is not guilty about anything from me. He's not stringing me along (we have made clear what we are and what we are not). I have a hope he'll get better--for himself. And patterns are him being a kind, loving person who is dealing with issues beyond his control (a multimillion dollar business that he runs with his family that goes through constant ups and downs). When you're in business with your family, it blends two things that shouldn't be blended. It causes a lot of anxiety and stress that you feel bad about because it's your family and you love them. And one thing he's not, is a coward. But it's easy to be anonymous and make judgments on people that are unkind. That's cowardly, you piece of ****.
Dust Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 happy birthday cutie. So you dumped him? I say forget about him for a while. It's more stresful to worry about some one else then yourself.
Author missed_theboat Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 happy birthday cutie. So you dumped him? I say forget about him for a while. It's more stresful to worry about some one else then yourself. Thanks! :-) Yeah I should worry about myself more. I definitely am only worrying about him because I care about him as a person and know that he doesn't have very many people in his life--and that is not an exaggeration. He lost most of his friends when he moved. When you live close to your parents (for whom you work) and you work a lot, it ends up being hard to make friends (especially if you've had back luck with people screwing you over). He's a loner type of guy, although he would like to be more social. He's very sweet and kind and social when he goes out, but he doesn't go out often (except to do normal daily things). But yeah you're right--I should trust that he'll take care of himself and just let him know I'm here if he does need anything, which I believe he does know. Other than that, if he chooses not to speak to me, and that's the best option for him, I respect that. I love him enough to let him go and make himself healthy, and I know he loves me enough to do the same for me. :-)
Teuen101 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 (edited) I can see the game your letting him play with you, I've been on both sides. You wouldnt be here posting if your Guts were not screaming at you to do so. I hope you figure this out for you self soon you seem like a nice person and wanting somthing more out of a relationship. It suck when our heart is out there and our guts are screaming at us ..love how he is playing wounded duck, he has problems, I used that trick too, he is useing that to draw you back and you love him and you want to be the one standing by him. I think he is seeing othere people or he wouldnt have asked you if you had. thats what he feels guilty about. Edited November 11, 2011 by Teuen101
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